I hate that my sister is so similar to me

Forums: Family, Jealousy, Sibling
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I am the oldest in my family, and i have a sister that is only two years younger. We grew up together and because of that we share a lot of the same interests. However, she was always known as the more prettier and smarter sister. The crazy thing is I would like something first, like drawing. Next thing I knew she was really into it too and my parents would act like she started it and she was so special for that.

It always bothered me when she copied my interests but eventually I grew out of it, or so I thought. As we got older we still shared many of the same interests and I actually was glad! Because not many people I knew had the same interests as me, so I was happy that she was like me.

She became more beautiful and got a little fame online for it, and although that made me a little jealous I was mostly happy for her. Because this was HER THING. I had my own life and interests. She had her own career goals, a different personality and different style.

But suddenly, she decided to change her choice and persue the exact same career as me. Suddenly all the old feelings of jealousy came back. It felt like she was trying to steal something that was MY THING. I am very passionate about m career that it's almost part of my identity. I feel like sharing similar interests is fine but dong the same career bothers me for some reason? I don't fully understand this. She is even suddenly interested in moving to the same state I want to move to, so I can't event seperate myself from her in that sense. Of course, I acted happy and supportive about it but deep down it bothers me so so much.

Now she's applying for the exact same roles as what I do and even got a job interview before me. I feel awful, and it's not even like I'm doing bad for myself. It just sucks and I feel horrible for feeling this way, because I do love her.

I just need some advice on how to deal with this.

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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 1,173 • Replies: 11

[+3] - chai2 - 08/30/2022[quote="SadgirlsL"] The thing about my sister is she does not like it when people insinuate she copied them. She gets very angry and defensive, so I just hide my feelings from her...

@SadgirlsL,

Well, you stated that very well. Have you considered sharing that with her?

1 Reply

@roger,

The thing about my sister is she does not like it when people insinuate she copied them. She gets very angry and defensive, so I just hide my feelings from her because i don't want to ruin our relationship.

1 Reply

@SadgirlsL,

The only thing you can control is how you react and feel about things. Your sister has the right, as you know, to pursue whatever interests she likes. The fact that she copies so much of what you do can be seen as a little flattering. But since you feel the way you do, I'd suggest speaking to a therapist about it.

Another suggestion is to not spend that much time with her so that you don't get annoyed by this so much.

It sounds like you feel your parents give her special attention and treatment. Do you think that's really true? Your therapist can help with this, too.

It really is worth seeing someone - no one should feel the way you do and it's likely never going to stop unless you get some clarity and insight or, at the very least, some understanding and coping mechanisms.

I think many would feel the way you do and one way to address it is to make jokes, "Wow, you're copying me again?? What would you be doing if you didn't have someone to copy?" along those lines. Maybe she just thinks you have great ideas.

But I certainly do get your frustration!

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@SadgirlsL,

SadgirlsL wrote:

The thing about my sister is she does not like it when people insinuate she copied them. She gets very angry and defensive, so I just hide my feelings from her because i don't want to ruin our relationship.

Well of course she gets angry & defensive. Someone is calling her on what she does.
She also know people just back off when she responds that way.
She ruining relationships, no one else

1 Reply

@Mame,

Thank you for the advice, it's definitely been a tough experience because I love her but I can't help that it bothers me so much. I will try and get in touch with a therapist

0 Replies

@chai2,

I feel like I'm walking on eggshells with her sometimes because anytime I say she is doing similar to me she just acts like she thought of it first. Our conversations go nowhere because of this Sad

1 Reply

@SadgirlsL,

I don't know why some siblings are so competitive with other siblings, but check with a good therapist, you need to find a way to thwart the negativity. Whatever motivates your sister doesn't sound healthy, but to be fair about all of this, I had to dump my younger brother about 15 years ago because his selfish needs were too big for me. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but he is so frigging selfish and self-centered I can't deal with making then changing plans all the time to accommodate his mood swings. Good Luck

1 Reply

@SadgirlsL,

Update: she realised that I'm mad at her! I thought that I was hiding it well but she saw right through me! Omg now I'm just worried our relationship will be from now on

0 Replies

@glitterbag,

Sibling relationships are really hard to deal with, I think a therapist may be the only way to deal with it. I'm glad you have distanced yourself from your brother though, it sounds like he was being toxic

1 Reply

@SadgirlsL,

Your sister may be being toxic, too. She's like your shadow. Go and stand in the sunlight all by yourself. Distance yourself from her, mentally. You are original and unique. Who cares what she does or who thought they did it first? You know who you are. Stand up for yourself.

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@SadgirlsL,

This is EXACTLY how I feel about my best friend. I've been scouring the internet for literally months trying to find someone who doesn't just instantly shame me or at least find someone who's dealt with something like this. My best friend is conventionally attractive, short, skinny, fits all the beauty standards. She has talent in all of the dreams I've always wished to achieve, but never will because she's been able to afford lessons and classes her whole life with her rich family and I've been living of food stamps for the couple decades I've been alive. Even in middle through high school, I was looked and dressed a certain way and always got called weird and ugly for it, teased and mocked and always heard people making comments and laughing. Then suddenly, a couple years ago, my friend decides to do the exact same thing. Dress the same way, hair, makeup, all of it. Now it's the most amazing and attractive thing anyone we've ever come into contact with has ever seen, and my god why aren't there just more original and creative girls like her??? It's AGONY. And I can never tell her this either because I don't want to ruin our relationship, just as you've said about your sister, and I really do love her for the person she is. But, in all honesty, I really just don't want to bring it up because then she'll go and tell all of our other friends how insane and mentally disturbed I am for it and they'll of course all abandon me and stick with her. I know exactly how this feels. Thank you for sharing your experience on here and making me feel like I'm not absolutely crazy

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I hate that my sister is so similar to me

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