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Abusive-Verbal/Mental/Physical - Please help me!!

 
 
Olivier5
 
  2  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 03:38 pm
@Sycorax,
Don't take any of us too seriously. We will tear you appart for the pleasure of fighting over your body parts... But you got a real problem to solve, unlike many here, so do what you got to do.
Sycorax
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 03:49 pm
@Olivier5,
Thank you Olivier.
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 04:17 pm
@Sycorax,
I'm not suggesting you talk to her mother.

I am suggesting you take her there. Unless you think you can pack up in an hour. And you will probably have a not so lovely time of it if you just ditch her somewhere (which would be a dick move even if you are being abused. You don't owe her a nice ending but if you just leave her somewhere, then her anger, at least in that case, would be fairly well justified, yes?).

Think intelligently about this and at least be organized about your escape route.
Germlat
 
  2  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 04:41 pm
@Sycorax,
I didn't read the entire thread but WOW! Why do you think abuse is ok? She sounds batshit crazy. This is not a cultural difference you're engaging in... Get out, learn to support yourself financially and NEVER allow anyone to hit you. That's not love. She has an impulse control problem, and some form of mental illness(pretty sure). I'm still not sure why you put up with the abuse. Maybe that's something you need to examine. If you can't financially take care of yourself, there are many resources out there(short-term). There are tons of things you can do even with back problems....you need to get a skill/degree. You can do this even without money. If you want my advice on how to do this pm me. I'm sorry you don't think enough of yourself to keep going back to this situation. Do you have any family?
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 04:50 pm
Sy-
Do you understand that you are being abused?

Do you understand that this woman's behavior is not normal?

Do you understand that she probably would be in jail, if she were a man, for what she has done to you?

You say you want feedback. Here is it: We are all aghast. We are amazed you are even alive. You act like you want everyone to give you permission to leave her. You got it!!
Germlat
 
  2  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 04:58 pm
@PUNKEY,
PUNKEY wrote:

Sy-
Do you understand that you are being abused?

Do you understand that this woman's behavior is not normal?

Do you understand that she probably would be in jail, if she were a man, for what she has done to you?

You say you want feedback. Here is it: We are all aghast. We are amazed you are even alive. You act like you want everyone to give you permission to leave her. You got it!!

She needs to either be in jail or an inpatient at a psych ward. I'm curious as to how he supports himself financially...maybe he's had a hard time or can't figure out how to do it. Some people put up with abuse when they have dependency issues.
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  2  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 05:03 pm
@Sycorax,
There are females incarcerated for doing less than she has...she's insane!!!
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Nov, 2014 05:52 am
@Sycorax,
Get out now. And good luck, (and get a good lawyer).
0 Replies
 
Sycorax
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Nov, 2014 06:59 am
@jespah,
Take her to her mothers house? We live with her mother and her mothers bf and 3 other people. And we only have 1 car. So my choices on how I leave are quite limited. That is why I said one day I can leave her then drive back to the house and try to explain to her mom why her daughter is not with me then leave with my stuff...Only other way I can think of is leaving one day I am at work. And leave only with the clothes on my back. She has no job so she is home 24/7. So I can not go get my stuff then leave...I would have to leave all my computers behind and my legal documents and everything....Not sure what is the best choice.
Sycorax
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Nov, 2014 07:11 am
@Germlat,
I don't think abuse is ok at all and yes she is batshit crazy..and you are so right I always would say that to myself when she says "I love you so much! I love you!" It means nothing..If she really loved me she would not treat me like that in the first place! I only put up with it at the moment because.

1. I can't get away with punching her in the face.
2. I have to think of a perfect way to escape in my limited situation...(Hopefully with my things)
3. Don't know of any other way to not deal with it that is "acceptable" legally and to her...So I just have to try to kiss ass and hope she accepts it for the sake of my life and my sanity.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Nov, 2014 07:19 am
@Sycorax,
Well, we had no way of knowing these details until you told us.

So do it in stages. Take a briefcase to work with important stuff in it, or a backpack, and leave that stuff locked in your desk. Get a safety deposit box for important stuff and only put your own name on it. Mail things to your own parents or siblings or anyone else who can help you out. Do these things if you really want or need your possessions.

Or do what we often tell women in this situation: drain out as much cash as you can, pack a small bag, make sure you have things like stock certificates, real jewelry, bank cards, and go. And you'll lose your fishing poles or your chair or your winter clothes or whatever, but you'll save your own life.
Sycorax
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Nov, 2014 07:32 am
@jespah,
I am sorry I thought I added that in there some where in the main story. I thought about bringing a backpack to work or something but seeing how paranoid she is she'd ask me why and what am I taking etc. The only thing I can think of is slowly taking the stuff I 100% can not get back. Like data on hard drives, (putting them in my pocket hiding them) things like that. I can get passport and other things back. Just huge inconvenience along with getting back 1 desktop PC and 2 laptops...But you are correct atleast I will save my own life and be away from her...
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Nov, 2014 08:16 am
@Sycorax,
Do you have any family that could assist you? I thought I heard you say she didn't behave this way with others around. Does she work? If she does do it while she's at work. Does she ever go anywhere without you? There's no reason why you should have to give up your stuff. If all else fails call the cops on her. You are not her prisoner. With someone else there...they might even video her lunatic behavior.
Sycorax
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Nov, 2014 08:24 am
@Germlat,
I have family but they are all in California. And no she does not work at all. She is home 24/7. The only place she does not go with me is work. That is it. I don't wanna call the cops because she will do anything in her power to turn them on me. Make up storys say whatever she has to say to have the cops frown on me and maybe do something? Idk I just know how she is she will not back down without one HELLLL of a fight deffently if I involve the cops. I don't know what to do....
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Nov, 2014 08:54 am
@Sycorax,
Sycorax wrote:

I have family but they are all in California. And no she does not work at all. She is home 24/7. The only place she does not go with me is work. That is it. I don't wanna call the cops because she will do anything in her power to turn them on me. Make up storys say whatever she has to say to have the cops frown on me and maybe do something? Idk I just know how she is she will not back down without one HELLLL of a fight deffently if I involve the cops. I don't know what to do....

Might not be the best thing then. The last thing you need is an assault charge.
Does she ever grocery shop by herself? If not, next time pretend to be sick. Do start taking your stuff out little by little if you can. Is there any way for you to withhold money from your check? Why doesn't she work? Tell her there's been some lay-offs at work and that there's talk of cutting back hours. Since you're already working it would make sense for her to get a part-time job to help out a little. Has she ever worked?
Sycorax
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Nov, 2014 09:22 am
@Germlat,
Exactly... She never goes by herself anywhere she does not even have a license, and she does not care to get a job. She has worked before part time. Once. But it was many years ago. If I tell her there will be cut backs and or lay-offs. I will never hear the end of it and it would most deffently start a fight.
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Nov, 2014 09:38 am
@Sycorax,
I googled how to leave a violent wife and there were some good tips. If you get direct deposit, you can have them send it to a different account . You could maybe take a couple of hours off work to do this. Go to the police before going home and tell them your circumstances. Alert them to the fact that she will become violent, break your stuff and even make false accusations against you if you call the police. When you get home hand her a written letter (no anger) just the facts explaining why your leaving. When she becomes violent call the cops. They'll will be already aware of your circumstances. When the cops arrive show them your letter(make a copy). Make sure you have a video of your belongings. Half that stuff in the house is yours. If she destroys it, a judge could hold her responsible. You never know a cop may even offer to escort you into your home. Also get money out of your joint account before going home. Your next work check should NOT be going to your joint account. Have a place to stay in mind...even a shelter if necessary. Make sure you have all sets of car keys. Good luck.
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Nov, 2014 09:44 am
@Sycorax,
Another thing is after getting your stuff out, place a restraining order on her. If you haven't been married too long you may be able to get an annulment. If not file for divorce .
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Nov, 2014 05:19 pm
@Sycorax,
Sycorax wrote:

If I tell her there will be cut backs and or lay-offs. I will never hear the end of it and it would most deffently start a fight.

How entitled can a person get? What is it that entitles her to not work? Her vagina? I hate to tell you but that is idiotic in our current society. Maybe she's too weak, crazy or lazy to work. I can't imagine your rolling in dough with your current warehouse job...any intelligent human being could realize that. She should devise her own goals and be responsible for her own financial security. Instead of being pissed at you for not providing for her. She's a moocher, immature, hateful and abusive....I'm so glad you can understand just how screwed up this person is.
imimpatientforanswer
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 6 Nov, 2014 11:00 pm
@Sycorax,
Get your priorities fixed/straight/etc

Ill Give You Mine ;

((My Soul Belongs to The Lord/is The Lord's
Seek The Lord Hes Informed me, i Asked))

Staying Close to The Lord
Finding the Peace/love/fairness/kindheartedness/etc Within My Soul/heart
Job
Vehicle
Home
Debts
Surgeries
College
Career
Family - depending
0 Replies
 
 

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