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Jealousy issues

 
 
Jima27
 
Reply Tue 14 Jul, 2015 07:24 pm
I get upset all the time because she s very friendly to other guys to the point where it s flirty. It s in her nature, but I feel like being in a relationship is a good reason to alter the way you talk and interact with other guys. She thinks it feels like I want her to change who she is, which I kind of understand how she could think that. She sometimes has close guy friends that she ll softly touch from time to time in conversational settings. I go to the extent where I try not to look at other girls too much because that s how I feel I should be in a relationship. She talks to way more guys than I do girls, and she s even considering hanging out with a guy she just met at college orientation 1 on 1. It concerns me, but she assures me she loves me and only me and that I should never be jealous
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Jul, 2015 07:35 pm
@Jima27,
Take her word for it. Have you ever had a reason to not trust her? How long have you been going out exclusively? Gather yourself and be confident in yourself and your relationship.
Jima27
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Jul, 2015 07:39 pm
@Ragman,
8 1/2 months but I trust her, I just don't like how she treats other guys with in some of the same ways she treats me, her boyfriend
roger
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Jul, 2015 08:12 pm
@Jima27,
Yes, but wasn't that what attracted her in the first. Maybe you just like girls that are kind of flirty, but expect them to change suddenly because of you. Maybe she'll tone it down when she see how it affects you, and maybe she thinks she's just being friendly.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Tue 14 Jul, 2015 08:53 pm
@Jima27,
If you're not comfortable with who she is and how she behaves, you should probably look for someone different to be in a relationship with.

I'm sure there are women who think the way you do. I don't know them, but I'm pretty sure they exist and one of them would likely suit you better.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Tue 14 Jul, 2015 08:53 pm
@Jima27,
Jima27 wrote:
I feel like being in a relationship is a good reason to alter the way you talk and interact


no
nope
just no
never
nope
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Jul, 2015 09:12 pm
@Jima27,
Quote:
I get upset all the time because she s very friendly to other guys to the point where it s flirty. It s in her nature,
First of all - you need to know what makes you happy, what makes her happy, whether or not you trust her, and whether or not a happy balance can be achieved.

That said - I'm willing to bet it her touching / flirtatiousness was a primary quality that drew you to her in the first place.

Quote:
She sometimes has close guy friends that she ll softly touch from time to time in conversational settings
It may help to realise that People experience social life in 3 primary ways:
- sight
- sound
- touch
For each of us, one of those senses is dominant - sometimes very dominant. It is not just about what we want to do, but about how we experience life - deep down.

Your girlfriend may be one of those for whom touch is the primary sense for experiencing life. If so, she would be much, much less happy never touching anyone again (even with you to touch).

People who's primary experience of life is through touch, are often known as 'touchy feely' people.

So you say you aren't trying to change her, but it's quite possible you are.

Don't get me wrong - there is nothing wrong with you being uncomfortable with it (every person has the right to honest emotions), just as I would say that if it is in her nature (ie. it's her way of expressing friendliness, without venturing into territory where she may stray) - then there is nothing wrong with her touching....it may simply be a compatibility issue, or an accomodation issue, or even compromise (I wouldn't recommend compromise on such a big issue)
Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Wed 15 Jul, 2015 12:06 pm
@vikorr,
vikorr is correct - there are people who are like to touch in their normal interactions. I know women and men who touch the other person lightly whether the opposite sex or same. Just their way.

Honestly if you have no reason not to distrust her, you should let it go. Just realize that if she didn't want to be with you, then she wouldn't so no reason for the jealousy. Appreciate her friendly nature. You, yourself said it is in her nature. If you ask her to change, she wouldn't be herself, try to look at it as a positive - that she is a kind caring person that shows that to the world.
0 Replies
 
 

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