cicerone imposter wrote:
I disagree; humans want to know their roots. If they don't, it's probably based on some nefarious reasons.
“Being adopted is like being a puzzle with a piece missing.” Jeremy, age 10
Among the special tasks of adoptive parenting is one that could definitely benefit from an instructor’s manual--knowing how to handle our children’s potential interest in searching for connections to or relationships with their birth families and birth heritage.
Joyce Maguire Pavao, author of The Family of Adoption (1998) and an adoptee herself, writes that “search is something that all human beings do in one way or another . . . It is a human need to know as much as we can about who we are.” Dr. Pavao separates search from reunion with birth parents and defines it as the process of gathering information about the past and the present to better move forward into the future. It is healthy and normal for children, teens, and young adults to make connections to their past that will help them develop positive, strong identification with where they came from as well as where they are and where they are going. Search may lead to the desire for reunion, and then again, it may not.
So, if someone does not want to know about there roots (or more accurately, probably wonders about it but decides they will go ahead and forge their own lives and happiness, and let the biological parent live the life they have worked for, they are nefarious, meaning wicked/criminal?
That's a very strong word to use against someone that has decided that finding the person(s) who gave them to someone else to raise isn't necessary to live a good life. Realizing this may totally disrupt the lives of other people is wicked?
In your quote, it says it's a human NEED to know as much as we can about who we are. No it's not. It's a human desire or want, not a need.
jespah said on some other thread, and I agree 100%...closure is overated.
I feel a stricter age limit needs to be put on when an adopted adult child can seek a birth parent. Something like 30 years old.
Look at this site for example. Look at the large number of people with the age range of let's say 16 to 22 or so, and their relationship issues/questions.
He didn't respond to my tweet for 5 minutes, what does that mean?
HELP!!!! Does he like me?
I think I love this girl that I've never talked to and works at the coffee shop.
These are the exact same people who are of the idea they "need" to find their birth parent (and you don't know me, so shut up).
Fast forward to the age 30, and you'll more likely find an adult with a family of their own, who can identify with the problems of the results of that child that was conceived 5, 10 or 15 years ago can bring if they make contact.
If they still chose to search, it will be with an entirely different mindset.
But, no. It's vitally important that a 20 year old find their mother/father NOW!
And we, because we can't seem to say "wait 10 years and see if you still want to do this", just get so excited, congratulating and wishing them luck. We so want to believe this person who is also dealing with "but I really love this guy but he doesn't text me", is going to maturely approach someone who may or may not even want to be reminded of that part of their life.
Or yes, they may be mature enough. They realize they can wait until they are more fully an adult, and has some life experiences under their belt.