Is this acceptable from a would be girlfriend?

Yes you are right, I am the perpetrator not the victim. I'm maliciously attacking this woman for doing me the good deed of bringing her ex into her home to live with her.. I'm so bad! I weep...for you and your backwards mind.
I have never sought to control but I do not agree with the situation and am moving on. I live my life by my desires & would expect & assume everyone else should do the same. You seem very bitter?

There used to be a saying that became considered maudlin, but in this situation seem apropos for your situation:

If you love something let it go ... if it was meant to be it will return.

If you make her defensive about the ex you may well drive to him to defend her choice. If you can't deal with it you owe it to her to step back graciously and let her know your door is open.

Lucky her.

You'd have to know Romeo Fabulini. Don't take him too seriously. Not even Romeo does that.

What? Dads part of it for a very long term and you are marking time and want to make demands????

Noted..

Yes, I agree. I don't like it, I don't agree with it. It is her choice to make & I understand & respect that. I am not intending to control her or attempting to remove the father from her childs life. I've made my decision to let her go with no intention of continuing an intimate relationship and wanted to hear what others though about it. I don't know how this turned into me controlling her because I disagree with her decision?

You stated in your third post...I've decided to walk away because I'm not comfortable with the situation I've been put in
Sounds like that's getting out of someone's life.

You're changing your story as you go along.

Who am I to make these claims?

Someone on the forum on which you posed these questions.

Who are you to tell someone who they can and cannot have in their life, or live in their home?

In a nutshell you are an argumentative fool. Let me extend you a special invitation to get bent, oh you're already there. Geek
You're someone on the forum so you know everything now..the all knowing clown has spoken. I've heard your meaningless dribble, you can go away now. The garbage you write is so outlandish your post got voted down.. who does that happen to, YOU!! lol

There's nothing about your reaction with which I would take issue.

If you are in a serious relationship with a woman you have every right to be displeased if she invites her ex-husband to live in her house despite your reservations.

Relationships are a two-way street. There is no requirement that you suppress all of your feelings and concerns and just go along with what she does or wants to do. It not about being controlling its about being considerate.

I'm assuming it's a serious relationship based on what you've written and in serious relationships both people take into consideration the feelings of the others.

I don't think you are at all being unreasonable. Yeah, it could be argued that your concern indicates that you don't trust her enough, but the same argument could be made if my wife expressed her displeasure with me staying in the same hotel room with a female employee. If she truly, truly trusted me, what would the big deal be? Of course that's nonsense as would be any assertion that you don't trust your girl-friend enough.

Although you don't seem to have indicated it is the case, your concern could be that the man who abused her before could abuse her again.

No matter what the source of your concern, your girlfriend should respect it.

As you've noted you're not trying to let your personal feelings get in the way of her caring for her daughter. It does stretch credulity that there is a significant enough difference in the measure of benefit to the daughter between her father living near by and being allowed to frequently come see her and living with her in the same house. And whatever that difference is, is it worth, upsetting you, and ending a relationship which is supposed to involve her loving you?

Obviously she thinks it is which either means she has a very strange conception of the the value of the man being her daughter's father or she just doesn't care all that much about your relationship.

If you were demanding that she never allow the guy into her house, it would be a different story, but you're not.

I can't know what's going on in her head, but I think you're perfectly justified in ending the relationship.

Nodding in agreement with Finn.

Completely..

Very well said, I do agree.

Ditch her Egghead and I guarantee you'll feel better for it and will wonder why you dragged your feet for so long!
For examp I once spilit with a woman late one Christmas Eve and had to walk 3 miles home because there were no buses, but it felt GREAT every step of the way because I felt FREE of her at last..

You're killin me Romeo

I can see both sides - or maybe three sides - to all this. I know from my own experience from when my ex came to visit and stay with me at my new house, hundreds of miles north, to see where I was, that the olden hanky panky was on neither of our minds. This was a few years after the big split. It was a continuation of the friendship we'd had for decades, somewhat lost, and gotten back, not least because we both saw value in being friends, for the continuity. We had been through so many years of life together. He was, at the time of the visit, already going with the woman he would marry next, but his visit wasn't a test of that romance. Actually, I had given him a credit reference for when he was purchasing the engagement ring. No emotional harm happened to either of us on that visit, and, since my niece used to come stay with me there, flying alone as a young teen after she had also visited me with her father, x's brother, I'm sure they were both settled and happy with her staying with me. Ex and I had moved on, but still talk every few months - re family and ourselves. I doubt his now wife worries about me as any kind of threat.

On the other hand, I can understand lack of trust, since I've eyes to see around me, what happens with people. I can understand Finn's post, his views.

I do take it, though, that her ex is in financial stress, and that she was trying to help the ex she doesn't completely hate but is over with, and give her daughter more time with her father.

It's also possible she's not sure about where she is at, re being with EggHead forevermore, and wants to reconsider options.

Talking about all this could be useful for both EggHead and his would be girlfriend.

And you're an idiot that needs strangers to agree with him so he can be validated with telling someone what they can do.

You're a troll.

Good points to consider ossobuco. I am fairly certain that there is nothing romantically with the ex, in fact she tells me and has told me she hates him. He is not a good man to be with and has abused her previously. He is making the transition and finances are a concern for him but that's his issue. My understanding is she is doing it to ensure her daughter will continue to stay here & I understand all that but it is creating a terrible strain on our relationship. This is so crappy for me to have to deal with in addition to other issues of trust I've had with her in the past. Thank you for your insight though ossobuco..

Well, now I'm thinking this, since abuse stuff comes into it: I get your caution and self removal from the scene.

Not sure of course, just that I understand more.

This is for the OP

1) Why did they breakup?

2) Is this arrangement solely for the child or financial?

3) If they are cordial and willing to move in at the expense of your feeling why is he her "ex?"

I disagree with most here. If a couple cannot reconcile, the couple can gradually teach that mommy and daddy parted ways but are still friends. This is a bad idea IMO