17 years old and no relationships for the past two years.

Ask a girl out. If she says no ask out another one. You have many great qualities but you need confidence. Have a sense of humor. Go to parties. Don't assume that every girl has a dozen boyfriends. Most of the really cute girls are alone on Saturday night because guys think this way.

Also, when I was 17 I made sure to have a couple of J's in my pocket when I stepped out to a party. "Wanna get high" was always a godd ice-breaker.

It won't help much to realize that most people feel shy, frustrated and unsuccessful at your age. Note: I said people because girls feel the same. These things work:
1. Turn the whole business over to God. Ask him for help.
2. Smile. All the time.
3. Be scrupulously neat and clean. Brush your teeth.
4. Cultivate friendships with popular girls...they have networks of other shier girls.
5. Be bold. Girls expect it. Show a "decent boldness".
6. Girls live from their hearts and minds outward...never forget this.
7. Now relax. Stop trying. God will provide.

PS: NEVER do drugs.

It won't help much to realize that most people feel shy, frustrated and unsuccessful at your age. Note: I said people because girls feel the same. These things work:
1. Turn the whole business over to God. Ask him for help.
2. Smile. All the time.
3. Be scrupulously neat and clean. Brush your teeth.
4. Cultivate friendships with popular girls...they have networks of other shier girls.
5. Be bold. Girls expect it. Show a "decent boldness".
6. Girls live from their hearts and minds outward...never forget this.
7. Now relax. Stop trying. God will provide.

PS: NEVER do drugs.

You seem really level-headed, maybe even too smart for some of the girls your age. I've been there. Just hang on, show some confidence, and it will happen.

Patience, my friend. That, and be outgoing. Just be a good guy, fun to be around. Someone is bound to be interested. And, the bottom line is, if a gal is interested, you'll get an idea from her behavior. But you need to know her first in order to know if she's seriously attached. So make friends! Male friends! Female friends! Young friends! Old friends! If you show that you're a good person to be around, people will naturally flock to you.

You have to go through a lot of no's before you get to a yes, so start asking women out. And be prepared for rejection, but don't let it get to you. The more you ask, the more likely it is that someone will say yes, and in the meantime you will have gotten practice and more confidence.

PS As a somewhat shy girl and friend of shy girls in High School, I can tell you for a fact that we never hung out with the popular girls. Ever.

Great feedback, thank you!
Thank you all for your valuable advice, I believe that this advice is keener to today's world than the suggestions I was given by my parents and others of other generations. I believe due to a pretty hard life in the area of town I live, my confidence has dwindled somewhat over the years since middle school.

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NickFun: Your words were very helpful, yet drugs aren't something I see helping me out, but yet all the rest of your advice has helped .

Chuckster: I am a devoted Christian and I believe God has helped me over the years regain my sense of self, but I still pray and wish for his support. Also I love to smile, but its hard when things look grim, I'm working on removing the stuff in my life that brings me down. I am glad that girls indeed like someone who is neat and clean, except with the way we wear our clothes today in high school, its hard to put off that image.

When you mentioned that I cultivate friendships with popular girls, I remember how in the past I have mainly accidentally done that. At first I thought it was a bad thing, since with all the friends they have, I'd get nowhere trying to talk with them. But, I guess even with the friendships I have with some, I can hopefully make something work for me out of your advice. I wish to also work on the boldness of my speech and personality, something that I think I lack at times. I'm not sure exactly what you mean't with "girls live from their hearts and minds outward", but I kind of get the picture.

Anyway, thank you very much for your helpful message .

cavfancier: Yeah, I get where your coming from me seeming level-headed, I believe somewhat that has turned away some girls, but also attracted others. I'm staying patient for the time being and will work on the qualities I must have for achieving my goal. Thanks for your help.

jespah: I like having fun and have many friends whom I often hang out with, something I'm thankful for having, we look out for each other as brothers. I will in my final year seek out some girls I feel I like and get to know them, there is bound to be a few who like me the same I like them and if I'm rejected when I ask them out, so what, there's plenty of other fish in the sea . Your advice was very helpful and has added new options to know about when seeking out a relationship with a girl.

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Since its going to my last year in high school I hope to make it a good one, which means finding girls to bond with and just hang out with. It might be a little hard with the classes I've set up for myself, but I'll work in the time and I believe when I go to college, meeting girls will most likely become easier for someone like me.

Again, thanks for all the help and will put this advice to good use. If there are any more options people have, I'd gladly like to here them. :wink:

-Chris.

Armagnis, welcome to A2K.

We just went over this subject recently... Click here.

Armagnis--

You sound like the dream of girls, who have discovered the 'popular boys' turn to **** after high school.

College will be your Glory Days re dating. Most girls are out for the 5 or 6 boys, who have been deemed 'the best catches' in high school and are dating for status more than anything else--but along the way, they learn that those guys don't have to 'work' in a relationship, or in life during high school. The bad thing about being one of those popular guys is that everything comes too easily for them--girls, popularity, sometimes grades, when the coach runs interference for them... They grow up skewed, and though it looks like they're doing great--it is an illusion, to them, and to others watching.

Crazy as this sounds, they may think you're gay. My nephew was 16 before he chose a gf, and a lot of people thought he may be gay. He is built, plays football, incredibly handsome... But didn't like frivolous, catty or forward girls--the ones who chased him, called him, etc. He finally found a quiet, beautiful, thoughtful girl, who like him, eschewed 'social gaming'.

You may not feel like it, but I think you are one of the lucky ones. You're smart, and have a promising future. You are thoughtful, and take things seriously-- You are 'serious boyfriend material'.

In this rabid hormone, Christina Aquilera-type dating environment, I suspect you are a bit too reticent to capitalize date-wise. You probably have to be aggressive and a bit of a player to attract attention. For your future prospects, your group of personality traits will be very valuable to the women you want to attract. For now, they are hampering you.

I do think you should branch out a bit. Put yourself out there. Socialize with guys and girls, as someone else suggested. Work on your self-confidence. Dress like you have a great girlfriend, pay close attention to your appearance, develop your sense of humor, try to relax.

Does a friend have a gf? Could you ask her to set you up on a double date with them? Even if the girl you go out with isn't quite 'it' for you--people will know you're interested in dating--she will tell everyone how nice you were, how great you looked, what a great kisser you are, and how attentive you were to her... Go somewhere nice.

If you don't have money--get a job. Part-time, if necessary--but get some money to facilitate your improved clothes and dating prospects. You may meet someone at work.

Look at magazines of males in sales ads. Is your hair current? Clothes? Shoes? I mean, you shouldn't have to conform, but sometimes that's the biggest obstacle in high school dating.

Sometimes, if you look around in your classes, you will see a shy girl, maybe she doesn't look like the blond, tummy showing hotties, but maybe she's beautiful in a quiet way. Look at some of the 'off the beaten path' girls. And,when you settle on one--try walking her to her next class. I'm sure something would arise in class to talk about for a few minutes--or sit with her at lunch, or be next to her in line at lunch-- Ask her to a movie.
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Kissing-- So, you haven't yet?
My tips-- First of all, if you're nervous, make yourself get over it. Mind over matter--convince yourself you're a great kisser. Believe it's as natural as breathing.

Soft.

Don't open your mouth before your lips touch hers. I once had a guy come at me with his mouth wide open. I ducked.

If you don't want to start off ramming your tongue down her throat, go in for the soft double kiss--contact of soft 'practically closed lips' (no pucker), and then open your lips slightly to pull her bottom lip just a tiny bit. You may want to close out the transaction with another short, soft lip contact with her lips.

If she sticks her tongue in your mouth, open slightly for it, and try to cover her lips with yours to avoid icky spit, trailing down her face or yours--but try to end this transaction with the soft lip, short kiss to try to disconnect any spit that may occur.

The thing to avoid here, is being later accused of ramming your tongue down her throat or causing excess spittage on her face--or having hard, puckered lips.

My personal favorite: A nice, quiet moan or noise of satisfaction during the kiss, and touching hair(very softly). I think for your first kiss, you may not want to go for the bear hug. Coordinating all that, while kissing the first time, may lead to winding up in the hedges.

(Strike all that if you feel very natural about it, and choose to wing it.)
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Others may disagree with my kissing advice. It would be fun to see other ideas for a first kiss.

PS-- Is there a huge church nearby with a big youth program? A great place to find girls who possibly have a lot in common with your dating sensibilities.

Good luck, sweetheart!

Sofia has it right. Girls like a guy with brains, no question. Not the guy who tells you you're wrong all the time, not the guy with the self satisfied smirk on his face, but the guy who talks to you, the guy who is interested in things, knows which way's up.

A personal peeve with most of the guys I've gone out with has always been their apparent inability to speak in my presence. I don't mean all of that touchy feely emotional crap that men seem to think is all we think about, just talk. Like "I saw this really awesome movie the other day" or "I'm thinking of doing such-and-such an interesting thing tomorrow". The kind of stuff you say to a friend. Because a boy-friend or girl-friend is, after all, a friend.

As for the drug thing, yeah it's a great pick-up line..... if you only intend to pick up totally useless drug addicts. Not worth your time if you ask me.

A first kiss? Hmm. I'd have to say start with closed-mouth. It's soooooooo much nicer to build it up from there. And yes, I too have ducked the gaping maw of the amateur . Don't go there until you're comfortable.

man i always have girl troubles when i hurry into things take it slow get to know the girl then ask her to hang out if all goes well then ask her out for a date. oh by the way i don't go chasing after girls that i know my friend is very intrested in unless its someone sister

Mmm....while it didn't lead to a relationship, I certainly remember my best kiss. It was in college, with a girl I had been wooing. We were, at that point, 'just friends'. I had her over, served her a crapload of wine, and introduced her to the oyster. She had never had one before. We shucked and sucked the creatures one by one, with candlelight. When it came time for her to go, we did the traditional kiss on both cheeks (I was in Quebec at the time) and then I gently stroked her cheek, and softly kissed her on the lips. Then, after her positive response, the kisses became more passionate, and eventually ended in some serious tongue action, and tight embraces. I asked her to stay, she wouldn't. She walked to the elevator literally saying "Whew!" and shaking her arms, and wiping her brow. We never hooked up beyond that (for reasons I won't disclose), but it was one awesome kiss.

Chris! Yikes! You have "created a MONSTER!"
Just kidding. It's abundantly clear that you have many well-meaning soul mates who,by and large, wish you all the very best.
Thank you for the point-by-point reply...it shows your uncommon courtesy and decency...and is most appreciated.
I'd like to share in closing that I am married to a wonderful wife with family roots in Hoosier land ( relatives are out here visiting with us right this day) and my son turns 17 in August.
We have had talks along these lines and with your kind permission, I'd like to give him a transcript of our chat here as a birthday memento and a token of my love for him.
Off to Church. Have a wonderful Day!

Wow, even more great stuff
Thanks again everyone for the awesome words, I've learned much more .

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Sofia: Thanks so much for the inspirational words and all the in-depth detail you have given me. I'm looking forward to college a lot and all the qualities it will display, especially with the ones I'm looking into. I believe you when you talk about guys who are popular I definitely see where your coming from, just looking around my high school what you say is very true to reality. Funny thing is, a best friend of mine is considered popular.

Back in middle school, the word "gay" was pretty much put on any guy who didn't have a lot of contact with girls and had good grades; unfortunately I like many was called that word sometimes. I always went for the shy or sweet girls, instead of very outgoing and snotty; for my choices, it wasn't till 9th grade I found a girl that fit what I was attracted to.

Also, yeah my personality traits are pretty much a nothing to girls at my age, plus any girl who might be interested is sometimes unknown of myself or friends that are like me. Up until my junior year, some of the girls at my school, were like, ?I?ve never seen you around school, are you new??

Even though poor, most kids at my school, unless I've told them, think I'm rich. I don't dress or act like youth in my financial situation, nor do I hang out with them. I've tried to put myself with good hearted people who wish for a great future of their own, I've definitely picked up on their positive attributes and intelligent reasoning.

Places my friends and I usually go to are bowling alleys, parks (with a basketball court or disc golf course), or anywhere else that seems fun; we usually find pretty girls everyplace we go.

I get pretty much my look from just looking on tv or sometimes out in real life, whatever I think I can afford and looks good for an average guy like me, I wear. Currently though I'm not sure with the schedule of senior year, I'll be able to get job lol.

Like I stated earlier, I go after shy girls over one whom is really outgoing; I believe the shy girls have a lot more of a mind and choose their friends based on their great intellect & outstanding personalities. It is one of the most attractive things in a girl I think :wink: .

Whenever I do find a girl to be with, I'll definitely try to work out a way to walk her to class and whenever I see her at lunch or after school, to be with her.

And wow, your advice on kissing is amazing, very detailed and something that I'll try to memorize . I am without comment.

Again, thanks a lot for your very helpful advice, you have helped me out a lot.

Fortune: Indeed, whenever I am around girls I do exactly what you say, I'm a gentlemen and love to listen to what's on their mind. Also, when you mention about speaking in a girls presence, I'm pretty outgoing and try to speak with them like I would with my friends, so to keep them and myself relaxed.

Lol, yeah I'll definitely try to keep the kissing in a mild matter for my first couple of times, I'll only branch out once I get the experience.

Thanks for your light heartedness and supportive words.

Coolbeansdude: Heh, a short message, but a good one, I don't want to freak out a girl by asking her out too quickly, I usually wait a while till we know a bit about each other. Thanks for the comic relief and inspiration.

Cavfancier: A story that has given me some thought and ideas, I know I will remember the best kiss in my life .

Thanks for sharing your story, it was a helpful read.

Chuckster: Lol, I had no idea how much great feedback would come to this post, but I'm very thankful for the advice given by yourself and everyone else. No problem with responding individually, I enjoy it, gives myself satisfaction in the stuff I've read and probably the person who wrote it. Also, its very cool you have roots here in Indiana, a great and little state; I was born here and have lived in the state since , would you happen to be an Indiana University Basketball fan?

Heh, anyway, your welcome to share this with your son or anyone, there's a lot of wonderful input here.

Thanks for your comments and its pretty neat to know you have family whom are Hoosiers.

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More awesome stuff that I have learned and thanks to you all for sharing all the information. You have truly blessed my life, I hope you all understand just how much . Peace be with you all.

-Chris.

Listen to Chuckster. God will help you get laid.

Selective perception: When a pickpocket sees a saint,all he sees is pockets.

You sound like me when I was about your age, but a girl. I had few dates, was petite, good figure, good sense of humor, good grades, etc. Once I gained more confidence around the time I was 18 and stopped worrying so much about being popular and decided just to be myself, I had boys asking me out left and right. I also started taking a little initiative. I would go and talk with a boy I thought was cute or I liked. It worked wonders. I would suggest instead of worrying about getting a girlfriend to start by making friends with some girls. Make some small talk, and then once the girls get to know you a little more, you will know who is available, and ask them out. The worst thing that will happen is you may make some great friends, the best you may meet a really great girl that likes you.

I had no real luck with girls/women until I was in my second year at university - aged 19. I also know/knew people who've waited even longer than me. Definately don't feel as if you're in the minority! Chin-up, patience. It's definately worth the wait - the anticipation just heightens the senses and increases the fun!

g/f status
Hi Armagnis~
I am a senior at your school... and you know me, but we'll keep this annonymous for right now. I just thought that I would let you know that you are very handsome, and that you are a wonderful athlete. I know that you are very religious, and I find that very attractive. But, I do know that to a lot of people at our school you come off as stuck up, and it would seem that you think you are better than everyone else. I personally don't think this, and I know that you are a very sweet and sincere person, so if you maybe didn't put yourself on a pedastal quite so much and brought others up with your words, it would help you out. Like I said, you know me, so, if you think you know who this is, go ahead and IM me... yeah.. I'm on your buddy list. ttyl bud

Arm-doggie! This could be a joke. But maybe not. If she's real, she exhibits some "decent boldness" herself. I love people with strong self-concepts. Her "echo-check" on your qualities is encouraging...she pays attention. Enjoy!