What to call this church, though, Cav? The name is so important. How about 'Jesus Geoff's Love Police?
I agree... heheh.. all the names, due to my inane checking of them, are real... even Fort Dix! I'm not sure about the male/female statistics; but who would sit for weeks compiling that, just for a cheap laugh? (I know that people would; I'm just wondering: why?)
I'm keen on Jesus Geoff's Love Police, or maybe Church of Jesus Christ Learn to Friggin' Drive you SUV-Owning SOB.
Just the mention of Fort Dix makes me want to break into song:
I Wanna Polka Polka
(Grenga, Stevens, Johnson)
The Ivan Offelcockich Orchestra
See that girl with the pretty red dress on,
I wanna polka.
I love the way she spins and twirls,
I wanna polka.
Oh how I wish that she'd look my way now,
Then I could polka.
I'd love to feel those pretty little curls,
How I wanna polka.
We took a little trip down to Love Canal (NY),
So I could polka.
but we stopped in French Lick, Indiana
No time to polka!
Intercourse Pennsylvania was my destination
wanted to polka.
But she left me down in Blue Ball PA,
Never got to polka.
bridge
well I went up to Maine to Bangor
then I went down to Florida to Tampa
but when all is said and done
I'd rather polka.
We spent sometime in Flushing NY,
I had to polka.
She said not until we get to Hygiene CO,
then maybe I could polka.
I said first let's stop at Moorehead Jersey,
before I polka.
Things got salty in Saline Michigan,
Never got to polka.
She said let's go to Bonesteel, (SD)
now there's a place I'll polka.
but it went Askew in Mississppi,
Didn't know if I could polka.
Climax MI was our destination,
She wanted me to polka.
but I had to make a stop in Crappo MD,
I lost the urge to polka.
bridge
well I went up to Maine to Bangor
then I went down to Florida to Tampa
but when all is said and done
I'd rather polka.
French Lick, Love Canal
Blue Ball, Moorehead
I Wanna Polka
Bonesteel, Intercourse
Climax, Crappo
I Wanna Polka
Tampa, Flushing
Hygiene, Saline
I Wanna Polka
Gaysport (OH), Gayhead (MA)
Gayville (SD), Mudlick (KY)
I Wanna polka
(instrumental jam out)
A hymn is what you make of it, drom. I have so many of these obscure, meaningless complete non-sequitors up my sleeve, the sheep are bound to flock to our new Church.
I'll try a few out:
Why learn to spell when you can teach someone to fish?
Life is a gamble, but only in Vegas.
Why should you follow my word? Why do you think you should?
How am I doing...
Oh my God! I have a feeling in my waters that the Church of Jesus Christ Learn to Friggin' Drive you SUV-Owning SOB will become HUGE... and, with statements like that, the 'in-crowd' will convert to us, thinking our unusual statements and constant singing of 'Funky Little Shack' to be the pinnacle of cool.
Show me the money baby...
Oh, we could have a different 'Honourary Apostle' every week. This week, it can be the guy who played... the guy who said that in Jerry Maguire; next week, it can be Kramer from the defunct comedy Seinfeld.
To add to the oddities:
'I'm not well spoken enough to be unintelligible.'
Hmm...as for honourary apostles, I'm guessing that Emmanuel Lewis or Vanilla Ice would be cheaper.
Fine...
Now... we need something effective for the offertory hymn, seeing as that is the most spiritual part of things and we don't want to ruin it. Something that is rememberable but not garish...
THE BEAUTY OF THE ROAD
The beauty of the road is a road that's free
of SOBs driving SUVs,
Jesus in your heart, and love right down here <pat chest or groin>
and maybe fuzzy dice hanging from the mirror.
That's absolutely perfect! A very subtle blend of religion, nuttiness, and eroticism... $$$
Did you write it yourself?
I did write that one myself drom.
It is brilliant... and so versatile. You get two black guys to sing it to a bouncy backing track, and you get the hit of the summer. *Is wondering still about whether Dys will be a prophet.*
As for the priests' attire; I was thinking that they dress up as Frank n Furter from the Rocky Horror picture show, but wearing dodgy Hitler moustaches-- but, as you're the true founder, what would you choose?
Hmm, that sounds pretty good. We just can't preach in Germany. I just heard a story this morning about a German man who was fined heavily because he taught his dog how to make the Heil Hitler sign. I suppose he thought this was funny enough to waste all that time.
Wow, some people have too much time on their hands... still, we should recruit him.
What if, in Germany, we run by different names every week? You can be Heizer Schnüdel, and I'll be Willima Sheik Spire. It could be quite a source of amusement, and we'll earn lots from the documentaries...
Not a bad idea there drom. My German is rather rusty though, so all I need to learn is to say "I am your saviour, follow me. You engineer your cars very well, but you must stop making SUVs."
