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Wed 23 Jun, 2004 02:33 pm
I am a single mother of one child. His father and I were never married. I filed for custody of our son in may, and we have to go to court on the 28th of june. Now, I had called family court to see if I had to let his father see him or not, since I filed the petition. I live in NY state. They said it was up to me, since there was no formal agreement yet. Now, I let him go last thursday to his father's, and said I wanted him back home on tuesday, because wednesday was my birthday. Now, I called yesterday to see when his uncle would be dropping him off, and he tells me that his father took him to Lake George for a mini vacation. It's now wednesday afternoon, 4:31 pm, and he's still not home. I had the uncle call to see what was going on, and he wouldn't tell him anything. I don't know if there is anything I can do or not. But I want my son back.
If anyone knows what I could do, or has been through a similar situation, that would be wonderful to hear from you. thanks
Zacksmom
Oh, boy. I'm hoping for the best here.
Zacksmom--
What a mess. How old is Zack? Has his father been irresponsible about visitation before? Does he have strong ties (family, friends, job) in the area?
This performance is not going to sound well for Zack's father at the custody hearing.
Good luck.
The thing is, and I hate to say it...
maybe he's not planning to return your son. You can't get any information on his whereabouts, he's not home when you expected... and because there's no court order, you can't do a heck of a lot about it.
I might be thinking about calling the police.
I'm sorry, and I hope I'm wrong.
Noddy24 wrote:Zacksmom--
What a mess. How old is Zack? Has his father been irresponsible about visitation before? Does he have strong ties (family, friends, job) in the area?
This performance is not going to sound well for Zack's father at the custody hearing.
Good luck.
Yes it is a mess. Zack is going to be 4 on july 4th. He wanted to have him every other week, and didn't want to go to court for anything. I filed for custody because every time my son was coming home, he would say things that could only be coached, or told to him, not things he would come up with by himself. And every time I have let him go to his father's, he will say he doesn't want to come back to my house, or his father will say it's up to him, and he doesn't want to go, so it will always be a day or so after he should have come home. Everyone that knows us knows what kind of a father he is, and knows he's had nothing to do with Zack since he was born. It's all because I am moving on with my life, and have someone new. Although he's had different girlfriends all along, and even had his current girlfriend living in the house with us, while I was still there. So I moved out. And now he's acting like this.
I am just hoping that I get custody, and he will only get visitation.
the reincarnation of suzy wrote:The thing is, and I hate to say it...
maybe he's not planning to return your son. You can't get any information on his whereabouts, he's not home when you expected... and because there's no court order, you can't do a heck of a lot about it.
I might be thinking about calling the police.
I'm sorry, and I hope I'm wrong.
That's what I am so afraid of. He wouldn't tell steve anything today when he called, but he told him he would call me later. I haven't heard anything yet, and it's going on 5:30 here. Since there is no court ordered thing yet, I am afraid that I cn't do anything about it., and I am scared. If I don't hear from him by tonight I am going to call the police.....
Oh God. Good luck. I hope it all turns out okay.
And if it does, I suggest you let that be the last visitation without an order, just to be safe. Maybe he's just messing with you, but it's not good for your son to be used that way. Don't let him! Please let me know if he comes home.
the reincarnation of suzy wrote:Oh God. Good luck. I hope it all turns out okay.
And if it does, I suggest you let that be the last visitation without an order, just to be safe. Maybe he's just messing with you, but it's not good for your son to be used that way. Don't let him! Please let me know if he comes home.
Oh I definitely won't let him go with Joe again until there is a court ordered visitation agreement. I am not oging to go through this every other weekend or something..... Well, it's 6 pm here, and still no word from them. He doesn't care about Zack one way or the other. He says he does, but it's just to mess with me, because I left, and I am moving on with my life. And he doesn't like it. I can't stand him.
I will let you know when I do hear from him.
Perhaps Joe is just playing another game of "I'll Show Her I'm Not To Be Pushed Around". You say he's done this sort of thing before. Tedious, exasperating, but not serious.
Are you on speaking terms with his current girlfriend? If not, you might consider being nice-nice. After all, she didn't sign on for instant motherhood.
I'll keep my fingers crossed.
By the by, welcome to A2K.
Noddy24 wrote:Perhaps Joe is just playing another game of "I'll Show Her I'm Not To Be Pushed Around". You say he's done this sort of thing before. Tedious, exasperating, but not serious.
Are you on speaking terms with his current girlfriend? If not, you might consider being nice-nice. After all, she didn't sign on for instant motherhood.
I'll keep my fingers crossed.
By the by, welcome to A2K.
He's never actually taken off anywhere with Zack. No I can't stand his girlfriend either. That's a whole other situation entirely....
Thanks :-)
I just noticed that you said you were in NY state. NY has all its statutes online.
Debra_Law wrote:Hi Zacksmom:
What state are you in? Has Joe's paternity been positively established in a previous paternity/support action?
In my state (I don't know about your state), an unwed father must positively establish paternity before he has legal standing to seek custody or visitation. Therefore, in my state, an unwed father who has never had his paternity positively established through a paternity/support action and obtained a judgment of paternity doesn't have any rights. Under those circumstances, an unwed father who takes the child and doesn't bring him back when scheduled is no better than a kidnapper.
If your child was supposed to be home yesterday and his whereabouts are being hidden from you, I think you ought to call the police and file a missing person's report.
What exactly is yours and Joe's legal history with regard to the child and why are you filing for custody? I guess I'm trying to sort this out in my head--procedurally. In my state, it would never be necessary for the unwed mother to file for custody because her maternity is positively established simply by giving birth. She is the only legally recognized parent when the child is born. An unwed father, on the other hand, doesn't have any rights until he is adjudicated to be the father in a paternity action....and I have seen very few unwed fathers who voluntarily commence paternity actions on their own accord because that usually entails a SUPPORT ORDER!
If your state laws are online, we can take a look at them . . . .
His paternity was established at birth, because he signed the birth certificate. I filed so I could have custody of him legaly, because I knew he was ging to be a jerk because I was seeing someone else. I actually did call the police tonight, and they told me I had to call family court tomorrow morning, and there was nothing I could do. I said I filed a petition for custody, and he was supposed to be back to me yesterday, they said I have to call family court. So I don't know if there really is anything I can do. I called Joe tonight, and he is only doing this to hurt me. I said you knew I wanted him back. he says well doesn't it suck to want him and can't have him, huh. he's threatened me that he could move away and I can't do anything about it. He's really being an A$$hole about everything.
Debra_Law wrote:Great! I just noticed that you said you were in NY state. NY has all its statutes online...I'll take a browse through them.
Oh also, I have been the one to take care of him all the time. I stayed home with him, and have raised him. I just wanted it to be legal, so that I could move when I wanted to, and not have him try to tell me I couldn't.
zacksmom wrote:Debra_Law wrote:Great! I just noticed that you said you were in NY state. NY has all its statutes online...I'll take a browse through them.
Oh also, I have been the one to take care of him all the time. I stayed home with him, and have raised him. I just wanted it to be legal, so that I could move when I wanted to, and not have him try to tell me I couldn't.
Thanks also, for looking at the statutes. I have trid to look things up, but can't seem to find exactly what I am looking for.
Zack's mom, You called Joe, so does that mean he's back at his home, or did uncle give you a number? He sounds very cocky, and Deb's right; he blew his chances in court. Good luck today.
To do:
1. Contact Social Services
2. Contact a lawyer, who specializes in the practice of Family Law.
No, joe isn't paying support, and he never has. We did live in the his mother's house with him, although I stayed with my mom quite a bit, because Joe had his girlfriend living in the house as well. it was a very messed u situation, but I thought it would be best if Zack had both his parents around. I would go to my mom's during the week, and only be there on weekends. Then, she was kicked out, so I went back to being there more often. But still never all week long or anything. Then he also has another child with some other girl. They have joint custody, but he's paying her support right now, and doesn't have much to do with Ryan. When h e was coming to the house, I used to take care of him. He had nothing to do with either of the boys. I used to take Ryan with me to my mom's as well....
Then once his girlfriend came back to the house, all of them knowing full well how I felt about it, I went back to going to my mom's all week long, and I only went back on the weekends because I had a job on sat nights. You are right Deb, every state is different, and I wish this state was a little less lax on how they handle things. My boyfriend said in his county, if it were going on there, they would have had the cops after him right away. I called the family court this morning, and I can file another petition and ask that something be done, but without knowing where he is, I can't have him served, or I can wait until court on monday. So he is winning right now, and he knows it. But I just hope the judge will see how he's being, and he will give me what I am asking for.
Thanks very much, and I will let you know how court goes, definitely!
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