someone who has developed and lived and entire life. A life that has been chosen not to include this other person. A life with their own family, friends and other relationships.
I think you're making a lot of assumptions about why people are not in contact with their children.
I don't know where this reaction comes from with you, but it doesn't really matter, as long as you try to be reasonable with people who are asking for assistance.
And I think people in general make a lot of assumptions about the number of birth parents that actually want a reunion.
The reaction I'm giving comes from living in the real world. I live in a world where a person shouldn't have to wait for the other shoe to drop by having someone show up at the door, as a result of an incident years ago. I have to frankly respect someone who would go through the process of having an unwanted child, when they could have easily aborted. In fact, to reassure myself that I wasn't crazy, I asked the question on another board a while ago. I asked if they had become a parent, and gave the child up, would they want contact later in life. The answer was overwhelming, and surprising to me. The vast majority said they would have had an abortion, and never let the pregnancy come to term. One person (at least that admitted it) had such an abortion to avoid having to have this person in their life later. The 1st person who responded said the idea of being contacted years later would be the primary reason she would have an abortion. Men who responded had no interest in having contact.
Just did a quick view of the posts there. Of the so far 15 people who responded, 8 would have an abortion (the one person who admitted to having one said she'd do it again in a heartbeat), 3 said no, they wouldn't want contact, an additional 2 men said they wouldn't want contact, 1 person said yes, their curiosity would get the better of them, but they wouldn't want a relationship, 1 said they weren't sure, and would have to think about it. More have made general comments about parents privacy, being happy safe abortions are available if wanted and generally stating if they wanted the child, they would have kept it. This is in less than 3 hours. I'm sure they'll be more by morning.
So much for the fantasy of the gut wrenching decision to put up for adoption, or doing it so "he'll get a better home" I'm far from saying that doesn't happen, and doesn't happen on a regular basis. Thing is, people have abortions, and give children up for adoption, primarily because they didn't want the baby.
I'm the elephant in the room. I'm the one many people are reading and nodding their heads thinking "ye gads, I'd never want someone to attempt contact with me because I got someone pregnant, or had a kid I didn't want."
I respect that few if any will volunteer their feelings here, as it would just be so unacceptable and so unPC to admit they're glad they either had an abortion or gave a child away, and would do it again.
It's just unpopular that I'm saying this. It's besides the point apparently that it's the truth.
As far as being reasonable, I've been nothing but.
I've asked questions that are pertinent and to the point, and received no answers. The reason being I'm not givng her "positive vibes".