my 2 1/2yr old wont come with me..

You are letting your fear sabotage your desires. Giving into a 2 year old never ends well, and it is a failure of parenting. Besides, she has already turned against you, your argument is illogical,

But her mother wont hand her over to me if she is upset.. and I cant and wont go arguing with her mother in front of my baby.. so its difficult.. I would rather my daughter come with me like she used to and not take her by force..

Ignore Hawkeye, he's a ******* idiot, and he has no place advising on parenting.

Accept you're going to have to stay put, make sure you spent all your time playing with your little girl. Take a toy to play with. Make sure she really enjoys the time she spends with you and she'll soon come round. She won't be 2 1/2 forever. It won't be long before she starts talking about places the two of you can go together. Don't push it, it will come in its own time.

Thanks a million.. its true she wont always be a baby.. its just really hard not seeing her 5 days in a row. I count the seconds till I see her again.. I will just have to suffer it out for now.. but it aint easy..

It will get better. It won't be long until she's counting the seconds until you come over. One good thing is that you don't have to get involved in any of the **** parenting brings, telling off, that sort of stuff. Don't get involved either, even if your ex asks you to. That's her job, make sure your time is just quality.

Even when I go into my exes house to visit my child and if the child does wrong I dont say a thing.. I let her mother correct her... all I do is observe..

That's the way to do it. Stay out of the discipline, and don't take sides.

Hang in there John, you are doing what you can for you daughter... and that is great. Remember that this isn't your daughter's fault, these parenting arrangements are stressful for kids.

Also, remember that your relationship with your daughter is a long term relationship. You will always be her father and she will want this relationship. Be super patient, and be available to her now and she will appreciate it later. It sounds like you are doing this.

Things change over time, it is likely that you will have a much better relationship in a year or two.

One more thing... when I was going through the difficult part of my divorce, my daughter and I had a couple of things that we always did together (that she liked). The cute, fun little rituals are not only fun, the provide stability and give her something to look forward to.

When my daughter was three, she went through an octopus stage. She wanted to draw octopuses with me every time she saw me (I drew thousands of the critters). I varied it up, sometime using crayon.. then pen... then octopus stickers and scissors to cut up octopus shapes out of paper... but always octopuses. She always loved it, it was fun to do and it bonded our relationship through some difficult times.

You might be able to find something fun that your daughter likes that will be the same. Kids love ritual and they love to do the same thing over and over again. Find something that she likes that you can do ... and go with it. Make it your special daddy-daughter time.

It takes patience, but you can do this.

I only raised 3 kids very successfully doing 80% of the work because my wife was mostly gone, so of course I know nothing about it.

My advise on parenting and relationships tends to be unconventional, because experience has taught be that conventional wisdom on these subjects does not work.

With my daughter, it was always "daddy's house, daddy's rules". When the three of us were together (thankfully this never happens any more) I went along with my ex-wife's rules.

But when you start spending more time with your daughter, and she get's older, you will have to be able to set limits in a responsible way and have rules that are clear and consistent. Learning how to set limits is part of parenting.

Of course, when you are at her mother's house, the "mommy's house, mommy's rules" standard applies.

But before he can parent he ex has to allow it. That it will happen is not a sure thing by any means, and it certainly is not the case when all he is is a babysitter for a few hours at a time.

Thats excactly how I feel is like a babysitter to my own child.. but to look on the bright side.. she wouldnt even give me a hug when I was goin home
At the start but now she does.. even if I take my keys from my pocket she says where you goin daddy.. so its small steps I suppose but its better then notin.

Have you told John about how you allowed a paedophile to babysit, and abuse, your kids? And about how you feel surprisingly guilt free when any normal person would be tormented forever. That's the sort of parent you are, and it's why you're totally unqualified to offer advice on parenting.

That's a fairly significant step I think, John. She is saying pretty clearly that she wants you in her life. Remember that this is difficult for your daughter... she is caught in this situation that she can't do anything about and can't even understand.

Be patient, things will change over the next couple of years as your daughter learns to communicate more and is a little more comfortable in her environment. If you are always there for her, starting now, she will develop a very close bond with you. Just be patient, she needs to feel comfortable.

Games and play are very important at her age. When you have this time (even a short time at her mother's house) play with her. Be silly. Take what she likes and make it more fun (it helps if you can think like a 3 year old). This will make your daughter feel more comfortable.

If your daughter likes art (and I suspect most kids that age do), you might try making yourself an art/activity box for you to take with you when you visit her. It doesn't need to be extravagant, just a plastic box, pink if you daughter likes pink, with paper, construction paper, glitter, crayons and stickers. This might give a focus to your time with your daughter, give her something to look forward doing with you and make things more comfortable. And you will be doing something with your daughter that will make her feel happy.

The most important bonding times with my daughter at that time involved this sort of activity.

Its kind of hard aswell to get that quaility time with my child in her house as she has two other kids aswell. So she just dosent focus on me. Shes playin with her siblings and watchin cartoons.. so the one on one quality daddy daughter time isnt the same as when itz just the two of us.. which is harder aswell..

Would the ex mind if you took ALL the kids out for ice cream or to the park? At your daughter's age, she will go with the herd (the known siblings) so try to make it a "gang" thing. I would think the ex would enjoy a couple of hours to herself.

Try to see your daughter more frequently. Even if it's just at dinner time.

She needs to remember your face. Give her a picture of yourself, too, to put in her room. Call or skype her, if you can.

Become familiar and frequent.

Don't worry about it -- this is normal 2 1/2 year old behavior. It isn't you - kids that young often times have a hard time transitioning from one place to another. Even for children who are with their parents all the time, will display this behavior after being a daycare, or at a babysitter's house or grandparent.

It isn't that she doesn't love you or want to come to you -- it is just being 2. She may be "busy"with whatever she is doing playing and wants to keep doing so. It could be she is comfortable with where she is right now.

Really no big deal - once you realize she is just behaving as a 2 year old and it isn't that she doesn't want to be with daddy it will feel better to you.

Now after reading your additional comments - it seems the mom is not being helpful. Have you gone to court to iron out your legal visitation rights. You should -- then she legally needs to allow you your time. Then I would suggest meeting the mom to iron out what is best for your daughter. If it is difficult for her to leave her mom - how about having her drop her off at your house, or having a person in between "hand her off"in a sense. That might make it easier for all.

Another thing - have a heart to heart with the mom. Explain how you want what is best for your daughter same as her - and isn't it best that both parents are art of her life? Let her know how willing you are to work with her.

Linkat, that is a great idea about getting help to make the hand-offs easier.

No mistaken my baby knows me.. but itz just the quality daddy daughter time im missin out on. She wont even give me an extra min with my own child so I wouldnt ask her anything about her other kids.. no point ringing my baby at this stage.. I tryed before and all she does is say hi and trows ths phone away. When she gets older I will be ringing her every day without fail..

Even when she brings her to my house.. she still wants to stay with mammy.. and when I go to take her she goes bananas.. the hrs I have were isued by the courts allready.. her mother would rather keep her from me then split her up from her siblings that bein honest with you.. and im not bein bad minded sayin that.. because the other kids father dozent have much dealings with the other kids.. she would love the same for mine aswell.. her mother knows how much I want to be with my daughter.. but she dozent care..