Married vs. Single: Who is happier?

Whenever I was single for a long time, I wanted a girlfriend. Even though the stretches I had where I was getting a ton of ass were alot better than when I was in a slump, there were things I missed about being in a relationship.
Whenever I had a girlfriend, I missed being single, picking up girls and dating new chicks(picking up a chick...nothing's more fun).

Grass is always greener on the other side, I guess.

Wait...what about constant cheating? Best of both worlds....even I have somewhat of a conscience.

I think that makes sense. But, then again, you always make sense.

I think happiness also has to do with how well you deal with life's ups and downs. How you cope with adversity is probably the main thing. I guess having close friends would definitely help with that.

There ya go. It is the best of both worlds...if you don't have a conscience.

Being married is always the best when you sprain your ankle, have a cold or the flu or a headache. Nothing beats being waited on hand and food, served hot chicken noodle soup or having someone rub your head when it hurts really, really bad. Even the best of friends won't do that for ya.

I got married just shy of forty and I've got to say that being married to THE RIGHT PERSON makes me very happy. I lived the single life to the fullest and had a great time, for a long time, but I know in my heart that if I was still single today, deep down, I would be unhappy. Conditions create conduct so of course, I'd appear to be happy and content on the surface and maybe even fool myself sometimes but in the end, I know I'd miss being with someone.
Being with a good person makes ALL the difference, tho.

Aww... :-)

Yep, coping with adversity in general is a big ol' chunk of it.

doglover, I do have friends who I would do that for and think would do that for me (well, if we lived closer to each other anyway -- we would've when we did), and definitely know people with very close friends who would do all of that. It has seemed to me that the people who have that kind of close friendship and don't need to get married to find that kind of intimacy are the ones who are happiest in their marriages... that the marriages are about a really exceptional bond rather than attempting to meet the more basic needs.

I am single and I am very, very happy. :wink:

Life is long, mostly. We all get accustomed to ourselves and others slowly, and like company doing it. I think people who don't ever learn about living alone at some point early on may have some surprises coming later, unless they have figured out themselves in the meantime.

I love love, and I loved being part of a loving couple. Still, the formulation of self goes on and on; I think it is important to pay attention to.

Thaz probly part of why single women are (apparently) happier than single men: they're more likely to have that kind of friendships going on. My experience, if I look around me, anyways. In cafes, too, you see lot of women friends happily together and men either alone or at most bonding in larger groups or in, say, non-emotional ways (talking soccer or sumpin ... those who play chess are especially weird. Huh.)

Funny tho, considering the stereotype is so the opposite: carefree young men taking adventage and women desperate to find Mr. Right!

Through my parents' post-divorce single search adventures I got a bit of a poignant perspective on how that gets when people get over 35 or 40 - so many single women, going on, I dunno, group holidays, courses, any kind of fun stuff all the while hoping to meet that OK guy, and lamenting about where the hell all their single male counterparts went - well, lotta time those are just at home, alone, watching TV or the computer screen, or they're out fishing by themselves or something. Just gave up on it all.

I am married kickycan, and I do not agree that being married means you will be happier. I was happy when I was single and I am happy now that I am married. I think it is more the individual rather than your marital status that makes you happy. Also, if you are an unhappy single person, by getting married you end up making some one else miserable like yourself.

I agree with you on number one. So what you live to 110 if you are miserable. You ever see some elderly couples where the wife is nagging and nagging and the husband is just saying "Yes, dear." Does that seem to reflect happiness? On the other hand there are many happy couples who are completely devoted to each other years of being married.

As far as there ain't no happiness anywhere, I disagree. But again, it has nothing to do with being married or not being married. The only advantage I see that married couples have is when something difficult happens or if you have added stress, you have some one at home you can talk it out with. Some one available that will be on your side that can give you support. It does help a lot. Single people may have this outlet, but married people have the one person devoted to them. That is if it is a good marriage.

Overall in my humble opinion, not any real research, I would guess that in a very strong, good marriage, one would be happier than being single. Perhaps not significantly, but I think happier over all. But in a bad marriage, you would be much more miserable than being single.

There are good things about being married and bad things. There are good things about being single and bad things. In general, being married or single does not make one happier, it is just different.

nimh, yeah, I think that's part of it, the thing about women being more likely to have close platonic relationships.

Even if all they're doing is kvetching to each other about not having a man, that's still emotional intimacy with each other.

And yeah, that definitely is what happened with my parents, too -- my mom was out doing stuff post-divorce while my dad was a hermit. I had to write a personal ad on his behalf to put him out of his misery (got a dozen or so responses, married one of 'em.)

Married or single? Hmmmmmmmmmmm ... I was much happier single AFTER I'd been married. It felt much better, after.

Well my dad was one to get out, anyway - group holidays (and therapies, for that matter), courses and volunteer work, the lot ... so lessay he got his share of attention. <grins>.

Nuthin worked out tho, in the end. Single divorced people in their 40s etc tend to be a hypercritical lot, it seems. Whether its cause they've gotten used to being by themselves or because of the posttraumatic thing - not gonna take any risks anymore, sgotta be just right!

Or perhaps thats just the Dutch ... ;-)

I love being married. I'm basically a happy person, and it makes me even happier to have a very special person to share my life with. [BUT I did have some fascinating "life experiences" before I tied the knot. It's imperative to wait until you're really ready for that big step.]

Am I not a disgustingly sugary mess?

:-) It's nice to see happily married disgusting sugary messes, tho!

There ya go. That's why marriage sucks.
And being lonely sucks, too.

Best scenario: have a place of your own and a significant other with a place of their own.

Right now my husband is off sulkingin the computer room. Perhaps he is working, or perhaps he is playing his stupid role-playing game or chatting with his online girlfriend.

How was this precipitated?

I was in the kitchen preparing yogurt to make tadziki. I can't walk and chew gum at the same time, and he knows this (I made sure he was well aware of this before we were married). He comes up to me while I'm doing my thing and says "You know the train overpass on such and such road?" Of course I spill yogurt and make a mess. I sigh and say "No" (I'm bad with remembering places, too). So he turns on his heel and walks off in a huff .Now he doesn't want to watch the season finale of Enterprise which he'd taped.

Is this stupidor what?

Aw. :-(

"Online girlfriend"?

So far I have spent most of my adult life married. During the last ten years I have not been married and have lived alone.

I am liking not being married and living alone.

Happiness is honey and chocolate.

I may be imagining the 'online girlfriend'. But he does have a real-life female friend/co-worker for whom he carries a torch - which burns me up.

Somebody give me some chocolate...

Buy the most expensive one you can find; it'll give you the "I'm worth it" feeling you deserve.