It's really great, what you have done, Phoenix!
All the very best for you - and your mother!
Phoenix, first of all you are an angel daughter but I'm wondering how long you can continue with your current rate of burnout. Somehow while you were getting lit, I hope that you could have a good laugh and see some humor. I know this is VERY difficult to do when it involves the safety of a loved one but it also washes away some of the stress.
I would also opt for assisted living so you can GET A BREAK!!! I know that you want to do everything for her but you're not Super Woman although it sures sounds like it.
I don't have much advice either except I feel so for you. I'd give anything to have my dear sweet Mom back (she died at 80 with brain/lung cancer). I also know that if you didn't have a good early on relationship with Mom that these elder years can even be tougher. Just hold your chin high and tell yourself that you were a BETTER person with her than she was with you. You've above it all!
God bless and do take care of yourself!
Jan (age 65 and so far healthy in TN)
Phoenix
I just know what you mean about clearing up and throwing out.
Each time I visit my aunt, I'm appalled at how much extra stuff she's acquired. I'm her closest relative, and the clean up job will fall to me. All I can think of is how long it'll tke to get rid of all this stuff!
margo- Be prepared to buy a heavy duty shredder. Before people were as aware of identity theft, there were ss#s and bank account numbers on EVERYTHING. I even found some official postcards that had my mother's social security numbers on it. I never thought that I would get finished, and the mustiness of the papers gave me a sinus attack!
I am being driven crazy by my mother
This might not work for everyone, partly because the more people are involved the better, but when I had to move my mother to a nursing home I made a list of all the things I thought my eleven nieces and nephews might want, and sent a copy to everyone. Each was allowed to choose 2 major items of furniture, and my mother paid for moving expenses. Then all the grandchildren gathered at her old apartment and we simply went round and round, picking out the smaller items each wanted - books, ornaments, etc.
I labelled each item with the grandchild's name, and mirabile dictu, there wasn't a cross word or argument over who got what the whole afternoon. I kept a list so that my mother could see who got what, which of course intrigued her.
I saved out some items for myself - mainly her collection of small antique silver objects, but each grandchild got to choose one of these. (Unfortunately, during the night, before I had a chance to pack them up and remove them, someone came in and stole all the silver objects. We suspected the super, but there was nothing anyone could do, and she had never insured them.)
That aside, the choosing worked very well. I imagine the grandchildren consulted each other beforehand, so that there were no duplicate claims. Obviously, the more things are selected by friends and relatives before you start really clearing out a home, the less work there will be for you. So everyone benefits.
I agree, Tomkitten, that's a splendid idea .... which won't work with all. :wink:
