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@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

Given your 'research', what do you think explains the large number of birth parents on adoption registries waiting to be contacted?

Again, and yet again and again.....I am NOT debating or arguing the point that many, many, many times a person wishes to met their adult child.

Why are you and ci ignoring each and every instance where I have said words to this effect?

Again, and yet again, I am not debating that each and every circumstance is different and unique.....forever and ever amen.

I have never said, although ci has accused me of this several times, I am not the "only person with the right answers about kids....."

As far as what other forums I belong to. Not relevant and frankly none of your business. I go by other names, and want my privacy respected....not unlike the subject matter here.

Be assured it's not some way out in left field, extreme, weird forum. It is, I can tell you, a place where many different opinions are much better received from here, due to the fact on A2k there are too few members at this point, and this creates a feeling of not wanted to upset the apple cart, offend anyone, or step on toes. Don't get me wrong. I like coming here. I also like going to other forums where equally normal people have differing opinions.

ci, that's great, I'm glad you agree with the 11 thumbs up. I would probably go with the 5 thumbs down....a not insignificant %.
Is is your point that over 30% of the people's opinion is wrong, should be ignored?

If each situation is unique special, etc. Then you can easily see there are many situations where the birth parent would be pained, shocked, dismayed, angered etc that someone attempts to seek them out.

What I am extremely curious about is why absolutely no sympathy is being given to them.

BTW ehbeth...I never called this "research". I simply asked a group of normal, everyday people. I reported back what the total of all these people said was their opinion.

2 Replies

@chai2,

All of your assumptions based on your 'research' is bunk! The actual trend in single mothers keeping their babies have been increasing for many decades now, and pregnancies in young women have been dropping! That's what I found in my "search" on the internet. For the few who are seeking to find their bio parents, most people say they have the right to look for them; they are 'FAMILY.'

I wouldn't take your 'research' too seriously, and your opinions are your own - and not the majority - even here on a2k.

2 Replies

@chai2,

ehBeth wrote:

BTW ehbeth...I never called this "research". I simply asked a group of normal, everyday people. I reported back what the total of all these people said was their opinion.

Jesus ci, would you mind reading my posts before blasting off?

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@cicerone imposter,

cicerone imposter wrote:

most people say they have the right to look for them

So you say that because most say that, the some don't don't agree...or in my case saying the birth parent has the right to be private, are wrong? That another person should be able to come into their lives whether it is wanted or distruptive, or not?

As far as being family, yes, I suppose to the point where their sperm or egg produced a child they gave up.

In a broad biological sense they are.

0 Replies

@cicerone imposter,

cicerone imposter wrote:

All of your assumptions based on your 'research' is bunk! The actual trend in single mothers keeping their babies have been increasing for many decades now, and pregnancies in young women have been dropping!

And where is any of this pertinent to the number of women who actually give birth, give up the baby for adoption, and either do or do not want contact in the future?

Single mothers keeping babies are going up? What does that have to do with women who give birth. give them up for adoption, and either want or do not want future contact?

Pregnancies in young women dropping? What does that have to do with women who give birth, give the baby up for adoption, and either want or do not want future contact?

I am talking about a specific group of people. I am talking about women who give birth, give the baby up for adoption, and either want or do not want contact. It also includes men who fathered a childen that was given up for adoption, and either want or do not want future contact.

My question that was asked and opinions given on another forum was whether or not there was a baby given up for adoption, would you want future contact or not.
Many women said they wouldn't let the pregnancy go to term. These wouldn't be included in ci's group of women that are trending up and keeping babys.
Some women said they would not want contact. Again, the question wasn't directed to people who would keep the baby.
Both the men who responded said they wanted no contact. These aren't fathers whose partners aborted or decided to keep the baby.
Other women said they wouldn't want contact, but upon giving the baby up would supply any medical information for future use. One said they would want contact out of curiosity, but wouldn't want a relationship. One was undecided.

Wonderful that teen pregnancies are going down. Terrific that more women are choosing to keep their baby. I'm serious, as I have issues with abortion.
These are not people who gave their child up.

What's that word they throw around the politics thread? Strawman?

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@cicerone imposter,

cicerone imposter wrote:

[

Quote:
From Debate.org: Adopted children should be allowed to contact their biological parents.
The adopted children have the right to know who their biological parents are, and they should keep in touch with their biological parents because they need their birth parents with them during they are growing up. Some adopter parents don't want to tell the children who their birth parents really are, but I think the children should be given the option whether they want to know their birth parents are. Moreover, the adopted children have blood relationship with their real parents, they are families anyway.
NOTE: This one had 11 thumbs up and 5 thumbs down.

Again, this says nothing about the opinions of people who have actually given a baby away, and whether they would want future contact.

1 Reply

@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

cicerone imposter wrote:

[

Quote:
From Debate.org: Adopted children should be allowed to contact their biological parents.
The adopted children have the right to know who their biological parents are, and they should keep in touch with their biological parents because they need their birth parents with them during they are growing up. Some adopter parents don't want to tell the children who their birth parents really are, but I think the children should be given the option whether they want to know their birth parents are. Moreover, the adopted children have blood relationship with their real parents, they are families anyway.
NOTE: This one had 11 thumbs up and 5 thumbs down.

Again, this says nothing about the opinions of people who have actually given a baby away, and whether they would want future contact.

Ok...if pregnancy were to be 100% unavoidable,then I'd have issues. But, if you're a woman it's not. Truth is , no matter how careful you are, a woman can get pregnant. It's not a matter of responsibility or keeping your legs shut. People are driven and excited by sexual contact. It's a biologically driven fact!! Some are not ok with abortion. I respect that. There are women who were pregnant at 15 or very young and couldn't have an abortion. Also women who have a baby after being raped ( but the reason why doesn't matter) I think their rights to privacy should be respected. That doesn't change the fact I feel compassion for those trying to complete their puzzle. It's tough both ways.

1 Reply

@Germlat,

There are as many reasons for a woman to give their baby away as there are people who wish to seek out their bio parents.

None of us had a voice or choice to come into this world. As Germlat stated, sexual contact is normal; it's in our DNA. If we are born, the father and mother 'should' take on the responsibility for any pregnancy and the baby - under normal circumstances. Incest and rape is another matter that only clouds the issue of the child's need to seek out his/her bio parents.

I remember a report on the orphanages in Russia where the babies never received human contact and love, and they turned out to become unemotional human beings who grow up to become addicts and criminals.

Both parents have the responsibility to make sure this doesn't happen to their baby; neglected and unloved.

1 Reply

This thread sickens me.

I was raped while I went politely to see some paintings after eating lunch there in his cafe. I didn't dislike him, but neither was I very interested, I'd liked his art work. I sorta liked him, but not in terms of the word I didn't know then, *******.

I got thrown down and raped in a very large room by a hefty person. I said No fast but it was a big room.
I bore a child from this. I still love that child.
I hadn't sex for almost a year before and more than one after. No question.

I did not know then that my yelled No and it's uselessness would last this long. He asked me to be his mistress. I said no and walked out. Walking home I went to the pharmacy and looked at douches, which I had heard of. I couldn't afford them except for the packet, whatever it was, and I used a coke bottle and tilted. Didn't work.

I was declared pregnant by the single worst m.d. I've ever run across, a female, rough, whose name I'd picked since it reminded me of my favorite previous employer. Test positive. I hope she rests in an irish bog.

Time went by. Long story - I tried to move and get a job in the bay area, could have, but before I left I had to tell my mother so as not to leave her desolate. Thus I was shunted to the catholic hierarchy and a home for unwed mothers, and as I now see it, as sweepaway.

I still love my son.

3 Replies

@cicerone imposter,

I feel compassion for both...because as women there's is no fool-proof way of controlling childbirth. Some don't believe in abortion and feel wrong to terminate a pregnancy based on what they've learned. There are so many teen moms that do this...I know a woman who had a baby and gave it up for adoption at 15!!! How is anyone to make that huge of a decision at 15? There is no contraceptive that's foolproof . I feel for those undesired babies though. It breaks my heart to know how many come into this world unwanted. What a terrible way to start life...through rejection.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

Wow!! Osso...I'm sorry to hear that. It should serve as an example of things that happen to women...glad you shared. You have my deepest compassion!

2 Replies

@Germlat,

I understand it can be a tough call for anyone faced with that kind of responsibility, but I still believe it should be a human-animal instinct to care for any baby born to them. As I've stated earlier, it's been the practice of more single women to have children with the intent to keep their baby.

It's also understandable that each case has its own dynamics on birth control, right to life, abortion, age of mother, and how family, friends, and peers will influence their decision. Nobody here is claiming it's an easy decision to keep or offer the baby for adoption - for most mothers.

0 Replies

@ossobuco,

edit, the attempt re moving to the bay area was for me and the baby. My consternation was on the baby's and my being ok.

Before you all blast me - try being pre boomer.

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@Germlat,

I have stories -- the happy pregnant eleven year old at St. Annes Home for Unwed Mothers, as one of them.

I gotta say that between 1960 and 1970, much changed, thank god.

0 Replies

@Germlat,

Thanks. You and I have buffetted, and both of us can be brats, but I take it that you have understanding.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

to edit that, I meant I was trying to move to the SFBay area pre the birth of my child. When I did travel to see, I saw jobs on some hospital ads that I would fit. It was about how we would make it, and I was also crazy about how my i.d. could work. (think dolt)

This brings up another whole subject, pregnant women applying for jobs.

When I told my mother I was leaving, the whole thing tumbled down.

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Chai is speaking for herself.

I am extremely glad that all these agencies exist.

I'm late, I've had reasons not to look, not wanting to talk about rape but also not knowing how not to. And I've a visceral need not to fib.

0 Replies

I guess I'll add that a while after I gave birth, the m.d. showed up and I thanked him. He then said that no one had ever thanked him before.

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