“Being adopted is like being a puzzle with a piece missing.” Jeremy, age 10
Among the special tasks of adoptive parenting is one that could definitely benefit from an instructor’s manual--knowing how to handle our children’s potential interest in searching for connections to or relationships with their birth families and birth heritage.
Joyce Maguire Pavao, author of The Family of Adoption (1998) and an adoptee herself, writes that “search is something that all human beings do in one way or another . . . It is a human need to know as much as we can about who we are.” Dr. Pavao separates search from reunion with birth parents and defines it as the process of gathering information about the past and the present to better move forward into the future. It is healthy and normal for children, teens, and young adults to make connections to their past that will help them develop positive, strong identification with where they came from as well as where they are and where they are going. Search may lead to the desire for reunion, and then again, it may not.
And another thing yes, my father tried to find me but my mother kept moving me from city to city to keep me from him.
Why is it you don't always hear of birth parents trying to contact their of age children?
I'd like to figure who he is since my mother doesn't want to tell me.
Anything is worth a try. And for you to sit there and ask me if I was adopted is none of your business, I'm looking for answers my mother can't be a woman about and sit down with her own daughter to talk about. I'm not going to quit looking for him. And those "parents" you're referring to are nothing to me. You don't know my story you don't know a damn thing about me so don't sit and try to wrap your tiny brain around it.
Your best option is to convince your mother that is imperative for you know. Have a sit-down with her in a non-judgemental and rational fashion.
chai2 wrote:Why is it you don't always hear of birth parents trying to contact their of age children?
Relationships are messy and complicated and the whole world of adoption takes mess and complication to a special place.