Need advice/input on guy situation

It could just be that Panzade did enjoy it.

When I read her post, I got the impression that she did indeed like your writing style! I took it as a compliment towards you.

<HIS post>

Diana, I sincerely do like your writing. And I think you need to take a little more credit for your talents and uniqueness. You'll see guys treat you with respect when you respect yourself. Go for it girl!

Oh, deeply sorry panzade :wink:

Damn, I gotta go back to my puppy avatar.

Diana,
You are new to this BBS. Perhaps you've only spent a little time here, and posted only this one thread, so perhaps you don't know that for the most part, the people here are good, caring people.

These people are simply doing their honest best to address your questions, while also offering some good-sense advice.

You did come here for help. You did not tell us you wanted us to simply tell you what you wanted to hear.

Perhaps there is another bulletin board where people will not be honest, but what good would that do you?

Here on A2K, you also have the advantage of a rather wide spectrum of viewpoints. You have the conservative, moderate and liberal views, as well as perspective from people in many different countries.

What more could you ask for? Do you want an easy answer, or do you want the truth?

Respectfully,

General Tsao

We also represent a wide spectrum in age and different cultural backgrounds. A lot of us try to relate to a person's own view of a situation and then describe our various views, which can differ a lot or sometimes be amazingly similar from wildly different people. Most of us are pretty straightforward.

On the writing, this is a forum with a lot of excellent writers as members, many who write for a career. We have song writers and poets and artists, and english teachers and book editors. As a group, if we are any kind of group, we like style, though we'd argue about what constitutes style. Your writing is fairly colloquial and enjoyable for that. Don't be dismayed.

Re: re


Exactly. Sorry to say it, but he is not interested in you as a person. You have completely hit the nail on the head. But it's a hookup, not a relationship. The two are different, and it's entirely possible that he even has a real relationship with someone else, or that he hooks up with lots of women. I'm sure that you realize that, even if there is no actual penetration, there is a chance of passing STDs.

But you need to figure out what you want. Do you just want hookups? Then fine, you've got one on your hands, but don't expect it to suddenly also get the trappings of a relationship. Do you want a relationship? Then fine, but you don't have a relationship with this guy, and the chances are not good that this situation will ever turn into one. If you want a relationship, don't settle for someone who doesn't call and who only seems to be interested when he's drunk and it's the end of the evening at a party.

So, the thing is, you need to determine what you want, and if this is what you want, then great, Mazel Tov, enjoy yourself. But if it isn't, then I hope you will do something about it and seek out a situation more to your preference.

re
i just wonder if there are any nice guys out there....i was talking to my friend last nigth and it seems really hard to meet someone, have a nice conversation and exchange numbers. It seems like guys are only interested if you put out...but then they dont feel like they have to call you.

Men are dogs Diana. You've got to seperate the thoroughbreds from the currs. They have a pack mentality and mark their territory.They're known to breed and leave without a howdy-do. Hold off on the treats until they respect you. :wink:

Also, you might want to examine where it is you're trying to meet men - is it in a bar? Then you're pretty much guaranteed to find guys looking for a hookup and nothing more. Is it the beach? Well, they may or may not want a hookup but your body's on display, so I'd say the chances are more likely. A class, church, professional activities, college networking situations, etc. are more likely to yield guys who are looking for something other than a one-nighter. There are no guarantees, of course, but if you want to catch tuna, you don't go fishing in a trout pond.

re
A class, church, professional activities, college networking situations, etc.

Realistically who meets in this places unless you are still in college or high schoo?

Lotsa people, actually.

There's also personals, online or otherwise.

Point is -- the bar scene is for a pretty specific kind of guy. If that's not the kind of guy you're looking for, might want to look someplace else.

What IS your preference at this point? Random hook-ups, or relationship?

I guess some people do, but most of the people I know are married to someone they met in college or occasionally at work. I know when I worked for the post office I was glad to be in a steady relationship, because my job took up so much of my time I would have to look there if I had wanted to date someone new.

i'm glad to hear he at least gave as good as he got. he doesn't seem worth your time and energy anymore.

at least you can walk away from it having a better idea of what you don't want from a guy. and even though you knew, in an indirect way, he wasn't going to be able to come through, what's difficult isn't so much the end of him, but the end of what you had hoped for.

re
yeah...it's weird because i know in a way he is kind of interested in me...whether it's just for a hook up or what, but he will still never call me. And like i said before, if we we were out together some night, i'm sure this would happen again...but i dont think i should let it. I've already let this happen 3 times....

Re: re


I've met guys I've dated in those places, honestly. But, I also married a musician I met in a bar... He was the worst husband, but this thread isn't about xh#2 and his faults. Xh#1 was a friend of a friend's husband. My current bf is a physicist I met on a beach (I'd just had a baby when I met him, the body chemistry was a nonissue, we were just being friendly...) then a couple days later, a friend introduced me to him at church that was 5 years ago. I'm still apparently attractive, although I think of myself as huge. Men still approach me to talk, even today, and like me. They like my mind, perhaps. They are always happy to see me out and about. Since my bf and I have broken up and made up, I have dated others since I've been with him, and the best dates came from an online dating service, but I also met a rancher at an estate sale, an artist in a bookstore, a student while taking a class at the local college... Men are out there, Diana, you just have to let them smell the bait, not taste it, kwim? Maybe you don't... What I mean is flirt but make them jump through hoops you set up. Test them, but make the tests easy to pass for average guys. Make them chase you, but don't run too fast or too hard. [/b] They like that, even when they are 40, 50, 60... Certainly they like it at 20-something(at least my sons do at 21 & 23.)

Re: re


As a guy, I'll let you in on a little secret.

Guys, as a general rule, want a "naughty" girl to date (or hook up with), but a "nice" girl to marry.

Also, most guys I know, including myself, are of the opinion that the most attractive (attractiveness is not just physical appearance) women:

*wear very little make-up or perfume (the less is more principle)
*have long hair or an obviously feminine hairstyle
*smile a lot
*let their man be a man (let him kill the spiders for you)
*are intelligent, with lots of common sense
*are compassionate, caring
*are clean--bathe, brush, deodorant, etc.
*care for their bodies--be healthy, fit
*are good listeners
*enjoy dressing up, but not afraid to leave the house in sweats

General Tsao

Re: re

I'm a 20-something guy, and I don't like to chase girls. It might be because I am rather lazy and shy, but I have lost interest in basically every girl who has made me chase her. Again, I'm lazy and shy, but I still don't think that every guy enjoys a chase.