Married vs. Single: Who is happier?

Those who have healthy partnerships or marriage enjoy the process of building a life with a significant other. It is not a jail sentence. I think we just hear from more people passionate about the idea of marriage. I mean, you get an invitation. You have a ceremony, party, family, friends, anniversaries etc. Although I've attended anniversaries of single lifelong friends its just not as prevalent. But I think the stereotype of marriage or partnership with another preventing growth, individual accomplishments or outside interests is just that. A stereotype. A Label. The truth is not all single people fit the "single" person stereotype ~ and not all married or partnered people fit the "married" person stereotype. Having the responsibility of children do more to challenge outside interests than spouses. Interestingly, I often hear both parents making adjustments to help one another through it instead of suffering in silence. Again, a healthy marriage or partnership although not everyones ideal, is about two people - not one who is the "jailer" and the other who is the "prisoner." Women in the US have more choices about their destiny today. We've come a long way from there. Thank God.

I remember the happiness ranking as Soz posted it.

I think people are either happy or unhappy, I'm not sure I like these catagories.

I think the wrong two people together, can definitely turn a happy person into a unhappy person. That's why the reason a marriage can fail or succeed depends highly on the two individuals in one. But marriage is made of compromises, some small, some great. It's the label or stereotype that is highly restrictive to the point where a man or womens identity, hopes, dreams, interests are completely dead and gone that is archaic. It evolves. Single people evolve as well. If you live your life at all, its bound to happen. Change is a constant, IMHO.

as I was told by the minister when I was preparing for my wedding...

Both parties have to give 100% to create a happy and healthy marriage.

Don't give UP yourself.... just give OF yourself.

Both parties have to have interests in common and private interests. You have to be yourself. When you are your best self, those around you will want to be around you.

Happiness takes work.... work will be rewarded with happiness.

Corny, I know.... but if you think about it a little, it starts to make sense

DLow, the US is a big place... not unlike your place.

People tend to hang out with like.

In my SAG group (SmartAssGroup, named by an observer of one of our forays south of the border to visit one of the saggie's families, many years ago.) Three women are long time married, let me say hanging in, one is newly married again and happy, three are single now and rather self defined in it while glad to have relationships. But I am from a big coastal city. Can't speak for women in US in general.

Yeah, I'd say it varies a lot.

We were just talking about overscheduling in the ADD thread, that goes for grown-ups, too -- working obscene hours and then driving the kids to the soccer game and then catching the season finale of "American Idol"... you know...

My husband and I have always had three groups of friends; his friends, my friends, and our friends. Everyone is on good terms, mind you, I like his friends and he likes my friends, but we are definitely not a sticky couple, socially speaking. Part of that is just logistics -- he is very good but not fluent in ASL, and I need to have ASL bull sessions with friends now and then, and for my hearing friends, it's much easier for me to concentrate/ understand if we're one-on-one.

Anyway, my own experience and most of my friends' is that we do have our own lives apart from our spouses, as well as some shared experiences.

In the case of a real affair, I agree.

But there is something about a certain group of women that I really despise. These are the ones that keep a guy on a string for long periods, sometimes years. They constantly play the 'damsel in distress', telling the smitten guy all their problems, yet never really revealing any of their flaws because they are never in a real relationship. The guy is kept in constant courtship mode because the relationship is never physically consumated. The woman is always, in his eyes, perfect, better than human, perhaps.

I noticed a couple of comments regarding whether couples go out together or do things separately. Funny thing is my husband and I was discussing a similar thought with an older couple - married 30 years. He some things in common, but more things not in common. She has her friends and he has his and they each do their own things. They also do things together. The more couples that I have seen that seem happy, including my own, seem to do things separately as well as together. I would never expect my husband to not go out with friends away from me and the kids. I actually enjoy these evenings apart from him. I also go out with friends without my spouse or kids. It is great. You have to be your own person as well as a spouse, or a parent.

My hubby and I do things both together and seperately. He tends to be 'clingy', serious and subdued, while I'm much more social than he is. I have found that the longer I'm married, the more I want to do things on my own or with friends apart from him. I don't see that as a bad thing, just that I'm changing as I get older.

I think it's very healthy to have some separate interests. Works for us!

My parents have separate interests too. She likes to go out, and he likes to stay home.