I feel like killing myself

Get a good lawyer. He or she will help you feel better.

Sorry about the loss of your mother. Your husband is cruel for putting this mess on you so close to her death.

Your mother would want you to be strong and to live a quality life. Be strong without him. You have children to consider!!

I'm sorry that this is all happening, but suicide is not the solution. If nothing else, please think of your children.

Yes, you need a lawyer. You have to deal with this, I am sorry to say, despite how you are feeling. This means finances. You need to protect yourself and your children. A good lawyer will be a godsend in this area.

I also urge you to get counseling. This will help you in several areas, to understand what is happening. To deal with your grief. To learn how to make a good life for yourself, and your children. And to figure out how to handle despair without turning to self-destruction.

First, I'm sorry about your mom's passing. I find his timing for this reproachable and selfish. Filing for a separation is different than filing for divorce. This is a time to figure out if you really want a divorce (for both of you). Was he convalescent during the last six months? Has he been able to work? Has he had to let go of many bad habits. Maybe he resents the stark realization of being physically vulnerable and, is in denial ...projecting all of this anger and frustration unto you . Sometimes life gives us brutal shocks. You must work on you and get to a place were you feel strong. Counseling is good, because it helps you think about everything in an organized manner and, helps you see what your alternatives are. Suggest couples counseling. If he declines, give him his space. Don't beg, cry, or try to shame him into staying. None of that works...he'll just resent you for trying to stop him from doing what he feels he must. Get counseling for yourself. Your children need you, and you need to be strong for you and them. Life doesn't begin or end with a man.

I know my mom wants me to be happy and that's the only reason why I was allowed to move to another country because I thought my happiness is here. Now there is nothing but sorrow except for my lovely kids, they are just great! I am afraid for them to find out that horrible things are going to happen again after what we have been through for the past 7 months. They are only 3 and 6, so vulnerable and it will be too much for them to bear.

I know I have to think about my children, else I would have left by now. Financially, I am ok. I have a pretty good job and he is willing to pay for the kids.

I have had counseling after he got sick, but it didn't seem to help much though. Maybe she was just a bad therapist...

I am sorry to read about the loss of your mother.

Life-threatening illnesses often make people reflect on their lives and sometimes they make decisions that don't make sense to anyone else - and sometimes those decisions don't make sense to the person making the decisions either.

Get a good lawyer to help you through the process.

You and your husband are both going through a lot of grief processing right now. Hopefully both of you are going to get the support you need with this.

Little kids are surprisingly strong. Don't worry too much about them. As long as they have parents who love them and care for them, they can deal with quite a bit. Make life as much fun for them as you can - and have fun yourself. It is important.

The recovery process was going very well. He even went back to work part time 2 months after his heart failure, despite constant dizziness. He didn't have let go of any bad habits, the doc said he can do whatever a healthy person can do and no special diet either. I was surprised. Thus, he drinks rather frequent especially when he is out with someone else, never come home unless he was dead drunk. He was pissed that I called and messaged him while he was out, but I am afraid that he might pass out or die somewhere because he is still not 100% well. One of his coworkers called me one morning to see if he came home the night before because he was worried that my husband didn't go home but just wanted to party on.

He hates counseling so he even said no to the doc when offered. Now they are forcing him to go but I think it is too late for couple counseling now because he said he doesn't love me anymore and he feels that he never will again. He just wants his freedom.

Stupid me for loving him. I could have just not save him 7 months ago and now I would have gotten 1 mil for life insurance instead of rescuing him just so that he can do this to me. When my mom passed, I had to go home without him because he said he is not fit for taking long flights. Thus I brought one of my kids with me. Last week, I found out that during one of the nights that I was gone, he had his dad watched my other baby and he just went out to a concert. When I found out, he said he saw nothing wrong with that. I said I just lost my mom, I am mourning. How could he do that to me at a time like this. He said he can't see the problem at all. He is like a totally different person after he got sick.

He could well still be in the grief process following the heart failure. Counselling may help him.

In the meantime, you need to move on with your own life with your children.

On the upside, he did make sure someone was home with your youngest child while he went out to a concert. That was good.

There are a lot of therapists out there. You would not be the first person to change and go to another one.

I'm sure you can delight in your little ones, yes? Whatever their triumphs are, their humor. They can help, you know, in their own way.

Sometimes the realization that life is short, may result in people indulging in things ( desires, goals, etc) that they wouldn't have before. It's actually common in middle age and after a serious illness. This is something he needs to figure out for himself. I've seen people go through such crises, and lose things worth keeping (as they realize later). Things will only get worse if, he perceives you as standing in his way, or trying to shame or guilt him into staying. If he doesn't want counseling...let him go. Ask yourself if this is what you want? Feeling rejected is tricky. Do you really want someone who is not able to satisfy your needs? Are you ok with that? Do you not deserve better? Believe me, this is not the end for you. There is a big wide world out there with people who can make you happier. Don't live in the past . Tell him you hope he finds what he needs , and tell him you will certainly try to find that for your own person. I love this saying: when somebody loves love, nothing can keep them from you. When someone doesn't, they'll find any reason to leave. Think of a life filled with new and even better possibilities.

Hun I have tried to kill myself as a consequence of hard times I experienced in life. But that is not the solution. You kill yourself why? To escape pain? Hurt? Disappointment! Listen very closely sometimes in life we make choices that are not the best and at times life tries to place us back on the right track. sometimes it may mean losing people, or being disappointed, or being hurt! Not everything we want is what we need. You want to kill yourself cause your husband wants a separation but yet you have admitted to how awful he treats you and would you rather live through that for the rest of your life? Why are you treating this as a loss? If your husband treats you badly and I am not supporting divorce or separation but you are getting a chance to be happy. I'll tell you this, one time I was in love with a guy head over heals he was my first. Found out he was married, had kids and lied about his age he was 10 years older. I was hurt beyond belief. When we had sex the first time he never called for a month and I was only 22 he was 32 imagine the pain. Anyway I found out he was married and I met his wife to assure her that I would not be an issue. His wife kept in touch with me I guess she knew I felt as hurt as she did, she would cry to me weird I know! Anyways I eventually lost contact with both. Years later I met his wife who told me that my ex her husband gave her an STD, that he was prostituting yes you heard me and he was living with another woman. The point in trying to make at that time I was hurt cause I thought my life was over but my life was actually saved. I loved him yes but I escaped that I feel sorry for his wife. Don't feel sad for the present sometimes a disappointment is a blessing. A chance to be genuinely happy than to be trapped with sadness. Your mom is gone I'm sorry for that but you are here and your not gone. Don't end your life cause someone caused you pain it makes you stronger. Don't be weak! you never know you may actually meet someone who lives you and can make the pain go away! Give yourself that chance!

Yes he's right..
Surely you don't want to waste the rest of your life staying with a miserable old grump? A lot of women who are stuck in loveless marriages would ENVY you for getting your freedom!
My sister was stuck in a marriage like that for 17 years, she wanted a divorce but he said- "I can't be bothered to file, you do it if you like", so she had to go through all the hassle of hiring a lawyer and everything herself to finally get divorced.
So look on the bright side, your hub is doing all the paperwork and at the end of it you'll be free to find yourself a real man who appreciates you and will treat you like a queen just like your mum would want..

From your posts I can't figure out if your against your Sis or pro. Maybe you don't know either.

Well she was a right bee-yatch for most of her life, she's made some attempt to improve this past few years but she's still got a long way to go.
For the record I liked my brother-in-law (everybody did), but she nagged him continually and blew a perfectly good marriage apart. He went straight out and married a woman down the road 5 minutes later without batting an eye, but no man would touch my sister because they'd all heard about her.
I told her many years ago- "you're possessed by a demon", but she thought I was joking..

I thought you said he was a drunkard and fooled around on her.

Nah, he liked a drink but he wasn't a drunkard or he'd never have been able to hold down his job as a manager at Dunlop.
And even though he smoked like a chimney and gambled a lot, he never ever kept her and his kids short of cash.
And he never messed with other women as far as i know
Like I said, the devil got into her and pulled her strings to make her break up a perfectly good marriage, it's what he DOES!

You ever heard of a functional alcoholic? Many alcoholics can hold down a job...but usually treat their spouses poorly.

People die soon enough, there is no need to be in any sort of a hurry about it. With very few exceptions by the time anybody is old enough to have two children, they've become valuable to the world and would be missed.