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Mon 9 Aug, 2004 12:19 pm
I need a little input on this situation. Here is some background info. About a year ago I was engaged, it got called off. A month later I went to a party at a friends house and saw a guy i had gone to middle school with. We were both drunk, ended up talking, one thing led to another, we made out and I ended up going home with him. We didnt have sex but we did pretty much everything but that. I was embaressed since that is kind of out of character for me, but I had a lot of pent up frustration from the previous relationship and it was kind of a rebound. It had been 4 years since i hooked up with another person so i was like, whoa...I asked him to drive me home that morning, he did and i just kind of jumped out of the car when we got to my house.
Two weeks later, I see him again. We end up talking and then of course, i'm back at his place-again no sex, but everything else. This time when he drives me home, he had to take two other people home as well (my best friend and her ex) We drop my friend off at work and the guy abd his friend and i go for breakfast at burger kind-a bit awkward since this guy and i are both shy-not shy drunk apparently. When he drops me off his friend is in the car and right before we get to my house he asks for my number. I give it to him and he tells me he'll call-he never calls. I kind of wondered why he bothered to ask for my # is he was never going to call, but figured he just asked to be polite.
My friend saw him a few weeks later and asked, so what happened with you and jenny. She said he was like, i really wanted to call her, but i just felt weird because i know she just broke up with someone, etc. Understandable. But then he says to my friend, seriously though i would hook up with her anytime, she is the best hook up ever, she is so sexy and she gives the best bj's ever. My friend was like, whoa...i really didnt need to know that about my friend. I have to say that when we were hooking up he definitely seemed to enjoy it and was complimenting me plenty.
SO this past weekend I see him at a party. He sees me and i just waved at him and turned around quickly. I wasnt going to go up and kiss his butt with hellos seeing how he never called. I noticed that he made a few comments to me like asking what i was drinking, etc. I just politely answered. Finally i was sitting down and he came and sat next to me. He was very forward and was like, so what's up with all our friends having boyfriends, i have no one to go out with so you and i really should hang out. Then he talked about the past times we had hooked up and said what a great time he had, then he said that we should leave now and go somewhere else. I was like, well i would really like to stay here. He was acting weird kind of, he kept saying he wanted to leave and me to go with him (obviously to hook up). Finally at about 3, 3:30 I did leave with him...in a way it was because he kept bugging me to go with him and he's cute and fun so i went.
In the car i brought up that he never called me. He was like, i really wanted to call, i just felt weird. I was like, oh please, if you really wanted to call me you would have. He looked at me shocked and was like, i really did want to call you, i'm just an idiot when it comes to the phone and calling people, i'm just stupid (my friend did tell me that he rarely dates people and can be weird with girls). I kept saying, whatever...so at his place we hook up again, no sex. We probably didnt go to sleep until like 4, then he woke me up at 8 for more...then we went back to sleep and woke up around 1 and did more. At 2pm we get out of bed and he drives me home. I really didnt feel awkward, but i just kind of felt like, this is stupid, he's not going to call me. When he dropped me off, i started to get out and he asked if i was going to be going out more now and then was like, well we should definitely plan on all of us getting together (meaning our other friends) and we'll have to plan something. I was kind of rolling my eyes to myself at this point. I dont know if i seemed uninterested but after him not calling the last time, and the fact that i brought it up, it had to tell him that i would like for him to call me. I was just like, yeah ok sure, well you have my number (from last year). He was like, I do have your number. I said, bye and shut the door.
Basically i think this guy just wants a piece of me when he sees me and that's it. However, he does really seem to enjoy hooking up with me as do i with him...so i dont see why he has such a problem in calling me...i'm not looking for a relationship or a boyfriend at this point in my life, and i wouldnt even mind somethign casual. I just feel like we hook up everytime we see each other, obviously there's some kind of attraction there, so i dont get what the big problem is. I'm sure if i see him out whether it's a week from now or 3 months from now we would hook up. Does it sound like he'll call at all?
Complicated questions. He could be a total player, or he could be genuine in his feelings of weirdness about calling you. I'm a guy who had trouble approaching girls when I was younger, despite interest. That could be it. It sounds like you are both shy, but drinking loosens things up, and then you are able to do what you both feel. The problem with two shy people is that both want the other to make the first move. If you think it's worth it, I would say call him. You'll probably take him completely by surprise, in a good way.
I guess I was not aware that a BJ was *not* sex.
A lot of your questions would be answered clearly if you quit the "physical stuff which involves the removal of clothing."
If you and he still like each other even when there is no sex and no "non-sex," you just might have something. But you are confused because you think he might be just after the sex--er, non-sex, yet you think he likes you simply because he "does really seem to enjoy hooking up with me as do i with him."
Get this very clear: I don't know ANY man who does not enjoy sex (or non-sex). And any guy who knows the game knows that the sex (non-sex) is better if you let your partner know how good she's doing.
General Tsao
re
And any guy who knows the game knows that the sex (non-sex) is better if you let your partner know how good she's doing
so this means that he would have called?
No matter what happens Diana, your writing is like, exquisite. Enjoyed it.
He's ok w/talking about you giving him bjs to others but not ok w/calling you up on a phone? Give me a break!
I hope you learned something here, Diana. Some guys are jerks and don't deserve
that much special attention. Don't dwell any further on this one.
Move on!
Re: re
diana78 wrote:And any guy who knows the game knows that the sex (non-sex) is better if you let your partner know how good she's doing
so this means that he would have called?
Uh oh, my low self-esteem alert is going off, and I did indeed start out in this thread with the best of intentions. Why do you feel the need for this guy to validate you by a. calling or b. telling you how good you are at giving him oral?
telling you how good you are at giving him oral?
well he already told me that one...i wasnt that bothered by him telling my friend that because he has been friends with her for a long time...if he had said bad things about it would be a different story. I can see maybe i shouldnt have come here for advice as i'm being judged right down to my writing...
Are you twenty five or twenty six, Diana? I don't mean to be insulting here, but your concerns seem a little more youthful than that - relative to what it takes to establish loving relationships.
I agree with the tenor of General Tsao's questions, that you establish a relationship first before worrying about these "will he call or should he have" questions.
Not that I am or was so perfect myself, heh, but what you have described, a lot of binge-y drinking and making out, is not getting you very far in the caring department.
Re: Need advice/input on guy situation
diana78 wrote:
...i'm not looking for a relationship or a boyfriend at this point in my life, and i wouldnt even mind somethign casual. . quote]
If you're not looking for a relationship, then who cares if he phones you. If all you are looking for is sex then there are plenty of men who would probably jump at the chance. Move on!
He's not going to call because he doesn't have to. You hook up at parties whenever you happen to see one another. He gets bjs without having to spend a dime on you or whisper sweet nothings in your ear or meet your family. He gets all of the fun without putting much of anything into it. You are, I'm sorry to say, his port in a storm.
If you want him - or any guy - to call you, don't let yourself be walked on like this. It's possible to hook up without shredding your self-esteem.
Ah, I missed that you weren't looking for a relationship, excuse me.
I agree with stand up for pessimism here -- separate your apples from your oranges, and then decide what you want. If you want casual sex (and yes, giving blow jobs is sex, and is he reciprocating? you don't have to answer that, but in this whole "non-sex" thing, are you getting something out of that?), then go ahead, have casual sex. But casual sex is, ya know, casual. It isn't supposed to have the dating trappings, including waiting by the phone for a call.
If you want a relationship, then hold out for someone who offers a little more than an opportunity to give blow jobs. Or if you're genuinely interested in him, lay down some laws, and hold to them.
I think the first step is to figure out which of those you actually want.
Standupforpessimism, jezpah, and sozobe are right: casual sex is casual. But I will judge this guy who talks about your performance to others, but can't be bothered to call you up to say so much as, "hello." He's a jerk: end of story. If you're fine with your technique being talked about to others, know that is objectification, and be fine with him objectifying you to himself. You don't need to call a sex toy. If he really thought you were all that hot a person, he'd be calling to talk to you. That he doesn't, shows the true nature of his character.
does he reciprocate when you hook up?
I actually think we may be talking to hear ourselves, or in this case typing to see ourselves. She obviously wasn't happy with what we all have had to say, and I don't think she's comin' back........Diane,(in case you do come back) the truth does hurt, but it's better to know the truth now rather then putting in extra emotions and causing yourself more **** in the end.....
re
I do appreciate the comments...i just didnt need to have my writing skills made fun of. Anyways, yes he did reciprocate a great deal...almost to the point i was uncomfortable, he was very giving. I dont mind so much about what he said to my friend because they have been friends for a very long time...if he had said bad things about me then it would have been a bit different.
I really dont see anything coming out of this, I kind of knew that all along but i just wanted to get others advice. My friend said he saw him out last night and he sat with them. I guess she was like, oooh i hear you had a fun night with my roomie last night. He said, dont even start but then mentioned he felt bad because apparently the night before i said i wanted to go to my place. Then on the way to dropping me off he kept saying that he couldnt believe he'd never seen my place and he mentioned that several times. I asked, so did you want to see the place. He was just like no and said he was afraid my roomate would be there (like she didnt know what was going on anyways) He had mentioned to my friend that he felt bad about not seeing the place but was pressed for time because he was driving his friends car and needed to return it (the friend did call twice for their car back). I just feel like he is not interested in me as a person...he might feel bad all he wants, but he if he was interested he'd call or at least ask my friend my take on what happened....
Who made fun of your writing?
re
No matter what happens Diana, your writing is like, exquisite. Enjoyed it.
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