Child Custody

Good for you!
If you go into court unrepresented and the other party has a lawyer--it can be intimidating and stressful.

I'm so glad that you posted that you got a lawyer! Good going!

But do let your lawyer know that you are uncertain about visitation! I cannot imagine a lawyer who wouldn't ask for supervised visits in light of the fact that he doesn't return him in time and is toying with you. In my opinion, your son is a kidnap risk and the judge needs to be aware of that.

I agree suzy. I personally think that supervised visitation in this case is more than reasonable considering what this man is doing. I just wonder if the courts will see it that way.

Least to Most
General Information: A court generally will not order supervised visitation (the MOST restrictive type of visitation) unless all other LESS restrictive efforts to remedy a recalcitrant parent's behavior have failed.

I'm just saying she needs to let her lawyer know. In any case, the judge will decide.
My children's father was awarded no visitation of any sort for years, but of course the circumstances were different, although flight risk was one of them. For the best interests of the child to prevail, the judge needs to know everything.

Thanks Montana. I know, I jumped the gun a bit myself saying I didn't want him to see him. I have always said to him I wouldn't keep him from seeing Zack, but I also didn't sign on to be bad mouthed and degrated in front of my son by him and his mother. Thank you very much, and I will keep everyone updated most definitely.
I called family court back, and they dismissed her appearance from the court, but they are still going to hear our case. So I am glad. And when we do go before the judge, I am going to say I would like temp custody because of what happened this past weekend. Hopefully I will get it.

His lawyer won't be there monday, but the juge is still going to hear the case. While we are there, I am going to ask for temporary custody because of what happened this past weekend, I will say I have tried to let him have him, every other weekend when I know for sure he's off, and that I let him have an extra 2 days, because it was father's day weekend, and everything else that happened. I am going to meet with my lawyer right after I get out of court on monday, so I can start building my case then. And I am going to let my lawyer know everything, no matter how little or worthless I think the detail may be.
Deb, when we had sort of talked about things, before any of this happened, Joe had told me if I went to court, he would fight me all the way. I didn't think he owuld get the lawyer this soon, but I had a feeling he would do it. He wants him to go to the school district he's in, which isn't where I live. I want him to be with me, of course. And he wanted him right now, every other week. I didn't officially agree to this, and that is what he's going to say. That I had agreed, but I didn't. I said I would think about it. But he isn't home during the week to take care of him, his mother would be watching him. now that doesn't make sense, when I am home all day long, everyday. I wanted him to be the one caring for our son, not his mother, or girlfriend. Which is what happens now, even when he is home. It has alwas been that way, that's why I took care of his other son. he wouldn't.
I will tell my lawyer all of this though.
Thank you so much all of you!!!

yes suzy,
i will definitely let my lawyer know everything. No matter what.

Yes, tell your lawyer everything and they will decide what to say and what not too. It sounds like your ex is looking for joint custody and I wouldn't go for that at all. I don't think it's healthy for a child to be with one parent one week and another parent the next and then what happens when your child starts school in a situation like that. I think the court will grant you full physical custody since you are obviously always home to care for Zack and what's best for Zack is what the courts want. I do believe that you ex will probably be awarded half legal custody, but that's nothing to worry about. Your ex's recent actions will not play out well for him in court, so hang in there ;-)

Zacksmom!
Zacksmom:

Very good! You have everything going for you right now. Absolutely--tell your lawyer everything.

Wishing you the best!

Debra

thank you so much Debra. You have been such a wonderful help.
yeah I think it's just a preliminary thing. Since neither of us have custody, and I filed for it. I am not sure.....
I will let everyone know as soon as I get home monday how things went, and keep you updated from there as well. Thanks! Have a wonderful weekend.

Well, we went to court this morning. Didn't quite go as I had expected, and I didn't get the temporary custody either. The judge said he sees we both want to spend time with zack, and that's a good thing. BUt the trial is set for sept 22, so we are going to go back. He wants us to go to mediation, to see if there is some way we can work this out without having to go back to court. I am going to see how it goes, but I am not going to back down from what I want eiher. He wants him every other week, and that isn't what I want. PLus once he starts school, he can't be doing that. The lady looked at him like he was out of his mind thinking he's going to get him every other week. Then I said I don't appreciate the things that zack comes home and says, and that he is saying that daddy and frammie linda are saying the things. I said Is he saying I say these things at your house, he sais yes. BUt I don't believe it.
He gets him right now for this weekend since it's his birthday he's going to have him from thursday at 1pm to friday at 1pm, and then I get him the weekend, which sunday is his bday. Then the lady for mediation is going to call wednesday or so to set up an appt and see how that goes. Other wise we have to wait until sept...
Everyone is telling me I still have the upper hand, and once I talk to my lawyer, I will see what else to do as well....
Just wanted to update...

Zacksmom--

One of the hardest things about raising children from an Obsolete Relationship is remembering that the kids weren't virgin births--that in a moment of madness you picked a No Good to be the father of your beloved baby.

You have plenty of savvy. I really don't need to tell you to do your double damnedest to cooperate fully with the suggestions of the Mediator. The judge is hoping that the two adults involved will learn to work out their differences for the good of their son. The judge is also counting on the Mediator taking a good look at both parents and giving him some background so he can determine custody in Zack's best interests.

Undoubtedly, your summer will be disorganized, but with luck it will just be the summer. Learn to enjoy your time away from Zack--even if you hate his father's guts. Zack is 4 now--and you and his father have 14 more years to be civilized.

Was support mentioned? Can you get that on the court docket at the same time?

Good luck.

Thank you noddy. Oh I will definitely see how the mediation goes, but I also want to go back to court with my lawyer, and make sure that the judge knows he hasn't had anything to do with Zack until I moved on, and started a new life for myself and Zack. Then all of sudden he wanted to see him all the time, and started doing this. Plus he has another child he doesn't see. So it isn't that I want to keep Zack away from him, but I want him to be doing this for the right reasons, and not just to make my life miserable for the next 14 years.

Oh and no, support wasn't mentioned yet. I did file for it, but I could only make the appt right now, I go back july 7th to their office, to start the work up for it.

I have a question.... If debra could answer sometime too, that would be great. The judge gave me a proposed parenting agreement yesterday, told us to read it over, and think about it. It was just more of a guideline to go by, but there is something in there that asks if I plan on moving in the next 3 years, and if it's more than 30 miles, and then to explain what would prompt the move with the child. Now, I am planning on/in the process of moving, it's about 45 miles away, it's only about an hour away from my home right now. It may be even less from Joe's home, because he's close to exit 28, and it's exit 29a, so my question is then, would the court give me a hard time about moving, or would it be ok..... I know Joe is going to put up a fight about it, but I am only interested in the court... Thanks

Zacksmom--

I repeat, not matter what a SOB Joe is; no matter how he behaves; he is the man you selected to be the father of your child.

The court assumes that children should have access to two parents--in Zack's case, you and Joe. Kids need fathers. Zack (and the judge) don't care whether Joe is acting the father role because he loves Zach or because he wants to bug you. The bottom line is Joe is in the picture acting like a father.

I'm not a lawyer, but I know the mediation process is designed to promote the parents getting along because this is good for the child. Mediation is going on NOW. If you zip back to court with a lawyer to say what you think of Joe's behavior in the past (without being asked) you are ignoring the purposes of mediation and this may count against you.

As for the move, why are you moving? Will the move contribute to Zack's emotional stability or financial security? Will it interfere with Zack seeing his father? You'd better have acceptable answers before you spring this on the judge. Talk to your lawyer.

Good luck.

I am moving to start my life fresh, and because I want to be with my boyfriend. It will be emotional stability, better healthwise for Zack and I, I can get a better job out there, he will be able to go to pre school, he likes it up there. he has a good time. It's just an all around better situation for the both of us. No it won't interfere with Zack seeing Joe. The thing is, Joe doesn't want to have to travel any bit to see him. He doesn't even like traveling the 10 minutes between his house and mine to see him.
And I understand what the mediation is supposed to be. The thing is, Joe's behavior in the past has everything to do with how he is now, and how he will be. He has never had anything to do with Zack in the past. He is only doing this because he wants to still try to control my life...... I know him. He doesn't take care of him, even when he does have him. And I don't think it's fair to zack to pawn him off on his grandmother who bitches she's tired of taking care of kids, or his girlfriend who doesn't want kids, when I am home all the time to take care of him.

You're right, it isn't.
Just be honest and it will all work out as it should, hopefully.

yes I will be honest. I hope it works out too.
I am only looking out for my son.