23
   

My girlfriend was a Slut

 
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 31 Dec, 2015 04:19 pm
@Nicor,
It's also a word feminists use freely now, to me that is support for its palpable sport re male-archy.

disclosure, I'm a feminist of the olden days sort, only mildly interested in later stuff; so far, I agree with some of it and not with a lot of rad stuff. I generally don't read up on it, so remain sans conclusion.

But this thread can be entwined with that.

0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Thu 31 Dec, 2015 04:20 pm
@Nicor,
Why would you want to be with a woman that has self respect and self image issues? Why are you with her now? What keeps you there?

Lastly, just because she called herself a slut due to her past mistakes, that doesn't give you the right to call her a slut now!

She has had a problem with her past, but it is unclear whether or not she has righted her life now. How are you helping her?

You, on the other hand, due to judgmental nature, are clearly not a good partner.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Thu 31 Dec, 2015 04:22 pm
@Nicor,
are you the same boy at 21 that you were at 15?

If you were slightly older, slightly more mature, I'd suggest you sit down and talk with your girlfriend about how her life is different at 23 than it was at 17 - what changed? why did it change?

You could well be right that she didn't feel good about herself at 17/disrespected herself.

__

The nice thing to do now is to explain to her that you aren't mature enough for a relationship with her at this time, and to wish her well.
Nicor
 
  1  
Reply Thu 31 Dec, 2015 04:27 pm
Thanks for all your opinions
I'm gonna try to explain myself one more time here, not a native English speaker so maybe that's why it did not come over as I wanted in the first place.

She is 23 years old now, birthday was just now in December and has had more sex than mosthe women in her fifties and it was not about feelings but just that getting fucked that's what she wanted.
When I said 100 I did not mean exactly 100 as I said I did not ask for specific numbers but according to her it was many different guys sometimes even multiple times a day for a long time. As in at least one year but probably more, did not ask for a specific number there either, as even one suh year us disgusting to me.

To the person asking abut being sexist, actually yes I see it the same way with my male friends.
It's not about the pure number of partners it's about being willing to do it with literally anyone at any place and to me that's not right no matter what gender you have.

The thing many people here seem to not get is that if you say from yourself you were a slut and confirm all these things which she did it means you have zero respect for yourself and I don't want a partner like that.

Anyway I'm thankful for your thoughts tho, it's interesting how much they can differ.
I will end it with her as I'm not willing to accept these things.
Nicor
 
  1  
Reply Thu 31 Dec, 2015 04:30 pm
@ehBeth,
Maybe I'm not mature enough and you are right. But I don't think that will change wih age, if a women behaved like that and called herself a slut she lost all my respect no matter of age.

But don't worry I'm not the type to scream at her or anything. I hope she does do well although the advice I'm gonna give her is to just not tell anyone about this in the future.
ossobuco
 
  3  
Reply Thu 31 Dec, 2015 04:39 pm
@Nicor,
I hope for you that you meet a woman you will jump your fence to get to.

And that she slaps you silly.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 31 Dec, 2015 04:46 pm
@Nicor,
quoting,
To the person asking abut being sexist, actually yes I see it the same way with my male friends.
It's not about the pure number of partners it's about being willing to do it with literally anyone at any place and to me that's not right no matter what gender you have.

me-
I wish you luck navigating the world.
Nicor
 
  1  
Reply Thu 31 Dec, 2015 05:57 pm
@ossobuco,
Thanks I did fine so far, call me old school but to me it should mean something when you have sex with someone, at least that should be the goal. If your goal is to just **** around with random people I feel like you have/had serious issues.
One night stands happen but it should not be the priority to look for meaningless sex. But I admit I'm a relationship type, it's way more satisfying to be with someone you really like for me instead of just someone you never met before.
chai2
 
  8  
Reply Thu 31 Dec, 2015 05:57 pm
@Nicor,
Well, that means zero respect for you, but perhaps not for her.

Personally, I say do her a huge favor and get out of her life.

You have no idea why she did this, and no understanding that she has decided not to do this anymore. Why be some judge, jury and executioner in her life reminding her of a time she may not be too proud of, but will never be allowed to move on from?

Remember this though, she is the exact same person that until a very short time ago you were fine with. She's the same person.

God forbid anyone ever find out something about you that you'd just as soon leave in the past.

BTW, your friend is a huge asshole.

Please, let this young woman live a life where she doesn't have to deal with you.
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  0  
Reply Thu 31 Dec, 2015 06:06 pm
@Nicor,
There's a reason why prostitution is the oldest profession.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 31 Dec, 2015 06:24 pm
@cicerone imposter,
Most of us women know that, CI.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 31 Dec, 2015 06:52 pm
@ossobuco,
I would probably argue with myself on that post.
0 Replies
 
karen12344
 
  2  
Reply Fri 1 Jan, 2016 03:20 am
@Nicor,
Your overreacting, what matter is what she has done since the day u met her. Yeah I understand it might bother you, but if she's not doing it now it shouldn't be a big deal. But if that's something u can't let go of anf u will judge her and see her different while being with her, let her go for your own good and herself. But my advice let it go what matters is what u two has created since the day u guys met
0 Replies
 
Olivier5
 
  2  
Reply Fri 1 Jan, 2016 07:50 am
Slut is good. Experienced is better than clueless.
0 Replies
 
The Pentacle Queen
 
  2  
Reply Tue 5 Jan, 2016 02:36 pm
@Nicor,
She's only 23 for god's sake. Young people need time to experiment! She seems to have decided she doesn't want to do that anymore.

Are you sure you're not just rejecting this because it makes you insecure about how many people you've slept with?
0 Replies
 
The Pentacle Queen
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Jan, 2016 02:39 pm
@ossobuco,
ossobuco wrote:

I hope for you that you meet a woman you will jump your fence to get to.

And that she slaps you silly.


Amen.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Jan, 2016 02:53 pm
I have a feeling that he would be asking these questions if this gal had been with one guy over these past years.

A person who obsesses about their partner's past is doomed to a life of mind-angst. I bet he enjoys it.
0 Replies
 
The Pentacle Queen
 
  3  
Reply Tue 5 Jan, 2016 02:54 pm
@Nicor,
I also had 2 years as a 'slut'. In fact, I even made a post about it on here about 7 years ago when I was asking whether it was acceptable to have slept with 14 people.

Now it's more than that but I'm 27 now and I've calmed down. But as I see it, as long as I fancied them and it was fun then it was fine! Some of them were actually really beautiful experiences and I wouldn't change them for anyone. Once I had sex with a German boy I met on the bank of a river in a small town after we had gone skinny dipping. And another German boy I stayed up all night talking to and fell asleep and realised I had missed my plane home. Some of them I still talk to on facebook. One of them ended up becoming my current boyfriend years later.

It is not ALWAYS about low self esteem. I had low self esteem until I was 17 and I became a 'slut' (inappropriate word!) aged 21. It was because I was very curious about everything in the world and wanted to do everything all at once and it was fun. There were a few because I was too drunk, but even those were fun in their own way. There was also a couple I deeply regretted and was very upset about and that made my skin crawl and me wonder what the **** i was doing. That's life.

Anyway. I don't think you can handle it and I think you need to think long and hard about why you find other people's sexuality disgusting. If your girlfriend HAS got low self esteem and you love her, why don't you want to help her be the best she can be? Why do you want to **** her up even further with your judgement?

I have had an argument recently with my boyfriend about someone he said he thought was attractive which spiraled into a stupid thing where I basically said he'd **** anyone and he doesn't execute much choice in who he's slept with. The real reason I said that? Because when we started seeing each other ages ago I found out he was sleeping with another girl at the same time, and then we were off/on for ages and he slept with her again in the 'off' bits, and I've decided she's not as pretty as me because she has dreadlocks and doesn't wear nice clothes. Is this all about my insecurity that he liked her as well as me at that time? Yes. Is this argument good for him? No. Am I dick for saying that to him? Yes. Does he have a right to sleep with who he likes? Yes of course. Am I going to apologise at some point? Yes, I need to do that tonight and work on not bringing it up again.

Do the best thing for her. And learn a bit about why you find it so disgusting, you may find it ends up causing you way less pain.
Olivier5
 
  1  
Reply Wed 6 Jan, 2016 05:05 am
@The Pentacle Queen,
You rule, queen.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Wed 6 Jan, 2016 11:07 am
@Olivier5,
You know what Olivier and PQ? I always said if there was something I would do over again in my youth, it would have been to have sex with a LOT more people. Why? Because anyone from way back then that would have called me a slut were basically people in high school, and I had nothing to do with 99.9% of them the day after graduation. Never even saw most of them again.

Plus, if I was a slut, who the hell were the people doing it with me? Angels?
 

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