Is this acceptable from a would be girlfriend?

Is the new arrangement meant to be long-term?

Is it specifically the fact that it is someone she's had a relationship with before, or would it bother you if any other adult moved in with her?

I don't believe it's meant to be long term but does it matter? A large part of my discomfort does stem from the fact that they have had a relationship between them previously and a child together. It doesn't make sense to me to think that this would be ok-short or long term.

If she thinks it's best for her daughter it doesn't matter whether it's "acceptable" to you. You can either deal with it or walk away.

Personally, I think it's admirable when exes stay friends and help each other out, especially when there's kids involved.

If you've got a problem with it then it's best you not pursue a relationship with the woman.

I think it's a good sign if people continue to have positive relationships with their co-parents.

Don't try to convince her that this is a bad idea, just let her know you're not able to handle it. This is about you, not about her and her relationship with her daughter's father.

I understand it's her choice and I respect that. That's great if they stay friends and work to both have a positive influence on their child but why in the world would that mean he needs to move in with her? I've decided to walk away because I'm not comfortable with the situation I've been put in but I respect and understand she is doing what she thinks is best for her kid. btw-she hates the guy, he was abusive in their past relationship.

Would you be ok with it if a different male housemate moved in with her?

It would depend on the reason & person. I've had flat mates that have been women & it was a cost sharing thing. She was previously living on her own in an apt. If she had bought a house or something and was looking to find ways to ease the burden then I'd be ok with it. That is not the case here.

There still can be a benefit to the daughter existing if he lived in the same geographical area - not under the same roof. This is a deal-breaker. She's not ready for a commitment.

I'd watch it as I drive away...in my rear-view mirror ... as it shrinks smaller and smaller.

I'd watch it as I drive away...in my rear-view mirror ... as it shrinks smaller and smaller.

I'd watch it as I drive away...in my rear-view mirror ... as it shrinks smaller and smaller.

It's a very good thing you've walked away.

If I were the woman in question, I wouldn't accept someone trying to control my life like this.

Thank God you're out of her life.

There's a lot of background info missing from this story.

There's a lot that I don't know. Originally she said he was going to be working with his sister in same state but a few hours from where we are. The night he and her daughter arrived I had arrived at her place about 30 minutes prior and she suddenly informed me he would be staying there and wanted me to stay as well. I was very uncomfortable with this and left. I believe she had the intention from the get go for him to stay with her. She waited till the very last minute to inform me. She is giving him the place to stay while he 'gets on his feet' she says but mainly for the benefit of her child. When and if he will leave is unknown but again I do not think it's acceptable regardless.

He is a grown man, he should be able to take care of himself. Why does she have to house him for the benefit of her child? She says she loves me and just wants to be with me but how does this possibly add anything good to the relationship we have. Why would someone who says they care put the person they care about in a crappy situation like this? Her decision to make for sure but my decision to decide whether it's something I agree with..I don't. I pose the question to see how others would respond. Thank you for your opinion.

You asked in your intitial post "I'm curious what everyone thinks about this & how they would handle it?" I, and others have told you what we think.

However, like a lot of posters who start relationship threads, you're just looking to find someone else to agree with you.

You call her your "would be girlfriend" and have also admitted you don't know a lot of things about this situation.

Now she loves you all of a sudden?

Obviously no one is going to change your mind about anything, not as if we're trying to.

You want what you want without knowing all the facts, and turn to complete strangers to tell you what is going on in 2 peoples mind (the woman and the father of her child). How are we supposed to know?

Really, do this woman a favor and get out of her life.

I am & guess I am looking for validation for my actions. Feel crappy about it and feel crappy that I've been put in this situation.

Sort of the same thing happened to me, I was dating divorcee Miriam but she was always saying how much she loved her ex, so I told her- "Forget him, he's history", but she replied "I can't forget him, I let him come round to mow my lawn and do odd jobs for me"
So I said- "Look, I don't want him coming anywhere near you as long as you're seeing me!"
"But I still love him" she said wimpily.
So I ditched the airhead and good bloody riddance..

Oh, so now you're pulling the victim card?

No other person put you in any situation. You've put yourself into a self made problem by thinking you can control what someone else does and feels.

You really need strangers to validate you? You need strangers to validate you've gone off half cocked without knowing the complete situation, and also to validate that this woman should live her life according your your desires?

Jesus wept.

You do realize you are also making judgements & claims without knowing the full situation as well.. it's always easy to be the critic.
"Really, do this woman a favor and get out of her life."
"If I were the woman in question, I wouldn't accept someone trying to control my life like this."
"Thank God you're out of her life."

I'm all of the sudden controlling her life because I disagree with her bringing an ex into her home? That's obtuse. Thank God I'm out of her life? Just because we are no longer going to be together as a c0uple doesn't mean I intend to be out of her life- I care about her and hope to continue to be a part of her life. Who are you to make these claims?

That I don't think is as bad as having him live with her. I understand they will and have to associate as they have a child together and if they can do this amicably that's great too. This in my opinion is a too much.

Best answer.