Is there something very wrong with an 18 year old girl and 44 year old man dating?

Forums: Relationships, Dating, 18, Age Difference, 44
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I have been having an online relationship with a 44 year old man for around five months. We started talking on an instant messaging service and have been dating ever since. At first I was not aware of how old he was in the beginning. When he revealed his age I proceeded with caution but still continued getting to know him. The problem is that I find that here is something deeply wrong with this type of relationship. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy talking to him and he is very deep. We are able to have an intelligent conversation. But I cannot help but feel like this relationship is him being a dirty old perve.
Also the fact that I even made an exception with dating this man that is old enough to be my farther, does that say that there is something wrong with me?
What do you think about him making an exception to date somebody like me?
I don't believe that I am the first young girl that he has gone after, although he sais that I am.
Am I totally wrong for thinking that ALL older men just want to manipulate and use younger girls for sex?
He sais he loves me but I find that impossible.
I really don't see how he could.
I am too logical for this. Even though we have wonderful conversations and he is sensitive, funny, bright...etc. I just feel like this is wrong. The logical part of me is saying that it is. I am not fooled.
Is it wrong for me to automatically assume that he is like this?
Is it a gut instinct or do you think I just have a biased view of what older men want from young girls like me?

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Type: Question • Score: 14 • Views: 5,600 • Replies: 69

@chelsieshay,

chelsieshay wrote:

I have been having an online relationship with a 44 year old man for around five months. We started talking on an instant messaging service and have been dating ever since. At first I was not aware of how old he was in the beginning. When he revealed his age I proceeded with caution but still continued getting to know him. The problem is that I find that here is something deeply wrong with this type of relationship. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy talking to him and he is very deep. We are able to have an intelligent conversation. But I cannot help but feel like this relationship is him being a dirty old perve.
Also the fact that I even made an exception with dating this man that is old enough to be my farther, does that say that there is something wrong with me?
What do you think about him making an exception to date somebody like me?
I don't believe that I am the first young girl that he has gone after, although he sais that I am.
Am I totally wrong for thinking that ALL older men just want to manipulate and use younger girls for sex?
He sais he loves me but I find that impossible.
I really don't see how he could.
I am too logical for this. Even though we have wonderful conversations and he is sensitive, funny, bright...etc. I just feel like this is wrong. The logical part of me is saying that it is. I am not fooled.
Is it wrong for me to automatically assume that he is like this?
Is it a gut instinct or do you think I just have a biased view of what older men want from young girls like me?

As long as u r above the age of legal consent,
there is nothing immoral about it. The 2 parties define their own relationship,
but if u deem him to be a dirty old perve, then there does not seem
to be much of a foundation for friendship.

Y do u find it "impossible" for him to love u ????

I 'm a lot older than he is.
I have had a lot of girls your age approach me over the years,
but I 'm CONFIDENT that their motivation is financial security.
( I have never been a good looking guy. )

David

0 Replies

@chelsieshay,

You're over the age of consent. So what's worrying you? I don't get it.

0 Replies

@chelsieshay,

What exactly do you mean when you say "I have been having an online relationship" and "and have been dating ever since "?

Have you met in person, offline, or has it all been instant messaging, chat rooms and Skype?

If it has been strictly online, does your " dating" include sexting?

What do you get from the friendship/relationship? It sounds to me like you are feeling used and that you want an offline relationship. It probably won't happen with this man. If you do want an offline relationship, put your energy into meeting someone local. If you feel fulfilled with the online dating, continue on but set realistic limits and expectations for yourself and for him.

1 Reply

@Butrflynet,

Legally, nothing wrong. Issues only pop up depending on how this relationship develops.

0 Replies

I doubt that a 44 yo wants a 18 yo for the intelligent conversation, it probably is about the sex(potential here) and vanity. However, I dont think that is worth less than what ever the reason is that you want him. I dont care why two people want each other, only that they do.

2 Replies

@hawkeye10,

That suggests bias and prejudice.
Age, beyond consent, implies 'Nothing' and 'Nothing' - Doesn't exist.

0 Replies

@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

I doubt that a 44 yo wants a 18 yo for the intelligent conversation,
it probably is about the sex(potential here) and vanity. However,
I dont think that is worth less than what ever the reason is that you want him.

She is REJECTING him.

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

OmSigDAVID wrote:

hawkeye10 wrote:
I doubt that a 44 yo wants a 18 yo for the intelligent conversation,
it probably is about the sex(potential here) and vanity. However,
I dont think that is worth less than what ever the reason is that you want him.
She is REJECTING him.

Sort of. She appears to be requesting instructions to reject him, which I am unwilling to provide. You might recall that I advocate for full sexual freedom for 16 yo's, so I certainly have no problem with an 18yo being sexual with a 44 yo. If she wants him fine, if not fine, but I am going to stay out of except for my refusal to play my part in providing the expected outrage.

1 Reply

@chelsieshay,

Well, looking way down the road, when you're 50, you might be considering how to cover the costs of this 76 year old's stay in some sort of nursing home or dementia facility.

If you start physically dating, like in public, you're going to have to accept that, at best, people are going to think and talk like he is your father. Are you prepared to accept those possibilities? Is he?

1 Reply

No where in her post did she ask about the legality of it.

1 Reply

@roger,

roger wrote:

Well, looking way down the road, when you're 50, you might be considering how to cover the costs of this 76 year old's stay in some sort of nursing home or dementia facility.

Look on the bright side - he might croak when she is still in her forties and leave her a nice wad of cash.

2 Replies

@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

OmSigDAVID wrote:

hawkeye10 wrote:
I doubt that a 44 yo wants a 18 yo for the intelligent conversation,
it probably is about the sex(potential here) and vanity. However,
I dont think that is worth less than what ever the reason is that you want him.
She is REJECTING him.

Sort of. She appears to be requesting instructions to reject him, which I am unwilling to provide. You might recall that I advocate for full sexual freedom for 16 yo's, so I certainly have no problem with an 18yo being sexual with a 44 yo. If she wants him fine, if not fine

She called him "a dirty old perve."

0 Replies

@contrex,

contrex wrote:

roger wrote:
Well, looking way down the road, when you're 50, you might be considering how to cover the costs of this 76 year old's stay in some sort of nursing home or dementia facility.

Look on the bright side - he might croak when she is still in her forties and leave her a nice wad of cash.

I 'm paranoid enuf to suspect
that those (impatient??) girls
might be willing to give Nature a helping hand,
if u have been so improvident to have married one of them.

As a matter of fact, a few years ago, I remember a dissatisfied 13 year old girl
complaining that her retired ailing father was not dying fast enuf.

David

1 Reply

@chelsieshay,

The thing is you'll probably change a great deal in the next fifteen years. You're just now entering adulthood. As we experience things, we change. We accept, discard things and that shapes our identity. When a person is middle-aged, their identity is pretty established. I don't think he is perverted for liking a very young woman...I simply don't understand what he could possibly share in common with you (aside from physical attraction). I mean to say you are at very different places in life. I think you're smart to understand, it wouldn't be difficult for a person with experience to manipulate one without it.

0 Replies

Why do you guys believe that the first rung in a genuine relationship need by conquered by assessing the other's 'commodity-value' correctly?
Do you, if ever 'been there', first and foremostly judge by aesthetic-benefit/detriment?

Ouch!

0 Replies

@OmSigDAVID,

OmSigDAVID wrote:

contrex wrote:

roger wrote:
Well, looking way down the road, when you're 50, you might be considering how to cover the costs of this 76 year old's stay in some sort of nursing home or dementia facility.

Look on the bright side - he might croak when she is still in her forties and leave her a nice wad of cash.

I 'm paranoid enuf to suspect
that those (impatient?) girls
might be willing to give Nature a helping hand, if u have married one of them.

My dad married a 19 year old when he was 49! She was a single mom. He had a good bit to offer her financially or else it wouldn't have happened. I have yet to
see a single example of a young woman going for a much older BROKE dude. To make a long story short, my dad is now in his seventies and they are still married. She also liked the prestige of his name. She was a high-school dropout and he encouraged her to get an education. She's now a lawyer...she controls the finances.

1 Reply

@Germlat,

Germlat wrote:

OmSigDAVID wrote:

contrex wrote:

roger wrote:
Well, looking way down the road, when you're 50, you might be considering how to cover the costs of this 76 year old's stay in some sort of nursing home or dementia facility.

Look on the bright side - he might croak when she is still in her forties and leave her a nice wad of cash.

I 'm paranoid enuf to suspect
that those (impatient?) girls
might be willing to give Nature a helping hand, if u have married one of them.

My dad married a 19 year old when he was 49! She was a single mom. He had a good bit to offer her financially or else it wouldn't have happened. I have yet to
see a single example of a young woman going for a much older BROKE dude. To make a long story short, my dad is now in his seventies and they are still married. She also liked the prestige of his name. She was a high-school dropout and he encouraged her to get an education. She's now a lawyer...she controls the finances.

Does she try cases?
A few days ago, a very pretty single mom (maybe in her 2Os)
with 2 delightful young boys approached me and inquired concerning
my views on marriage (which r negative). No individual stands to profit
from my demise.

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

She has a very successful career. My father's name opened many doors for her. In the end both her and my dad got what they wanted. I do worry about my dad. He is old now and she controls everything. The other day I offered to send airline tickets for them to come visit. He told me I would have to ask her...yikes.

1 Reply

@Germlat,

Was the 19 year old your natural mother
or your step mother ?

1 Reply

Is there something very wrong with an 18 year old girl and 44 year old man dating?

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