What do these people want?

Forums: Relationships, What Did He Mean, Turducken Chameleon
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All these posters with the romance problems. Always with the "what do you think?", "what should I do?", "what did he mean", etc.

Do you think they are more looking for someone to agree with them, or for some magic bullet answer that requires little effort?

What do you think? Rolling Eyes

Have people always been so unable to navigate a relationship, or do we just hear more about it because of the internet, or has it become worse because of the internet?

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@chai2,

Sometimes, you just need someone to tell you what you already know. Sometimes, you just need a sympathetic listener, though this isn't necessarily the place for that.

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A bit of empathy. Not that they will get it, as Roger pointed out.

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@roger,

If it's just hearing something you already know (I get that, been there, done that), then why do pages and pages of different people saying the same thing have no effect on them.

If they want to hear something they already know, they need to listen.

I get the feeling sometimes they've already gone through everyone they personally know, heard all this, but just go on and on asking the same thing. How many people do you have to drive crazy with asking, getting the same answer, and rejecting same? I think in that case they are looking for the 10,031st person who is going to say something different, and grasp at that straw.

Sometimes I think they have just GOT to be making this up.

You know, sympathy can just go so far. Then it either turns into enabling, or irritation.

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I think we should just stick words into a blender and hit frappé, then provide the resultant mix to the lovelorn. Case in point:

The question: Do you think she likes me?

Your answer: Saskatoon bayonet turducken chameleon Parcheesi Aztec drywall

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@chai2,

The young are like the Borg, they have no ability to operate on their own.

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@edgarblythe,

edgarblythe wrote:

A bit of empathy.

I think that's given to them. I really do.

That is, until they suck everyone dry of it. Before that I think most people give their opinion/advice.

Many times they are parasitic, like the Old Man of the Sea in the Sinbad stories.

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@chai2,

Quote:

Paranoid nonsense.

"HELP ME, I AM HELPLESS!"

the ultimate triumph of victim culture.

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Jespah and Hawkeye, you both got thumbs up from me.

Jes, sometimes from the young girls, when they ask "does he like me? How can I get him to like me?" They should be told "Wear that really cute green and white top, and do your hair like it was at my house last week."

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@jespah,

jespah wrote:

Your answer: Saskatoon bayonet turducken chameleon Parcheesi Aztec drywall

You copied that from Monday's weight loss post, right?

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

Quote:
Paranoid nonsense.

"HELP ME, I AM HELPLESS!"

the ultimate triumph of victim culture.

Pair with that: The answers/suggestions given must be applied with the lightest of feather brushes. If they sense any inkling of reason, reality or an indication they may need to think this through, they will self destruct. They will become angry and accuse the poster of "not understanding", "thinking you know everything" and being told "well, I'm glad your life is just so perfect."

Getting back to my question before: Was it always this bad? I remember being a teen, and being smitten. I remember being a fool for someone as an adult. I don't know though, if the technology were available then, I would have been sharing with the world/complete strangers.

I'm aware there's a lot of younger people who have their acts together, who know if they're having problems, they work it out themselves, and/or with people they know well, and whose opinion they value.

To be willing to share/ask people who themselves might have a more f*cked up life than they could imagine? I don't know about that.

Empathy/a listening ear...great, to the point where one says "didn't I just say that 3 times to you already, along with 5 other people?"

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@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

Jespah and Hawkeye, you both got thumbs up from me.

Jes, sometimes from the young girls, when they ask "does he like me? How can I get him to like me?" They should be told "Wear that really cute green and white top, and do your hair like it was at my house last week."

Ya well, I wont push my luck by asking you if these very confused young women who claim to have not the slightest idea about what guys want maybe get themselves into sexual situations that the law has decided makes guys guilty of rape.

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@hawkeye10,

Just when things were going well.

That was like 50 degrees to Kevin Bacon.

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@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

Just when things were going well.

That was like 50 degrees to Kevin Bacon.

I must learn to honor the societies taboos! One day maybe.

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I think there are a lot of bored people.

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@bobsal u1553115,

Some are. Some are really perplexed about their situation and asked online.
I do think the internet has added to whatever tendency people might have to ask for advice. Here you can be anonymous and not have to go around asking your friends or semi friends.

I'm not sure I ever asked advice on the kind of matters people now bring up... for better or worse, that's not my inclination. Nor did my friends. I had one or two friends that wore me out with their observations about their lives, but they weren't trying to get me to tell them what to do. They just wanted to talk about stuff.

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

chai2 wrote:

Just when things were going well.

That was like 50 degrees to Kevin Bacon.

I must learn to honor the societies taboos! One day maybe.

No, I mean that had nothing to do with anything, as in that was from left field, pulled out your ass etc.

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I have noticed a real inability in certain people to read other people. I blame it on the overuse of electronic media.

These folks are so used to using facebook or twitter to establish relationships that they never develop real life social skills. They act perplexed when it moves into the real world. (I met someone online. Does he like me? What should I do? We text for hours. Does he love me?)

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

PUNKEY wrote:

I have noticed a real inability in certain people to read other people. I blame it on the overuse of electronic media.

These folks are so used to using facebook or twitter to establish relationships that they never develop real life social skills. They act perplexed when it moves into the real world. (I met someone online. Does he like me? What should I do? We text for hours. Does he love me?)

At the same time, we live in a world where appearances seem to matter so much. This is aso due to I think, the internet, in that EVERYTHING is important.

The other day there was actually a yahoo story about "celebrities who don't look like they belong with their spouses" or words to that effect.

Shamefully, it was showing various personalities (many of whom I didn't even know) and their spouses, pointing out that one was so much better looking than the other, how could they stand to be in the same room, let alone in love?
In actuality, it just showed people who were married, who looked like any married couple you see on the street.

It was disgusting.

It was supposed to be news.

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@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

edgarblythe wrote:

A bit of empathy.

I think that's given to them. I really do.

That is, until they suck everyone dry of it. Before that I think most people give their opinion/advice.

Many times they are parasitic, like the Old Man of the Sea in the Sinbad stories.

Spencer Tracy ?

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What do these people want?

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