Campus rapes: time to tell kids the truth
by Mark Di Ionno
The Star-Ledger
December 02, 2014
If the police reports are true, depravity is the best word to describe the recent alleged crimes at two New Jersey state campuses, William Paterson University in Wayne and Ramapo College in Mahwah. The details make your skin crawl.
At Ramapo, a girl too drunk to resist is raped at a frat party by two men and videoed by three onlookers, including another woman.
At William Paterson, a girl trapped in a dorm room and forced to have sex with five men. “Oh, word, can I jump on that?” is what one man said who came on the scene while the rape was in progress.
Can I jump on that?
It’s ugly, it’s abhorrent, but it’s nothing new. Generations of women have kept quiet for fear of shame and carried the burden of their attackers’ gleeful dirty little secrets forever.
What is new is the scrutiny. Finally. Treating a victim as “that” has deservedly plagued the military in recent years, while the federal government recently served notice on 60 colleges and universities for failing to accurately report sex assaults in their mandated Clery Act reports, which track crime on campus.
Harvard was one of them, and there is an ongoing investigation of a sex act photographed surreptitiously and shared by members of a Princeton eating club. ...So the tuition price and SAT scores of incoming freshman doesn’t always equate with safety.
So what do you tell a daughter or son before you send them off to school?
You tell them the truth, as you see it, hard as it is, even if it sounds old-fashioned and goes against the grain of current thought.
For girls …
First, stay sober. Girls who pass out drunk get raped. That’s not “blaming the victim.” That’s a fact. When you’re too drunk to impose your will – either by saying ‘no,’ or by force – you relinquish control, and now have to trust people to keep you safe. And, as we see time and time again, it’s not something you can rely on.
Second, trust should be earned, not assumed. Know who to trust. Don’t assume the boys you just met can be trusted, even if they’re friends of friends. Be sure you have girlfriends who won’t walk away and leave you stranded.
Third, lock up. Dorm rooms, off-campus housing. If your roommate is the kind of person who doesn’t lock the door because she “always forgets” her key, find a new roommate.
Fourth, your instincts never lie. If your gut tells you it’s a bad idea, it is. If you feel unsafe, you are.
Stay sober. Girls who pass out drunk get raped. That’s not 'blaming the victim.' That’s a fact."
Fifth, never, ever, ever, spend time with a boy who uses the word “bitch” to describe girls.
And for boys …
First, stay sober. Drunks fight. They vandalize. They assault girls. It’s easier to protect yourself if you’re sober.
Second, act like a man. Men are supposed to protect women, not exploit them.
Third, don’t be a coward. Don’t be a follower. Have the guts and decency to stand up against things you know are wrong, even when you’re outnumbered.
Fourth, nothing good comes from a pack mentality. (See above.)
Fifth, your instincts never lie. If you think the boys are headed for trouble, they are.
And for both …
First, nothing much good happens after 2 a.m. If you want to stay safe, go home.
Second, take those plugs out of your ears and your eyes off the cell phone. It is astounding to see how many kids walk around Rutgers campuses in Newark and New Brunswick, even at night, oblivious to their surroundings. Astounding.
Third, your mistakes are public. They can make the news, they fly through the Twittersphere and Facebook. They stain your family, your community and your school, and you’re just a Google away from those mistakes never being forgotten.
Remember how we raised you, damn it.
http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2014/12/campus_rapes_time_to_tell_kids_the_truth_di_ionno.html