living with a pot smoker

Yes... leave!

If you can afford half the rent on a fancy place like that, surely you can afford to find someplace else, with a (platonic) roommate perhaps...

Sorry, I was responding to your previous post.

Yeah, I mean there can be an intermediate step, perhaps -- where you lay out the fact that you're ready to leave if he doesn't change, and give some sort of a timeline you're comfortable with, and hold him to it.

But seems pretty obvious that regardless of who is at fault, the two of you aren't working together right now, and that things need to change so drastically as to likely be impractical.

Good luck!

Lily, your story just keeps getting worse...Craven, are you out there?

Lilly...

I can't put this any plainer.


You


are


being


ABUSED.


If not by him, then by yourself. Get out.

Hmmmmm. Eh,... nope. Not buying. Good luck! :wink:

Lilly, at first I agreed with the sentiments of Occom Bill, didn't want to be mean, so stayed out of it. Then you wrote this;



Yes it most certainly does.

GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!

Do whatever you have to do to get off the lease and LEAVE!

Men don't hit women..... only scumbags do.

You can always call the landlord and tell him/her that you're moving out and you want your name taken off the lease.

I'd say the sooner the better. There are bound to be other people out there who are looking for roommates.

Erm - anyone else detecting a pattern here?

:wink:

:wink:

Lily, I feel for you but truth be told, nothing good is to come of this if you continue to feel sorry for yourself and keep making excuses. Hopefully, you've realized by now, you can't change him, all the time you've already invested into this relationship fighting and calling the cops on him proves this. He's still smoking right?

And smoking isn't the real issue here I believe. All of your problems in this relationship cannot boil down to just marijuana use. If someone will hit you when they're stoned, they'll hit you when they're not. From what I've experienced, weed always made me and those around me pretty darn mellow!!

I don't believe he is a bad guy for smoking marijuana, I don't believe you're a hypocrite for putting up with this situation for any reason when you're so "against" marijuana. Individually, who knows, Im sure you're great people, but together, you're bringing out the bad in eachother. Have a talk with yourself and make no excuses, know that you can't change who he is. He only has as much power and control over you and this relationship as you give him.

Good luck girly!

Ok everyone... here is an update.

We had a huge fight yesterday, and i mean a really nasty one. The other flatmate sidled with my guy and put me in a really bad position.

It made me realises how the addicts all look after each other.

And i dont want to live in house where somebody watches me being hit and will stand up for the guy doing the hitting.

I got my uncles from out of town to get my stuff for me. Actually they are there now getting my stuff. I am waiting for it, i will stay with them for a while until i can get my own place back in town somewhere.

My guy or should i say ex-guy's rent has just doubled. Hey i loose my bond and everything, but i realise after yesterday and listening to you guys that i dont think it was much to do with the pot. I think there were alot of other issues involved.

But i will say, yes he was an addict. He physically needed it. He would get the shakes if he hadnt had a smoke for a whole day, if he was running low he would have to go look for some more, but maybe because it was so readily available to him. He couldnt sleep with out.

But if there was no pot around and he had no possible access to it, he wasnt so bad... but he would still have trouble sleeping, he would get agitated easily etc etc

But all in all, i think it was his choice to smoke. I realised yesterday when he was hitting me because i had taken the pot he didnt love me at all. I think i was mere convenience to him, he really loved his pot and when it came down to it, it was definately beat me up to get my pot.

But i have a hundred missed calls from him on my cell phone, i got heaps of text messages, i deleted them without reading them

Hopefully he will buy more pot and he will just get stoned with his buddies and leave me alone, I dont want some strung out guy that has no pot harrassing me...

Good on ya.

My first year in the dorms at college, my whole floor was filled with pot smokers, and I had done it maybe...once? They used to go and get "baked" before dinner every night in somebody's room. And they'd always be smoking it on party nights, of which there were many.

I found out about a week into the semester that my roommate was dealing it out of our room.

We'd come back after being out at the bars, and there would be Bonnie with her 18-inch purple bong. Me, Bonnie, and whoever else happened to be around at the time would smoke pot, eat weird snacks like oreos and bean dip, play darts, and listen to Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin CDs. It was a pretty sweet setup that Bonnie had. And holy crap would we laugh a whole lot about nothing. I loved it.

Hey Bill, next time you get some good ****, let me know. :wink:

Getting baked before dinner in college is just practical. That way, you can actually stomach the food in the caf.

Good for you, lilly!

You're right about addicts. They always stick together and defend each other no matter what. What a sicko bunch. Glad you're outta there.

How bad did he hurt you?

Of course he is calling you and leaving hundreds of messages! Men who beat women are often contrite afterwards. Don't let that fool you. You saw the real him last night, and given the opportunity, he WILL do it again. This guy is really messed up. But that ISN'T YOUR PROBLEM!!!

Good on you Lily <nods>



Dont even think so. Perhaps thats how it goes with some people. Like some people wont miss their evening beers when there aint none about. But dont even think its like that because its pot.

I dont wanna remember the utter panic, the rushed bike rides at 2 AM, the anger outbursts, inability to sleep - all that - when an ex-gf of mine had failed to get her weed for the evening ...

I hated it. I hated it. I'd always had friends who smoked pot, but never like that. And there's nothing you can do. You try to agree on a max number of joints a day, but then you find she's taking money from your pocket to buy more.

<shakes head and shrugs it off>

(Ill give her one thing - well, I'll give her lots of things, but this one thing in any case - she never smoked inside, tho. That was respectful of her.)

Good luck, Lily ... take care of yourself, eh?

nimh,

There is a physiological difference between pot and cigarettes.

Not that some people can't develop a physcological/physiological addiction to weed or anything but there is a big difference.

Are you referring to the "compensation factor" or more generally to the "physiological addiction"?

<shrugs>

Jer wrote that pot users "don't get all nervous and freaked out if there isn't any for a few days...".

That may be true for some, but its definitely not true for all. Not true in Lily's (ex?)bf's case apparently, and not true in the case I was describing.

'S all I said.

On an aside, I'm really kinda surprised at some of the reactions here. If the guy had been drinking instead of smoking pot, and expressing the exact same kind of behaviour over it that Lily is describing - starting fights when told he cant drink tonight, having friends over drinking till late all the time, punching her when she takes her booze away, calling her stuff like a bitch when he's under the influence - would the answers have been anything like as "relativating"?

Dont wanna start a flame war over that or anything, just surprised.