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massive jealousy streak lately, one particular source. going crazy, need some help.

 
 
thehulk
 
Reply Sat 26 Apr, 2014 02:06 pm
Okay, my fiancee and I have been together for 2 years, and have an 8 month old son together. I love her dearly. Weve had a rocky year. Theres a lot going on, one thing is making me jealous. I dont think she'd cheat in me or anything, but we have broken up many times in recent months.

To the point: 12 years ago she had sex with the singer of a famous band, and blew the bassist of another really famous band. That in itself doesnt bother me (though I wish she had never told me). What is causing me grief is when I presented it to her as a problem (as in not wanting to hear them in the radio), she got mad and pulled the 'it was a long time ago, and before you' card. Fair enough.

So I sucked it up since then, about a year and a bit ago. Latelt its started to bug me again. Anytime shes cruising the radio, she'll stop if its one of their songs. What gets to me is that if I think ofbit everytime their bands come on, I think she remembers it too. Its the thought of her thinking about being with someone else that bothers me.

Am I off my rocker? What can i do to cull this insane jealousy?
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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 907 • Replies: 6
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jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 26 Apr, 2014 02:09 pm
@thehulk,
Get counseling. Seriously.

You are obsessing over something that's over a decade old.

As for your fiancée, explain to her - calmly - that it does bother you and you would rather not hear their music. Period.

She may forget on occasion, and you'll have to hear Boyz II Men or whoever. You may need to sometimes remind her. Again, nicely. Not like a raving, jealous loon.

If she persists, then it's a bunch of passive aggression. Either way, I suggest counseling and, if she persists, see if she'll come along (but go whether she accompanies you or not).
0 Replies
 
anonymously99
 
  -3  
Reply Sat 26 Apr, 2014 02:17 pm
@thehulk,
She seems young.
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anonymously99
 
  -4  
Reply Sat 26 Apr, 2014 03:47 pm
@thehulk,
Have sex with her already. Then you will have no more worries. Wink
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sat 26 Apr, 2014 11:41 pm
@thehulk,
Have you ever had a fantasy while with her?

Do you actually care about memory? (because it's never going away)

Do you think about the sex you had with every woman you ever slept with when you say 'I love you' or 'god you're hot' (or something you said to a lover or had said to you)?

Do you watch porn, or even smutty scenes in movies?

Seriously - in terms of actual her sexual fidelity- who cares about memory / movies etc, when she's not actually having sex with other men and you don't think she would?

...............

And on this topic but not directly related - about 8 years back, a female work colleague once told us that her husband became jealous and cranky at her that morning, because he dreamed of her having sex with some stranger.

And maybe or maybe not related - they broke up this year after she found out he had cheated on her multiple times.
anonymously99
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 26 Apr, 2014 11:50 pm
@vikorr,
Quote:
Do you actually care about memory? (because it's never going away)


What. The memory of you. Of course not. Memory is always there. You learn and move on.

0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Apr, 2014 02:48 am
@thehulk,
7 months together, pregnant, engaged, baby, love her dearly, rocky year, a lot going on. Off course there is, world win romance a child and a lot of responsibility. Good for her that she still loves music, must be a release for her yes?

There is nothing wrong with living your life, being assertive, capturing things within your life "you" personally wanted. Didn't you as well?

Firstly, you have to start with the "many break ups" in recent months, ascertain why, what was the differences how can that change what can you do.. You say you really love her.

Secondly, understand that you are both living in the present hopefully to have a future, nothing wrong with memories.

It's good that before she had the baby she told you of things that belong to her because she "shared".. You didn't suck it up, a person belongs "with you" not to you.

Your problem is, not jealousy, your problem is not knowing what constitutes a relationship, makes a relationship happy, going through life in the present..

Memories do not mean that you are living in your past, it's called a memory. Any memory can make you smile, get over it. Honestly and work on laughter, fun, togetherness "now" in your present or you may have to realise there will not be a future.

By the way, "jealousy" and you called yourself the hulk Wink So you must think you are a bit of a catch... Believe it.
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