Do I tell her, or keep it bottled up?

Reply Tue 3 Nov, 2015 11:41 pm

First things first: I identify as bisexual woman. I have officially only 'come out' to my parents, and five of my friends (three of them on the LGBT spectrum). I've been attracted to girls since at least high school, but I've only dated men. After a summer of reflection and single life living and a few pursuits with women, I now consider myself bisexual.

Okay so, I became friends with a girl who was in a student organization at my school. She is a year older than me and graduated last year. We started becoming really good friends really quickly. Normally, I take a long time to become close with someone, but it was so effortless with her. I always found her astoundingly beautiful, even before we were friends. But as we spent more time together and got to know each other better, I found her even more beautiful. I had a lot of trouble with finding somewhere to live during the summer with my impromptu internship and she helped me every step. I was extremely stressed over the summer between the internship and coming to terms with my sexuality and feelings for her.

She has had the same boyfriend for 5 plus years and they currently live together. He's a nice guy and all, but he's super boring and she couldn't be more opposite. Do they love each other? Yes. Is it an exciting loving relationship full of lust and passion, NO. They bicker whenever I'm around and she has made a few comments like 'this is why I wouldn't ever date again' or 'thank god I'm not single' which gives me an indication that she is completely settled. When my dad asked if she was happy I told him that she isn't necessarily happy, but comfortable. As someone who is at this point madly in love with her, these kinds of comments and mindset of being content and staying with him because it's easier and more comfortable than searching KILLS ME inside.

She begged me to come back to her house about an hour away from where I lived for some mental health days. I complied because I have trouble saying no to her, and I want to spend time with her. I was already a nervous wreck to be with her for 3 days and when I got in the car we exchange our normal greetings and then she said "mmm you smell yummy." So as if I wasn't already feeling nervous and awkward, that set my mindset for the rest of the trip. I spent the three days with her in her house and got through it without saying anything stupid. I got really close with her mom and had a great time, minus the awkward tension in my head.

A few weeks later I was going to have issues with my housing again and basically had no where to live for two weeks. She had told me that I could live with her all summer, which I thought was a very odd offer to give someone. She heard about my situation and offered her home to me for those two weeks. I had to take the offer, so I lived with her for two weeks. She was doing a Rock of Ages show at a local theater and I wanted to support her so I went. Well, her role in the production was a stripper. So I watched her dance around in lingerie for two hours, sing, smile and gyrate. All while sitting next to her parents. I was in heaven and hell at the same time. The sexual attraction and emotional attraction I have towards her was and still is overwhelming, so naturally the whole show was torture.

Now let's get to the exchanges between us that have me thinking that there's a possibility that she is somewhat interested in at least women, if not just me:

One night, out of the blue, she texts me and tells me that she had a "crazy, full-blown lesbian dream about [her] girlcrush on the softball team" at my school. I didn;t know what to do with myself. I talked to her about her 'girlcrush' and she mentioned a few others like Abby Wambach and the obvious- Ruby Rose. She then told me that her boyfriend has always thought she was bisexual. My first thought was, why the **** are you telling me this and why is this happening to me.

She's a very bubbly, fun person and very friendly to those she cares about. My first night at her house I got out of the shower and was in my room picking out PJ's when she came into the doorway to talk to me. It seemed like a weird conversation to be holding as I stood there in front of her in just my towel. She lingered for a long time and I'm not just saying that because it felt like forever. She really lingered.

We went to Atlantic City with her boyfriend and got a little tipsy. She was all touchy (but most girls are when they're drunk) and it seemed like she was clinging to me all night even though her boyfriend was there. THEN we went back to the room and went to sleep. Two double beds. Me in one and my friend and her boyfriend in the other. I woke up in the morning to someone moving next to me. She was next to me in my bed and she was cuddling with me. I turned my head, confused and hungover, and was met by her boyfriends eyes staring back at me... at us. I got really uncomfortable. He left and it was just us. She was asleep and kept moving with one leg over my legs and her arm around my torso. I have never been so uncomfortable yet turned on at the same time. She realized when she woke up that she was next to me instead of her boyfriend and asked me why, as if I knew... She giggled and said that she was drunk and must have been confused during the night when she got up to go to the bathroom. In my personal opinion, she wasn't even drunk. Tipsy, yes. But drunk, no.

For her mother's birthday, she and her sisters hired a psychic medium to read the family. I attended the party and sat outside with the rest of the family and her boyfriend. When my friend came out of her reading she was freaked out and distraught, I could tell instantly. Her boyfriend (who doesn't believe in the whole psychic medium thing) asked her what the medium said and she said, "We'll talk later"... He all of a sudden got frustrated with her because she was believing it and letting it upset her. She got pissed at him for being insensitive. The bicker all the time and I'm always just sitting there like an idiot. So, I went inside for some water and she followed me in. She pulled me into the bathroom and told me about how the medium told her she was a fool for thinking that she would marry her boyfriend and have a good life. the medium called him bland, manipulative and not good for her. She said some other things too that hit a heart string as well. She was very upset and freaked out by the whole thing. Seeing that I was a trusted friend who wasn't going to put her down for believing in something, she confided in me. I can't begin to tell you how hard it was to be supportive when all I wanted to say was, "She's right, he is bland. you should leave him." But I knew how completely selfish and biased that was, so I refrained.

Do I tell her how I feel? Just to get my feelings out there? I honestly think that I would feel better and more comfortable if I didn't have to hide my feelings for her. Even if they aren't reciprocated, I would feel better with this off my chest. I have already written something out just to get my thoughts on paper. I'd basically just be telling her that one, I'm bisexual and two that I have developed feelings for her and its been very hard for me to deal with them. We still spend so much time together and she always wants to spend time with me, so hiding them at this point is becoming nearly impossible. I want to emphasize to her that I value our friendship so much but I need to get things off my chest in order to feel better.

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. Advice, suggestions, personal stories/experiences, motivation and support
Reply Wed 4 Nov, 2015 05:43 am
She is in a relationship. Period.

Whether you think they are suited for one another is wholly immaterial.

If she wanted to end it, she would. There is some reason why they stay together. You do not see what goes on behind closed doors.

Should you tell her?

Only if you want to end the friendship.
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Reply Wed 4 Nov, 2015 01:07 pm
I think you should tell her that you are a lesbian. Period.

Let her take the next step.

But don't allow her to use you IF she stays with him.

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Reply Sun 15 Nov, 2015 09:29 am
This is such an arousing story lol. I went through almost all of these myself. Then we did it. Her husband found out and now I lost her. I agree with the previous response that you should let her know who you are. If she has similar feelings which I think she definitely does will come out with her real feelings. If they are the same let her define what should happen next because it is her who has to make decisions and not you since she is in a serious relationship. Hope this helps
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