Should I remove the safety net?

Why wouldn't your wife move out and leave the children with you?

1. Because she adores them.
2. This other guy isn't worth that and she knows it.

You're kidding, right?

You are willing to stay in the same house as this woman who is cheating on you? (for the kids and your finances?) And you think this is going to work?

THAT "plan" reveals a lot about you: deep down, you are hoping that she gets her senses back and begs a reconciliation. You want her to reveal to her family and to all god's children that she has been a cheater, so you can have the superior upper hand and continue to control her in the house with that, in front of her family and yours. (Shame, shame, bad girl.) You want to humiliate her and want to hang around to make sure it gets done.

Look - You have all the capabilities to care for your children and ensure that their standard of living does not alter. Show some dignity and get your own place, get joint custody, have plenty of room for the kids, and go on with your life.

PS - Time reveals all. She will tell her family in due time. That's not your concern or in your power. Since we don't know the other side of the story, there might even be the chance that her family will support her and understand why she strayed from the marriage.

You are right about reconciliation, id like that, it would be awesome and I believe things could be better than ever. But that's not going to happen, never! Of that there is no doubt!

Humiliating my wife does me no favours! Also the stance taken would be that she didn't start seeing this other guy until 7 Months after we were living separate lives and wasn't cheating anyway and due to weak boundaries I allowed that to happen.

I care for my children and that's where the attachment issues are for both my wife and I. Sure I could move out and get my own place, but in the mean time what? Stop paying the mortgage and bills in the home where my children are, what good does that do for me or my children. And why the **** should I leave my kids???


My wife is free to leave, she is the one that needs to start taking responsibility for being a single parent. She needs to sort out her income whether that be via more work / singing up for benefits (Which she is entitled to but hasnt claimed). I cant force her to leave, she is an equal owner of the house and has the legal right to be there regardless of her behaviour. If she can raise the capital to buy me out of the mortgage then I would leave, but she cant and to be honest I doubt that I can really afford to keep the house and have a life, but in the interest of my family me buying her out in the mean time, frees her up to move on and when my kids are happy and settled then I can decide what's in my best interests.

All I want to do is give her what she is entitled to but she needs to take action, nobody can take it for her.

The end result will be the same we can do it quickly, sell the house now and all forced to take the first option that comes along or take our time and do it in stages.

I'm sure her family will support her, god my family support us both even though they know all the details. And you are right time does reveal all, and in time I want it to be revealed that I acted in my family's best interests.

Oh, and no i dont have the capabilities to ensure my childrens standards of living does not alter. Everyone's standard of living is going to alter as two households are going to cost more than one, basic economics.

We can talk and talk and go over and over the reasons for the breakdown, but we are both on the same page as to why it did break down, we just arent on the same page with moving on.

Supporting her while she gets her finances in order to stand on her own two feet is all im trying to do. Maybe supporting her is the wrong thing to do it makes it to easy for her not to take any action.