Seeing him after break up... need advise :(

She doesn't care about any of this luistmzzzz, she wants to be "friends" with the married guy.

Closure is overrated, and it often doesn't exist.

I don´t think this is about supercilious rightousness. I think is about one of the human basic caratheristics that is called empathy. We trend to relate to others persons life, or sufferings, or achievments. Every book we read relates to us and hang to our feelings in some way or another.

We cry with sad movies, we feel happy when a n athelte wins a gold medal.

We mix the empathy with our own sence of justice. We can´t blame ourselves for been partial on this subject.

We can´t avoid in this situation to fail to empathize with the poster.

really?

I agree she should let it go, but I do not like the superiority of the slammers, not just in this thread. It gets smelly, sort of a parade.

That's for sure. Many times it's one of those psycho-babble buzz words to give someone a feeling of entitlement to keep touching the aching tooth.

And all this talk of wanting to remain friends. Christ, that was cliche back in the 1970's.
You can't bullshit a bullshitter. I've used that line myself.

When you're friends with someone, you talk about that person in front of your wife, husband, gf/bf and other friends and relatives.
If you can't bring someone up in front of your spouse or significant other, he/she is not your friend.

Really....

It is not necesarily about superiority. I haven´t cheated even a single time in my hole life.

I think everyone is reacting to a basic sistem of survival that had been implanted on our system since thousand or hundreds of tousands of years ago.

We are a species that requieres approx 15 years o deveolp an offspring that can do almost the same activities as an adult. For survival evolution and natural selection programmed us to work in groups. Families, tribes, villages, etc... Instinctively we get together and thrive from the team work. Any activity that disrupt the group is denoted as nocival.

We continue to be the same creatures that in one way or another depend of another human been. We just put ourselves on an informatical connection.

We automatically relate to what seems to be the right way to act, for the group. Of course affairs are not benefical. So this reactions seems to me that are pretty normal. Are an antropological evolutionary response.

Nothing to do with feeling superior to others.

Guff.

I'm not an affair proponent, but they are fairly normal in occurrence, and if you are an m.d., time for you to gather some understanding of them besides scolding.

I gave you a thumbs up uismtzzz, even though I don't necessarily agree with one of the points you make....then again, how to say this, it's all about timing.

You're right of course when you talk about the first number of years in a marriage, where children are being raised.

The OP doesn't appear to have any concern about any children, let alone the wife. When you spoke of empathy before, she has none for the woman that is legally married to him. That comment of "it takes 2 to tango" sure doesn't include the wife. She dares to put the blame at least partially of the wife, using the old "if she was taking care of him, he wouldn't be looking" Nice way of saying "this is taking the blame off of me." It funny also, after so many posts both on this thread and another where she intimately discusses her feelings, when confronted, she resorts to the "you don't know me" thing.

As far as an affair never being beneficial, there are unusual circumstances where it could be, but this isn't one of them.

Re: luismtzzz (Post 5682084)
Guff.

I'm not an affair proponent, but they are fairly normal in occurrence, and if you are an m.d., time for you to gather some understanding of them besides scolding.

I never scold. I try my best not to do so. I think i told the OP that her priority should be herself since that man is not capable of giving her the correct value.

Then i proceed to explain a reason why must people inmediately became partial when an affair situation occurs. We can´t avoid it.

Of course i know they are pretty common. There are evolutionary theories about cheating. Theres a tendency in some individual of an species to copulate and impregnate as much females as possible to ensure the biggest quantity of offspring in the least amount of time. It is belived that those genes where usefull for our survival in times when the number of humans dwindled.

On a medical way, i am currently working in the famlily medicine area. Treating families as a hole on a medical way gives you a whole new perspective. So don´t let me start telling stories about how affairs affect the psycological, the physical and the espiritual health of a family as a group and as individuals. Because my intention posting was precisely, not for scolding.

Ok, glad you can see the spectrum of all this. Didn't sound like it.