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Sun 7 Dec, 2014 04:51 pm
I am 30, my boyfriend is 29, we both are Financial Independent adults.
I know him for 4 years already, we live in the same neighborhood. The first 2.5 years, we were acquaintance then became casual friends.
The next 6 months he spend to chase me. He chase hard for 6 months just trying to get one date with me.
He waited outside my apartment stairs many times, just to wait to see me so he can asked for my cell phone number.
After he have my phone #, he wants to spend more time with me; so he still wait outside my stairs hoping I would open the door, and go outside to see him/hang around with him.
I know we live in the same neighborhood and all, but I think it was extreme to be waiting outside a girl's staircase. He must be serious right?
I pretty much was touch by his persistent, and I didn't want to keep him waiting outside, it was cold in the winter time too. So I gave in to be his girl, and that how this relationship started.
We have been dating for 1 year already, and we are in committed relationship. The ways he treats me is still the same as day one, he is a caring, loving and protective boyfriend. He doesn't even let me carried a light bag of groccery, lol.
We are an interracial couple, so we do get alot of ignorant/negatives comments towards us; but it doesn't bother him at all. He told me to be strong and "We" will make it through this together.
It is all his effort, his persistent and steady affection that help carried this whole relationship through till now.
I believe he committed to me because out of his own willing, he bought matching 'promise ring' to show his commitment (it's the classic band wedding ring type).
He wears the ring on his finger all the times (even without me remind him). So this should be a good sign that he committed right?
He wear the ring everywhere, I don't know if he take it off when carried big work load at his Warehouse job. But whenever he not at work, I always see him wear it.
He always wants to live together with me, and he mentioned marriage. He even asked me when am I going to give him a son, yet still have not pop the "propose" question.
So should I be worried? I am sure he is not cheating on me because after work he drive straight back to be with me, and he tell me his whereabouts.
We both work full time, so whenever we have same day/time off, we do sleep in the same bed. And I know his body smell, so if there another woman smell on his body, I would definately know.
So far no clues or signs of him cheating, no different smell on his body. So cheating is not a possibility, unless he hide it real good.
I just wondering why he still not propose yet? When he always wear the ring, and he talks about live together/marriage/give him a son, etc...
Of course I don't want to force him into marriage, it is not true happiness if you are forcing your man to married you.
Any opinion/advice on why he still not propose? Should I worried that he not committed to me?
So I'm just the girl in his neighborhood, the official "girlfriend", the girl got him to wear the 'promise ring", and that's it? This gonna to be the status for the rest of my life?
BTW, we are a poor couple live in "the hood". He is far from rich, neither am I, but we both have full time job. I splits half half on dates with him, I always pay for my own.
I told him that if we live together. It will be 50/50 Financially; that this month I pay for rent, next month he pay for rent. All household bills will be split half half, evenly distributed.
So money shouldn't be why he scare of marriage, because he have no assets. His permanent address is his mom place, he have no place of his own. He only have clothes, some favorite books of his, his Car, and his Warehouse job.
It's only been one year since you have been dating. Already you have a "promise" ring - really an "exclusive" ring. He seems right on schedule. You seem impatient.
Let things be.
@PUNKEY,
But I know him for 4 years; we are neighbors, we live in the same neighborhood, we were friends prior to dating, casual friends but still friends.
Do you see any red flags to him? Like is he serious about this whole relationship? Does he even sound committed?
Should I worried that he not committed to me?
So I'm just the girl in his neighborhood, the official "girlfriend", the girl got him to wear the 'promise ring", and that's it? This gonna to be the status for the rest of my life?
So, you've got about 15,158 things that says and shows he's commited to you, and one, maybe 1/2 a thing that worries you.
You do the math.
Wait.
On the other thread you started, you never did answer me why you regularly take out the police report on your mother, and re-read it, making you cry.
@chai2,
I don't "regularly" take out the domestic "child abuse" police report/court papers of my mother beaten me when I was little.
Sometimes when I clean my room and I came cross it, so I read it, and it remind me of what happened, so I tears up.
Lord, I still haven't tell him about why last time he saw me cried in my sleep - this "child abuse" past of mine. I must tell him tonight
Sorry, I must think too much. Because many people doesn't like to see us together. They said that he is a player, he is not committed, he will hit and run. He string me around until a better girl come along, and I'm just something new to him to play with.
All these negative comments about "us" together, give me some thoughts that he might not be committed to me.
@independentgirl,
Ok I am an old timer here, but why pose this question to strangers online? This is for you and him to decide, your mother if around will give you her opinion, and it matters not, only your opinion matters. You just do not know who you are asking for advise on what may be the most important decision of your life.
My 2 cents, is that if you need help in choosing, that your unconscious mind is telling you no. However, we all went thru that at some point......
It's up to you.
@PUNKEY,
We just a poor couple live in "the Hood". He is far from rich, neither am I, but we both have full time job. I splits half half on dates with him, I always pay for my own.
I told him that if we live together. It will be 50/50 Financially; that this month I pay for rent, next month he pay for rent. All household bills will be split half half, evenly distributed.
So money shouldn't be why he scare of marriage, because he have no assets. His permanent address is his mom place, he have no place of his own. He only have clothes, some favorite books of his, his Car, and his Warehouse job.
I know some men scare of marriage, because they don't want to loose their assets if divorce, but my boyfriend doesn't have any assets.
He even asked me when am I going to give him a son? Yet no propose, so he just wants me to his baby mama? Yikes
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:
So, you've got about 15,158 things that says and shows he's commited to you, and one, maybe 1/2 a thing that worries you.
You do the math.
And re read the above.
You look for troubles. You re read things that upset you, you come up with questions about commitment when overwhelmingly he acts in a commited way.
When you look for trouble, you will be certain to find it.
Why not just realize he's doing all the right things, and stop dregging up things that you know will upset you.
I really have no more to say.
@chai2,
Thank youchai2,
I developed the 'Insecure' from being mentally abuse, and belittle from my mom throughout my whole childhood. So now sometimes I doubt myself and I doubts others. I need to work on this, insecurity is not good in a relationship.
But he asked me when am I going to give him a son, yet no propose, so maybe he just wants me to be his baby mama.
@independentgirl,
So why do you keep re reading police reports that make you upset?
If you come across them while "cleaning your room" Throw them out. Problem solved.
oh wait "I caaaan't....."
@DNA Thumbs drive,
DNA Thumbs drive wrote:
but why pose this question to strangers online?
DNA, I posed this very question in this other thread....
http://able2know.org/topic/245594-1#top
@independentgirl,
independentgirl wrote:
So money shouldn't be why he scare of marriage, because he have no assets. His permanent address is his mom place, he have no place of his own. He only have clothes, some favorite books of his, his Car, and his Warehouse job.
is he saving for a home?
have you talked to him about where you would live if you took the relationship further?
what do you say to him when he asks about you giving him a son? does he know that you can't guarantee any children, let alone a specific gender (unless you have a lot of money) ?
ehBeth, he is saving up to buy a house, butnow he does not have enough.
In my defense of my Boyfriend, because some posters around Forum said he is living off his mama, and he immature. It is NOT true...
Please don't judge his situation, not everyone born with a golden key in their mouth/have rich parents.
His situation is complicated. His dad was in and out of jail, and died when he was in his late teens.
His mom was busy trying to get her life back together, she also struggle a full time job while raising him.
So he pretty much grow up by himself wandering around the street. He actually very independent at young age, and works different jobs too.
He have an older sister, but she passed away from a drunk driving car accident.
So now all he have left is his mother (This is why I don't want to move out far from here, I want him to be close distant to his mom)
He have a bedroom in his mom place, but he rarely home to sleep.
He works mostly night shift, and if he not sleep at my apartment; he be over at his male friends/buddies place to hang out, watch NFL Football, etc...
He also pay half of the rent to his mom, he doesn't live with his mom for Free.
All the groccery/food is him buy for his mom every time, he also help pay the bills too.
I considered this to be Financial Independent, because he put in his fair share.
I know all this because sometimes I am over at his mom helps she cooks and helps clean (we live in same neighborhood)
It is me also pitch in to helps him buy groccery for his mom too, and I know every month he put in his half share rent.
He can't just move away and left his mom all alone by herself. She is the only blood family member he have left.
He have money in his Saving account. He wants to save it up to buy a house, but currently right now he doesn't have enough.
@independentgirl,
Have you talked about where you both will live if you decide to get married?
Who will pay his mother's rent and bills if he leaves her home?
Did you sit down together and work out the finances should you marry and have children?
Have you talked to him about that "son" talk? what will he do if you have a girl or girls if you become pregnant?
OMG - this is the gal who complains that her BF looks at her during sex and still flirts with her! Oh the shame.
This black cloud you carry around with you will ruin your life if you don't stop choosing to be a gloomy person.
Out of his own willing, he did buy matching band rings, he said the rings to show his ‘committment’. and he wear the ring 24/7
So he already put a ring on his own finger, telling everybody that he’s taken.
Eventhough he didn’t officially said the “would u married me” proposal words
He did say that he poor, and right now he doesn’t have enough money for a house, or a big wedding, or a nice ring for me. (which I repeatedly told him, I don’t mind any of those stuff)
So if I don’t mind all that, he said we go tomorrow morning to register for marriage liscense.
He said it many times before, I just didn’t take it as a “propose”, does it sound like a “propose” to anyone here?
Or he just throw the ball at me, and let me be the one to decide when I am ready to married? Or he probably just running away from responsibility?
Any take on this? Does this even count as a proposal?
@independentgirl,
Forget about the whole ring thing.
Have you talked to him about the future? who will support and care for his mother?
Have you talked about how you will support children?
Have you talked about what will happen if you have a girl, not a boy?
@independentgirl,
How is sex life? Have you got used to it?
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