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Tue 25 May, 2004 04:42 pm
On his new HBO special, Chris Rock did a bit called "Married and bored, or Single and Lonely." His point was that there "ain't no happiness anywhere!"
I was curious about this, and I found some statistics about it.
Here are some statistics that generally purport that married people are happier, and underneath each one, in red is my comment on it.
1. Married people live longer. A married woman aged 48 has a 92 percent chance of living to 65; a divorced woman's odds are 82 percent. For males, a married man who is 48 has an 88 percent chance of living to 65, but those odds drop to 65 percent if he divorces. For men who are single, the likelihood that they will drink, drive and smoke following a breakup can endanger their future health.
So what? Living longer doesn't make you happy, does it? I have a grandmother that's 82 years old and she's miserable.
2. Married people are twice as likely as those who are single to say they are "very happy."
Again, so what? Just because you say you're happy doesn't mean you are. And I'm sure that married people say a lot of stuff that is complete bullshit, but that will avoid a confrontation with their spouse.
3. On average, married couples make more money. A married man will earn 30 percent more than a single man with the same education.
Because they have to make more. They probably spend a lot more than the extra that they make. So being in hock up to your eyeballs makes you more happy?
4. Couples who are married report better sex lives. Statistics reveal that married women are almost twice as likely as divorced or never-married women to have a sex life. In addition, some 43 percent of married men have sex at least twice a week versus 26 percent of single men.
Okay, maybe they have us here. But so what. I still think it's a wash. I think Chris Rock is right. There ain't no happiness anywhere.
What do you think?
Well, there are the obvious caveats about whether the marriage is a good one as separate from marriage, itself. For example, I seem to remember some stats (older ones I think) that showed that married women had SHORTER and more stressful lives than unmarried women; while married men had longer and less stressful lives than unmarried men. But that includes a lot of factors like housework, who had the right to work outside the home, etc., etc.
And that's just memory, haven't looked it up yet.
I personally think that happiness as a general concept has a lot to do with a) intimacy, b) sex, c) companionship, and it's certainly nice if all of those things can be rolled into one. BUT -- I think that those things can also be compartmentalized fairly easily. I think a single person who has at least one close friend and a group of companions and who has sex on a semi-regular basis can be just as happy as a happily married person.
Well, there is the bit of happiness research that found it went:
Happiest: Married men
2nd happiest: Single women.
3rd happiest: Married women
unhappiest: Single men.
Quote: For example, I seem to remember some stats (older ones I think) that showed that married women had SHORTER and more stressful lives than unmarried women; while married men had longer and less stressful lives than unmarried men.
I remember reading that same thing, Soz.
dlowan wrote:Well, there is the bit of happiness research that found it went:
Happiest: Married men
2nd happiest: Single women.
3rd happiest: Married women
unhappiest: Single men.
That's
got to be bullshit. I would think it would be exactly the opposite order.
Actually, Kicky, marriage aside, happiness research is quite upbeat.
As long as basic needs are met, we seem to be a reasonably happy lot.
No, that's pretty much what I remember. (And Gus too!)
OK I better look it up... just a sec...
Quote:That's got to be bullshit. I would think it would be exactly the opposite order.
I think it all depends on the age of the person, kicky. Obviously an eighteen year old man is going to be happiest running around, chasing heifers all day, but once he gets to be an old bull he'll probably just want to sit contentedly in his rocking chair with Bessie at his side.
As nutty as my marriage has been at times, the good times are too good to hand them over for the absence of the bad times.
Of course, marriage leads to completely indecipherable sentences, obviously.
wow ! i am one of four people who has voted so far. now i'm REALLY happy ! hbg
If life span is an indicator of happiness, than married people are happier.
~ I vote married or partnered. Why? Because my guy has a wickedly funny sense of humor. I laugh heartily, everyday. But, sheesh, I'm still relatively youngish, I may have a short life - but so far its been a happy one.
I wonder how much longer these married people are living? And why? I bet if I didn't do the single life stuff, like drinking, smoking, eating bad food, and generally having a lot of semi-self-abusive fun (I know, not all single people do that stuff, but I bet there are a lot more single people than married people who do), I'd probably live longer too, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm happier.
I have a grandmother who is 82, and she's f*cking miserable most of the time. And most of the reason is that her husband of fifty-some-odd years died 10 years ago. That's ten years of complete misery and grief.
I bet if you took an 82 year old single person and put him or her up against a 10-year grieving widow, the single person would probably be happier, because he or she isn't missing the love of his/her life every minute of the day.
cicerone imposter wrote:If life span is an indicator of happiness, than married people are happier.
are you sure it doesn't just seem like they're living longer?
kickycan wrote:I have a grandmother who is 82, and she's f*cking miserable most of the time. And most of the reason is that her husband of fifty-some-odd years died 10 years ago. That's ten years of complete misery and grief.
I bet if you took an 82 year old single person and put him or her up against a 10-year grieving widow, the single person would probably be happier, because he or she isn't missing the love of his/her life every minute of the day.
~ Kicky, you're talking about grief over loss. Grief is devastating to both the single and married.
It's one of those equal opportunity emotions, unfortunately.
So I got distracted midsearch ("Mama, we have to play the chipmunk chipmunk game...") but hadn't found anything definitive yet. Kind of hard to get a good Google hook, lots of pseudo science showing up. Maybe NYT archives, hmmm...
samantha&angie wrote:
~ Kicky, you're talking about grief over loss. Grief is devastating to both the single and married.
It's one of those equal opportunity emotions, unfortunately.
But I'm saying that the grief is worse when you lose someone after being married for years. The single person has no partner for life, a person that lived most of their life with them. I think that this makes the single person better able to cope with their lot in life. They don't have basically half their life taken away, like a married person does.
I just think by some degree this would be a less happy way to spend your later years.
Nahh, that's too general. I had a great-aunt who was absolutely devoted to her husband, and was also part of a great group of lady friends who had known each other forever. When my great-uncle died, she was very, very sad, to be sure, but the "gals" were a great comfort and she stayed her wonderful vibrant self until she died at a very old age (90-something?)
I think the most important variable is close friends/ social network, not marriage or not per se.
I think it's really a case of the grass being greener on the other side. When I was a teen/early 20's I loved being single. Then around the age of 23 I started to really want to be married. I was in love moreso with the idea of marriage then actually being married. Then when I reached my late 20's I wanted to be married for all the right reasons...not because I was lonely, or because of some TV movie version of what I thought marriage would be like (one big sleepover). I was 29 when I got married. And, while I like being married, there are times when I wish I was single again. I could make every decision on my own without having to consider another person's point of view, I could date....have as many boyfriends as I wanted....or be alone when I felt like it.
I think there are good things about being married and about being single. Loneliness is the common denominator in both. Actually, it's far worse to be lonely when you are married then when you are single.
kickycan wrote: The single person has no partner for life, a person that lived most of their life with them. I think that this makes the single person better able to cope with their lot in life. They don't have basically half their life taken away, like a married person does.
I just think by some degree this would be a less happy way to spend your later years.
~ You've got a valid point. But grief can be highly individualized. Especially with married people. I know a widowed lady around 67, relatively young, who seems to have had a full family life, wonderful husband who died of cancer, nice kids and grand kids. She doesn't seem bitter. In fact, she is very full of life, almost hard to keep up with. She doesn't have a love interest now, she doesn't even seem like she's looking. I just don't know.
~ Remember that old phrase, "Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." Maybe, with some widows this is true.
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