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Looking EVERWHERE

 
 
Reply Tue 19 Aug, 2014 04:37 pm
Hello, my name is Rosa, I'm 21 years old and I'm in search for my birth father. My birth mother's name is Herminia. and I was born in Eagle Pass, TX all i know is that my mother was living in the Austin area at the time she met my father. I'd like to figure who he is since my mother doesn't want to tell me.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 5 • Views: 5,653 • Replies: 87

 
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Aug, 2014 07:01 pm
@rybanez4,
I support you in your quest. It is only natural to want to know your roots. Best wishes!
rybanez4
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Aug, 2014 07:17 pm
@Germlat,
Thank you!
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Aug, 2014 08:20 pm
@rybanez4,
and what is it exactly you're asking?

Do you think your father may see your post here?

You don't want to respect the wishes of your birth mother, and perhaps your father, not to contact him?

You don't believe your father would have attempted contact if he wanted to be part of your life?

You say "birth mother". Were you adopted? Those are your parents.
cicerone imposter
 
  3  
Reply Tue 19 Aug, 2014 08:24 pm
@rybanez4,
That's a natural feeling to want to know your father, and I hope you get to find and see him soon. Good luck on your search.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Aug, 2014 08:30 pm
@cicerone imposter,
I'm not convinced it's a natural feeling ci, I'm really not.

If that were the case, almost all adopted children would be looking for their birth parents.

I frankly think it's a selfish thing to do, fraught with unrealistic expectations.
The street goes both ways.

Why is it you don't always hear of birth parents trying to contact their of age children?

rybanez4
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Aug, 2014 08:46 pm
@chai2,
Anything is worth a try. And for you to sit there and ask me if I was adopted is none of your business, I'm looking for answers my mother can't be a woman about and sit down with her own daughter to talk about. I'm not going to quit looking for him. And those "parents" you're referring to are nothing to me. You don't know my story you don't know a damn thing about me so don't sit and try to wrap your tiny brain around it.
rybanez4
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Aug, 2014 08:48 pm
@chai2,
And another thing yes, my father tried to find me but my mother kept moving me from city to city to keep me from him.
cicerone imposter
 
  2  
Reply Tue 19 Aug, 2014 08:56 pm
@chai2,
I disagree; humans want to know their roots. If they don't, it's probably based on some nefarious reasons.

Quote:
“Being adopted is like being a puzzle with a piece missing.” Jeremy, age 10
Among the special tasks of adoptive parenting is one that could definitely benefit from an instructor’s manual--knowing how to handle our children’s potential interest in searching for connections to or relationships with their birth families and birth heritage.
Joyce Maguire Pavao, author of The Family of Adoption (1998) and an adoptee herself, writes that “search is something that all human beings do in one way or another . . . It is a human need to know as much as we can about who we are.” Dr. Pavao separates search from reunion with birth parents and defines it as the process of gathering information about the past and the present to better move forward into the future. It is healthy and normal for children, teens, and young adults to make connections to their past that will help them develop positive, strong identification with where they came from as well as where they are and where they are going. Search may lead to the desire for reunion, and then again, it may not.
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2014 05:51 am
@rybanez4,
Your best option is to convince your mother that is imperative for you know. Have a sit-down with her in a non-judgemental and rational fashion. Explain you need to know this for closure, to complete your personal identity discovery process(as it is a normal developmental task of young adults), and even to know your family medical history. I know you're probably frustrated with her due to her lack of disclosure. It is possible she may be protecting you...so don't jump to conclusions regarding her motives. You don't know the reasons behind her actions. For all you know she could be a rape victim. He could be emotionally unstable or a criminal... He could've been married to someone else(the possibilities are endless). I find it odd that he didn't exercise his parental rights. Did he ever provide financially for you? Why did he not go through the court system? Was his name listed on your original birth certificate? If you were adopted by a stepfather , it is possible to request your original one( in some states).
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2014 05:58 am
@rybanez4,
Are there any photos of him available? If she won't tell you, rummage through old photos...she may have kept one. Zone in on the ones around your year of birth that contain unidentified males. Are there any other relatives that could help you? You could present a photo and ask who the person is. Anyway--keep us posted.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2014 07:04 am
@rybanez4,
rybanez4 wrote:

And another thing yes, my father tried to find me but my mother kept moving me from city to city to keep me from him.


how did you learn this?

_________


If he is looking for you, he is likely on one of the registries where birth parents and children go to leave birth dates/locations/identifying information. Check the registries.

http://www.dshs.state.tx.us/vs/reqproc/volreg.shtm
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2014 07:10 am
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:
Why is it you don't always hear of birth parents trying to contact their of age children?


many of them do search for their children - that's how many of the registries started - with birth parents leaving their names with agencies for children to access when they came of age

the desire of birth parents and children to find each other is where a lot of the adoption rights laws came from in the US and other countries. It's also where the move to open adoptions came from.

Relationships are messy and complicated and the whole world of adoption takes mess and complication to a special place.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2014 07:14 am
@rybanez4,
rybanez4 wrote:

I'd like to figure who he is since my mother doesn't want to tell me.


If you want support and help from your mother with this, I'd suggest that you start by spending some time talking to her, adult to adult, about what her life was like when she was pregnant with you. Find out why she made the choices she did. You may learn more about her and she may learn more about you, and understand your desire to learn about your father.

Be prepared to hear things that you may not like - about both of your parents.

Be cautious about your expectations of who your father is, and what your relationship with him will be like.
chai2
 
  0  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2014 08:24 am
@rybanez4,
rybanez4 wrote:

Anything is worth a try. And for you to sit there and ask me if I was adopted is none of your business, I'm looking for answers my mother can't be a woman about and sit down with her own daughter to talk about. I'm not going to quit looking for him. And those "parents" you're referring to are nothing to me. You don't know my story you don't know a damn thing about me so don't sit and try to wrap your tiny brain around it.


Ah yes.

You're looking for answers, but don't feel you need to supply information.

What I do know about you is you immediately go into defense mode with the #1 response of "you don't know me" and insults directed at me, when no insults have been given to you.

In this case it's because I asked questions that you are uncomfortable with, or don't have the answers.

I can tell you have given this deep consideration.

0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2014 08:26 am
@Germlat,
Germlat wrote:

Your best option is to convince your mother that is imperative for you know. Have a sit-down with her in a non-judgemental and rational fashion.


She's already proven that won't happen.

If she can't be civil to strangers she is asking help from, it's not going to happen with a woman with whom she has an emotional relationship.
chai2
 
  0  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2014 08:33 am
@ehBeth,
ehBeth wrote:

chai2 wrote:
Why is it you don't always hear of birth parents trying to contact their of age children?



Relationships are messy and complicated and the whole world of adoption takes mess and complication to a special place.


I know.
That's why I believe there needs to be stricter regulations on parties trying to reach out to each other. Especially on the part of the child /adult child who most likely has more limited life experience. They are reaching out to someone who has developed and lived and entire life. A life that has been chosen not to include this other person. A life with their own family, friends and other relationships.

cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2014 08:50 am
@ehBeth,
That's a good point; your mother may not want to hurt you from getting to know who your father is. That does't diminish your wanting to know, but it might create discomfort for your mother.
0 Replies
 
rybanez4
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2014 08:50 am
@chai2,
Oh excuse me, I guess you know everything huh? Ha, there's a bigger picture to everything so unless you know the WHOLE story please don't waste your time or mine. Yes I go into defense mode because I've been through things in my life that you couldn't fathom. Please stop replying to my posts and let me continue my search in peace.
0 Replies
 
rybanez4
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2014 09:00 am
@Germlat,
If only it was that easy Lol my mother is a whole different storty...I've explained to her in more than one form that I need to know who he is. He never provided anything for me growing up. All I know is that her husband (my stepfather) adopted me. He was a horrible person growing up and my mother always took his side and still does to this day. Actually i have heard from one of my cousins that my father was married when he met my mother, thats why i think she kept moving me from city to city. I've looked through the archived files and I've found my original birth certificate but nothing is listed for my father Sad
 

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