@firefly,
Firefly, I agree with 95% of what you wrote.
What I am saying is that any honest attempt to promote gender equality must include both the ways women are disadvantaged and the way men are disadvantaged by gender stereotypes.
The issue of custody is clearly very important to me as a divorced father. The system is weighted against fathers (although this is changing). I agree with you that the best interests of the children are the most important consideration, but that is not what is happening.
You can word this any way you want, but any system that judges a person's capability to be a parent by their gender (and it is clear that this has happened) is unequal. Obviously you decide what is best for the children on a case by case basis, but research shows that joint custody has the best outcomes in the majority of cases. The fact that the system still favor's the mother (although this is getting better) is a problem.
You can support both men's rights and women's rights.