Child Custody

Zacksmom--

Another aphorism: The man (or woman) who represents himself (herself) in a court of law has a fool for a client.

Do you want a lawyer full of empty promises....or a lawyer who understands how the system works?

What you personally want is not necessarily what the judge will decide to give you. Please be careful. You do not want to alienate the judge--and making the move and refusing to be responsible for transporting Zack could alienate the judge.

I disagree.
I don't know where you live, Zacksmom, but your lawyer doesn't sound very optimistic. It seems that she will accept whatever the court decides without a fight, so what do you need her for? I would definetly get another one.
I went through something similar and my lawyer told the judge pretty much everything I told her, and I got everything I needed for my kids.
I also wrote a letter to the judge telling him specifically why I was requesting certain things, and my lawyer gave that to the judge.
I didn't have any of this other boyfriend/girlfriend/ moving business in the scenario, though, and maybe that's what made the difference, but my lawyer and I were able to impart to the judge exactly what the situation was and why it was important and best for my children that their needs come first. The judge agreed and continued to uphold the agreement without amendment for years. It didn't hurt that their father showed his true colors in the courtroom, I suppose. That allowed the judge to see for herself that what I alleged was indeed the truth.
You don't want a lawyer who makes pie-in-the-sky promises she can't keep, but you also don't need one like the one you've got. If I were you I would call around. I am just speaking from my own experience, but unless you are not giving the full story and not truly considering what is best for Zack, I'd say your lawyer is not the one for you.

Every jurisdiction is different. I can only speak for where I am. The parent who is considering a move (if they are given the permission to move - there is a very specific distance limit above which the judge will decide if it is allowed at all), is responsible for all transportation costs incurred as a result of the move.

Hi Zacksmom:

Mediation gives you an opportunity to shine as a parent--to demonstrate to the mediator that you care about the best interests of your child--including your child's right to develop a relationship with his dad.

In my jurisdiction, it is typical for a noncustodial parent to be awarded visitation every other weekend, alternating holidays, and 2-4 weeks during the summer. (The amount of summer visitation is generally longer if the noncustodial parent lives a great distance away and cannot take advantage of more frequent weekend visitation.)

In my jurisdiction, a custodial parent does not need permission to move from one residence to another or even from one town to another within the state unless the custodial parent desires to move OUT OF STATE. If that is the case, the custodial parent must obtain the noncustodial parent's written permission or the court's permission. I am uncertain about New York laws--I can't find any specific statutory provision.

If you intend to move only 50 miles away (within the same state) and your intention for doing so is NOT MOTIVATED by a desire to interfere with the child's rights to visit his father, then I see no problem with your proposed move so long as you offer to share transportation costs in order to facilitate visitation.

In my jurisdiction, (unless one parent is in a far superior financial position than the other parent), it is typical for parents to share transportation costs equally. Usually, the noncustodial parent must travel to get the child to commence the visitation period and the custodial parent must travel to retrieve the child to end the visitation period.

I'm just a little disappointed that you saw a lawyer and your lawyer did not give you more guidance on these matters. Ask the mediator what the mediator thinks is the most typical visitation schedule in your jurisdiction deemed to be in the best interests of the child--and suggest every other weekend, alternating holidays, and a couple weeks during the summer so the child and the dad are able to vacation together.

Inform the mediator of your impending move 50 miles away from dad's house and suggest that the father be responsible for getting the child and offer to pick up the child after each visitation. This demonstrates how wonderful and flexible YOU are and how YOU are willing to do everything in your power to be fair and to facilitate a relationship between Zach and his father.

Split custody, where the child lives one week with dad and one week with mom on an alternating basis is almost never in the best interests of the child because it deprives the child of continuity and stability. Nobody should want to place the child in a situation where he has to live out of a suitcase because he has to move between mom and dad every week of his life.

If the child's father suggests split custody to the mediator, simply explain to the mediator that you believe Zach requires continuity and stability and split custody will not meet that need--the mediator will most likely agree with you and help the father to see the resulting harm to the child.

Mediation is an opportunity for you to shine, shine, shine. There is an excellent possibility that Zach's father will agree that you should have custody and that he should have a defined visitation schedule. There is an excellent possibility that the mediator can put your agreement into writing and present it to the court to be formalized into a final custody, visitation order (judgment). This would be a most pleasant means to resolve the issues you have faced recently without having to resort to a full-blown adversarial court hearing (trial) where the outcome might not be so certain.

If your custody and visitation issues are not resolved through mediation, I want you to have an attorney when you go back to court in September!

Take care and keep us informed.

Debra

It's only an hour away and you are willing to meet him half way. Unless you're moving out of the state, they really can't dictate where you live unless there is already a stipulation in place on an existing court order. Make sure you do what you can to prevent him adding any stipulations on the court order regarding moving.