A deal breaker or not?

that's definitely not my personal experience

Yup; verbal communication is the most important aspect of a long term relationship - including the subject of sex.

I'm not so sure folks. Do you think a 47 year old man would be flattered if a 35 year old women told him "you are amazing for a 47 year old"? There is a 12 year age difference, and thats not really a problem unless he thinks he is doing her a favor by giving the ol gal a night to remember.

My experience (anecdotal and personal) is that the best sexual combos are somewhat younger men with somewhat older women. The reverse, not so much.

Well, of course, he may especially be liking younger women and you were on some cusp of maybe possibly being sort of ok. Or he thought you may be ok for someone so young (I am doubting this.) We do not know.

My advice is to learn to appreciate yourself.

are you talking about my marriage?

kidding, but not completely.

Well yeah, the sex can be great but when it's over, what do you talk about? (personal experience) only

Thank you all so much. So do you guys think I'm overreacting or is he a pig? He swears that he didn't mean to hurt me and apologized for the comment. Again his words were.....mmm you're amazing for a 35 yr old.

I can't speak for all the others, but his comment would put me off. If you didn't like it, then it's not an over-reaction. All sorts of things can be deal breakers, maybe he loves to watch Jerry Springer or he thinks Donald Trump would make a great President. You are either compatible or you're not. It's up to you, I think he chipped away at your self esteem.....I think that's a deal breaker...but I was married to an abusive man and that probably makes me more skeptical.

I'm more of a napper than a chatter, but at other times ... we talked about music, politics, arts, renovations ... all the regular stuff

is there a reason you can't focus on the "you're amazing" part of his comment?

he told you he meant something positive. why not try to see it as a positive?

are you trying to find a reason to dump him?

I believe the issue is your feeling that he was saying (I paraphrase) "I've been with young and old, and surprisingly, you rate right up there with the best I've had."

No one likes to be rated or measured when it comes to sex. In his mind, he might have trouble understanding how you failed to happily accept such an ego boosting rating. And one might argue that his intention is the important thing. One might also argue that his comment is indicative of his values. But ultimately, you are the one most familiar with him here. And you were the one who was there and heard what he said and the manner in which he said it. You should trust your intuition. You might also look at this experience as showing you the level of compatibility between the two of you.

Well good, that just wasn't my experience. They were affable enough, but ultimately, it wasn't enough.

I know that sometimes we can all be sensitive to comments. However, it does seem that your boyfriend didn't mean anything by it and did not intend it to be insulting. I think that you should try and let it roll off your back and carry on as if it didn't occur. You are 35 and you amazing! Don't forget that!

A few thoughts:

- 'You're Amazing for 35' is not as good a compliment as 'You're amazing' (the qualification reduces the degree of the compliment)
- the age reference could be read either as 'you're as uninhibited/accomplished as a more experienced older woman' or it could mean 'you're as energetic as a much younger woman'
- the OP's take that it must refer to a younger woman is born out of her fears. It could be true, or it could not. As Osso suggested, she needs to ask, rather than just jumping to conclusions.

Maybe it's just me. but I don't think you are over reacting. Something in his tone was off-key to you. If you thought it was off-putting, trust your gut. Sometimes you really need to pay attention to what he says instead of creating all sorts of warm fuzzy's to excuse what he said. I'm sure he thought it was a compliment, but somehow I still hear 'You don't sweat much for a fat girl". He may be all sorts of wonderful, but he's not more wonderful than you.

It reminds me of a old conversation with co-workers at lunch back in 1976, One of the men (a drunk with three day stubble 20 years before it was deemed 'hip or cool', asked me if it was true that my husband and I had separated. I answered honestly 'yes we have'. Then he said 'Yeah, that's what I heard, I was going tot ask you out, but I heard you had a kid, I don't date girls who have kids'

I responded, 'that works out just fine because I don't go out with bums'. He was still a little hung over, so he wasn't quite sure how to respond. Trust me on this, even drug addicted women wouldn't spend time with him, but it never occurred to him that he really didn't have all that much going on. Hell, he wasn't even funny, and that's my major weakness. I love men or women who can make me laugh.

I think you are overreacting.

He apologized and said he didn't mean anything by it. Why wasn't that enough for you? Is this a repeated "offense?"

If you're dating a 47 year old you shouldn't feel old. 35 is quite young.

Does he have a history of dating much younger women?

The only advise that is worth a damn on this is, is what has already been offered by others: If it still bothers you, talk to him about it.

If you're not prepared to believe him when he tells you he mean't it as a compliment (left-handed or otherwise) then you probably have other problems with this relationship.

Would the remark be at all similar to "You're pretty for a black girl", or "You're very smart for a Hispanic." ? Not stirring up stuff - sincerely just asking...

I was thinking along the lines of "You don't sweat much for a fat girl", or "Are those your real teeth?". I'm not trying to stir things up either, but sometimes when things don't sound right you need to listen to that voice.

Another disadvantage is that we can't see the body language.