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How much porn is abnormal or normal?

NSFW Forums: Relationships, Marriage, Husband, Wife, Sex Life
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miagreen
 
Reply Mon 14 Apr, 2014 02:00 pm
As a woman, I need to understand this because I do know most men, if not all, watch porn. I need the men to jump into this question and help me out please! How much porn is abnormal? I find that my husband received messages all day long with naked girls and porn. He watches porn twice or three times a day at home while I'm not there and he masturbates EVERYDAY! We have sex every day as well and we've been married for 19 years now. I just find that it's excessive porn. Please help me understand this!
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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 3,998 • Replies: 55

 
Ragman
 
  3  
Reply Mon 14 Apr, 2014 02:13 pm
@miagreen,
Pls have him send me whatever supplement he's taking.

There's no normal that can be defined here. However, if you feel it's abnormal or problematic for you, then there is a problem.

Seriously, after 19 yrs, you're having daily sex and enjoying it, where's the problem? I don't know if this is all accurate, but assuming it is 100%, this guy has an unusual sex drive, isn't cheating on you..and you're not complaining about the sex. Frankly, I'm not seeing a problem here.
miagreen
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Apr, 2014 03:10 pm
@Ragman,
lol! so that amount of porn is normal?
I'm not complaining, I'm just worried that maybe there's a different problem. I do find him checking out woman in the street and getting all googly eyes over how "hot they are" and sharing it with his friend. I'm just worried that fantasy can become reality somehow so I'm worried.

0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  3  
Reply Mon 14 Apr, 2014 04:42 pm
Too much porn or too much sex?

I don't get it.

Why is it I don't get it when bored male students try to write from a woman's point of view?

A woman would comment on too much sex and blame it on too much porn. The knob polishing, well, was just one detail too many.

Or a woman would ignore the porn and welcome the daily ride knowing studly was being faithful. And she would never write to a forum of random strangers about that.

But a fourteen year old boy will.
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Apr, 2014 05:06 pm
@miagreen,
Concentrate on you dear...other people you can't control...particularly insecure middle aged men . Is this behavior new? You've been married a long time, so you should know. Why question this now? or has it always been? ? What do you need or want? Just wondering! Have you even given that a thought? It's a great big world out there . Is he the only one that counts?!
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Tue 15 Apr, 2014 07:19 am
If this interferes with the marriage, then it's a problem (I don't know about normal)

If you are willing and able, then why does he need this excessive outside stimulation? You might ask him.

He sounds anxious. Does he have anxiety issues? pressure at work? ex-druggie?

(Can you tell me his age?)
miagreen
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Apr, 2014 09:28 am
@bobsal u1553115,
I really don't understand your reply/comment.
This is an open forum, created to speak freely about our personal issues and concerns. What does this have to do with a 14 yr old boy????
miagreen
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Apr, 2014 09:32 am
@Germlat,
Thank you Germlat. Some of the over obsessive sexual behavior towards other woman is new... I believe he had an affair last September because I caught him in a park talking to another woman. Actually, I caught them twice and he of course denied anything. He wont talk about it at all.
But you're so right, I have to concentrate on me and I can't get over this hump.
We've never had these issues before. I need and want loyalty, respect and faithfulness because I give it. In my heart, he's the only one that counts. If I didn't love him, I would have left him point blank but I can't because I love him so much.
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  2  
Reply Wed 16 Apr, 2014 09:32 am
@miagreen,
miagreen wrote:

As a woman, I need to understand this because I do know most men, if not all, watch porn. I need the men to jump into this question and help me out please! How much porn is abnormal? I find that my husband received messages all day long with naked girls and porn. He watches porn twice or three times a day at home while I'm not there and he masturbates EVERYDAY! We have sex every day as well and we've been married for 19 years now. I just find that it's excessive porn. Please help me understand this!


First of all how do you know it is two ore three times a day?
miagreen
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Apr, 2014 09:34 am
@PUNKEY,
I think it interferes with marriage because I feel too much fantasy crosses the lines into reality and that in turns becomes an affair(s). I don't know why he needs outside stimulation, I'm willing and able and he knows this. That's what I don't understand! He does have anxiety issues and he did use coke early in our marriage. He's 41.
miagreen
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Apr, 2014 09:38 am
@Krumple,
his cell phone data usage kept going over 10gigs! That's a lot for one person in one month. When I called the phone company they told me from 9am-11am he's streaming movies. I placed a recorder in the house for a month and sure enough...he's watching porn in intervals and masturbating as well.
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  2  
Reply Wed 16 Apr, 2014 09:38 am
@miagreen,
miagreen wrote:

I think it interferes with marriage because I feel too much fantasy crosses the lines into reality and that in turns becomes an affair(s). I don't know why he needs outside stimulation, I'm willing and able and he knows this. That's what I don't understand! He does have anxiety issues and he did use coke early in our marriage. He's 41.


I have a possible explanation. Porn and masturbation is "quick" and there is less involved. If he is using it to get the edge off of his anxiety then having to involve you would be a much more time constraint to get the same result. Porn is just easier.
miagreen
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Apr, 2014 09:42 am
@Krumple,
ok that part makes total sense.
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Apr, 2014 09:57 am
@miagreen,
miagreen wrote:

ok that part makes total sense.


There is also another aspect to consider, but I don't know him to be able to know how accurate it is. But he could be getting his "fill" of naughty thoughts or feelings from the porn, instead of trying to get them from you directly.

I know there is a common occurrence that happens to some males after they get married where they feel certain sexual activity with their wife seems "dirty" or disrespectful to them. So it could be a respect thing in a strange or odd way if I am making any sense.
miagreen
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Apr, 2014 10:06 am
@Krumple,
yes I get that too and we play dirty but maybe you're right about that because I know sometimes they want to be "dirty" with a virtual stranger & not their wife and maybe it's just easier too. I just feel that sometimes no matter what I do, I'm not enough of what he fantasizes about. No matter how much I do of the stuff he likes or don't do. I never reject him even if I'm exhausted, sick or simply not in the mood. When I ask him, he reassures me that I am but I think he's just telling me what he thinks I want to hear.
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Apr, 2014 10:20 am
@miagreen,
Quote:
Re: bobsal u1553115 (Post 5636020)
I really don't understand your reply/comment.
This is an open forum, created to speak freely about our personal issues and concerns. What does this have to do with a 14 yr old boy????


So I'm not allowed to "speak freely about our personal issues and concerns"?

What I am "speaking freely" about is my "concern" regarding 14 yr old boys making light of women's issues. This was not written in a woman's voice and I have "personal issues" with pranksters who think its fun to milk the empathy of others for laughs.

My problem is with the lack of honesty. This isn't presented as an issue, its presented in a slyly salacious sort of way, about a serious topic in sexuality and the relationship between two people.

Did I get that right?
Krumple
 
  0  
Reply Wed 16 Apr, 2014 10:25 am
@miagreen,
miagreen wrote:

yes I get that too and we play dirty but maybe you're right about that because I know sometimes they want to be "dirty" with a virtual stranger & not their wife and maybe it's just easier too. I just feel that sometimes no matter what I do, I'm not enough of what he fantasizes about. No matter how much I do of the stuff he likes or don't do. I never reject him even if I'm exhausted, sick or simply not in the mood. When I ask him, he reassures me that I am but I think he's just telling me what he thinks I want to hear.


Okay this might not be enough to hear but I wouldn't take it personally. The thing about sexual desire is, it can never be satisfied. It is a constant thing and it changes with the time. Sometimes dirty and sometimes innocent. Your desire to be his everything is admirable but that is going to wear you down because it is an impossible accomplishment.

Sometimes sex isn't always about feelings or emotions or having a meaningful connection with the other person. Sometimes it is just pure biological and this biological urge can interfere with every day activity, like work. So by getting the urge out of the way, he can now focus on other things.

He obviously still has a desire for you since he has not abandoned having sex with you. So my guess is it has to be one of those two explanations I gave earlier. I wouldn't be offended until nothing you do pleases him. But so far that doesn't sound like it's the case, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.
PUNKEY
 
  5  
Reply Wed 16 Apr, 2014 11:52 am
Bob - Mia has posted her before. See her past posts.
miagreen
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Apr, 2014 12:12 pm
@bobsal u1553115,
OH my goodness! I'm a 41 year old woman mother of two kids!!! I do not need to lie about my age and I don't know what's worse your comment or the fact that your so disturbed you think a 14 year old BOY would write such a thing or even think this way! I have a 16 year old daughter and a 12 year old son and a problem like this doesn't even begin to exist in their thought capacity! YOU GOT IT WRONG! VERY WRONG! Your ignorance is mind blowing. Stay out of my post please. I do not care for your opinion!
miagreen
 
  2  
Reply Wed 16 Apr, 2014 12:15 pm
@Krumple,
Thank you Krumple! this makes better sense to me. It's just frustrating because I feel he is enough for me. I guess woman are so very different!

I just don't know what else to do....
 

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