Seeing him after break up... need advise :(

I wouldn't ask again. Let him chase you.

You were the one that initiated the breakup, if the man is busy he is busy the gap of time between you two and his increased work load is something you have to accept. He may have moved on and although you have the residual feelings of your former feelings maybe you need to move on. Waiting around to talk is maybe not a good idea if you two haven't done it already.

Why should men chase period? This is childish. I always hated that in dating women. Women love to be bait to be captured. Wanting to be chased just feeds ego it does nothing productive.

Wait.

Is this the married guy you had been dating, according to another thread?

The guy is married. Leave him alone.

http://able2know.org/topic/232015-1#post-5558091

Yes it is.

the reason for the meet up is not to go back to the relationship but to talk about how to me move forward from here in our own directions and simply to have closure that i need. We work in the same building so we may bump into each other and i think we both each other some discussion how to put end to things and move forward. I don't want however to appear desperate about this conversation and don't want to chase, but i know it will put me an ease when i have this closure...

You bump into him in the hall, you say hello, you keep moving.

End of subject.

I understand... Thank you.
Is he not going to think that i am misleading him asking first to meet and then not following up on it? I am just always 100% fair with people and i don't want to appear to him as I wanted something and |i changed my mind.

I agree here... the reason I want to see him is just for closure of our relationship. I think we owe each other some explanations and I have some questions unanswered. I want to see him but i don't want to sound desperate, therefore not sure if i should wait or ask again...

For better or worse, you've got your closure already. Why look to him for anything? You don't need him to get your own validation. Be done with it in your own mind. Your dignity and self validation comes from being independent of him - starting now.

What do you care?

He's married, leave him ALONE!

btw, you've already been unfair having an affair with another woman's husband, so leaving him alone rights that, at least as much as you can.

I understand your view of that. it is just hard to let go when the connection over the last two years was really strong. i know i cannot see him as more then a friend now and I want to stick to that. it is just as every relationship ends, we want closure, we want understanding as well. I trully care for him and I will not be in a way anymore, but i really thought that we should have this closure to what we had, meet at least once and talk about it. this was just my intention.

You got your closure, your broke up.

He doesn't need to be your friend, he needs to fix things with his wife, and you need to step off completely.

That cracks me up. You want to be his friend? Yeah, if you were his friend you, he and his wife would be getting together for a nice dinner at their house.

It's hard to let go?

So what?

But it's haaaaaard.....
You've had this guy commit adultry, damaged their marriage, and now you want closure? You've had your closure, just not the way you want it.

You're going to go ahead and do whatever you want in any event, so just go for it.

That's all I have to say about that.

Oh, one more thing....I remember a wise old aunt of mine saying this when some young woman was trying to tell her that she was just "friends" with some married man.

Aunt Millie said "Friends? Oh, is THAT what they're calling it nowadays?"

You don't want closure, so stop trying to convince us you do. You want to start things back up again.

If it is closure you want, well, as Chai wrote, you got it. You broke up with him. There is nothing more to discuss with him. Why in the name of sense YOU need closure when you are the one who broke up with him is beyond me. Which is why I think you simply want to start the affair back up again. Leave the man alone.

I think the simple fact is that he has committed to NOT meeting up with you evidenced by his not getting back with you. I guess he wants to leave you alone just like you should now be leaving him alone.

So there, now you have closure. Find a single guy and live your life.

"So, don't see him." Courtesy my gramma.

I am So glad you said that CR. If I said it, I'd be called every name in the book. She's also trying to convince herself that's all she wants.

Seriously sweetie, do you think we were born yesterday?

CR's right. Go find a single man. Keep away from other womens husbands.

Us wives aren't so dumb you know when it comes to people like you.

Not sure what you mean by "Us wives aren't so dumb you know when it comes to people like you."... you don't know me at all.
Maybe advise for the wives is to get to know their husbands better as well, cause it takes two to tango. I haven't broken any marriage vows, he did. I can be only sorry for myself that it was with me.

"Us wives aren't so dumb you know when it comes to people like you."

It is very simple it means that a spouse always knows when something is not right and it works backwards also from husband to wife. Obviously if he is not trying to contact you something happen in his REAL life.

You don´t seem to understand something.

You should be stepping aside not for him not for her wife not his family (for whom you show absolutely no mercy, my family was destroyed by an affair my father had, i grew asking myself what the woman he slept with thought about the stupid inocent little kids that where at home waiting for his dad to come back home, with their little hopeful beady eyes looking for the house door to open, so believe me, i am trying to be as rational as i can on a subject where i should go thermonuclear). YOU SHOULD STEP ASIDE FOR YOURSELF.

Theres no clousure here and it is not on debate. Simply put, he is prefering his wife over you. He has something real with a person he knows before you. He is making a choise where you have no part. You said you broke with him, but if he was really yours, he should be crawling back asking for an opporutnity. But,oh surprise, he isn´t.

Give yourself the right value. Stop giving yourself significance relating to the possesion of a man. Look for one that is all yours. Out there is someone free, a man that will find even the slightest imperfection of your skin as something divine.

So get over it, put yourself together, and stop this madness.

Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the supercilious rightousness here on a2k. I tend to agree on individual posts re the advice, but the vitriol is striking.

Oh, and no, I wasn't unfaithful, over decades.