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I stalled, missed my chance; need to do something bold!

 
 
Reply Fri 28 Mar, 2014 10:21 pm
There's a great girl I came to briefly know. I always liked her but never had the courage to approach her seriously, with confidence. I've been distant for the longest time as I was always waiting for the right time. I'd guess she thinks I'm strange at this point.

We both finish classes this week and I heard she's maybe moving away if she gets accepted for a job. I figure I'll see her on campus once or twice this week.

Should I just approach her, be straight and bold? I feel I need to take a chance and cut to the point instead of dancing around and feeling it out. It feels like a moment I need to man up for once or I'll regret it.

Any advice?
 
anonymously99
 
  -2  
Reply Fri 28 Mar, 2014 11:41 pm
@fireface,
If it's meant to be then it's meant to be.

Don't chase love. Let love find you.

If you come across someone and "click within time" with one another the situation being unplanned then I believe that it must be meant to be.

I don't believe in stalking someone doing whatever you feel you must to make them like and/or fall in love with you. In the end you'll be disappointed.

I do believe in finding someone you want but if there's no chemistry then there's nothing. You would have to move on.
fireface
 
  1  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 12:10 am
@anonymously99,
I don't either. It's not about love or making someone like me. I just want to talk to her.

I've talked to her before. I liked what she was about. I'll admit I only know a few things about her. But she's someone I think would be great to talk to again.

anonymously99
 
  0  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 11:14 am
@fireface,
You're soft hearted but pissed off.

You're not much for conversation. Because you're one of those people. There are women similar to not being much for conversation but not as many as there should be.

I imagine you're hurting.

I personally wouldn't be here, this site if my head would had never been messed with. Everything happens for a reason, right.

Very good. possibility I could be wrong about you.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 11:16 am
By all means, go talk to her.

The other poster is our resident nutcase, don't pay any mind.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 11:21 am
@fireface,
What do you hope to accomplish by approaching her at the end of the session?
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 11:23 am
@ehBeth,
Personally, I look at it as "who knows?"

It won't hurt any to talk to her, and might end up being something positive.

I don't know that the conversation has to accomplish anything, but it might.

Some of the best things in life have happened to me when I wasn't trying to accomplish anything.

What might be accomplished is learning not to stall so much, and try something bold.

The more times you do bold things, the easier it gets.
anonymously99
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 11:29 am
@chai2,
Quote:
The other poster is our resident nutcase, don't pay any mind.


You weaken me.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 11:35 am
As an aside....

There are so many threads started by people of all ages, but especially the young, that boil down to the problem of "should I reach out and make contact with this other person?"

Looking back, so many of the regrets I have in life (regrets, I've had a few, but then again, to few to mention) most of the time I think "Why didn't I just DO it?"

Why didn't I just talk to the person, I wish I had.
Why didn't I try that, I wish I did.

Embarrassment is completely overblown as a consequence of actions, when it's a momentary thing that won't be remembered very far in the future, if at all.
Many times when I have done something that would have embarrassed others, I've gotten the feedback of "I wish I'd done/said that"

Conversely, how many times have you talked to someone, and later thought "I wish I'd never done that." Not often or at all I bet.



chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 11:37 am
@anonymously99,
anonymously99 wrote:


You weaken me.


I do nothing of the sort.

Don't blame me for your insanity.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 11:38 am
@chai2,
I can't get a sense from the original post why he wants to talk to her - other than she's great.

Does he want to date her? well, too late for that if she's moving away.

Does he want to tell her he thinks she's great? well, cool, but whatever.

___

After I left my hometown to go to university I came back for a social grad event. A former classmate approached me to tell me that he'd really liked me and wished he'd asked me out. I could never figure out why he did that - it just annoyed me a bit - why did he tell me he was interested after it was clear I was done with that place? everyone's mileage on this sort of thing varies - I found it annoying and decades later still think it was a strange thing for him to do.
0 Replies
 
anonymously99
 
  0  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 11:41 am
@chai2,
This man who started this thread is afraid.

No. He shouldn't be, should had never been.

Because it has led to this day. And the fact he started this thread.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 11:44 am
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:

Conversely, how many times have you talked to someone, and later thought "I wish I'd never done that." Not often or at all I bet.


I disagree. Not just in a romantic sense. There are some online acquaintances that I really really wish I'd never been convinced to meet up with in real life . I knew I wasn't going to like them and I didn't. I truly regret not standing my ground in those cases. I'm less of a go-along to get-along person now and life is much more relaxing. Getting rid of that piece of 'be a nice girl' socialization has been tremendous.
anonymously99
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 11:45 am
@chai2,
Quote:
I do nothing of the sort.
Don't blame me for your insanity.


I'm starting to think you
A. Are truly a numnut,
And/or
B. Are flirting with me.

You like to confuse? Or do you not understand.
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  4  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 11:51 am
@fireface,
fireface, first of all the best advice is first completely ignore anything anonymously99 has to say. That advice will get you no where. Secondly you already know what you need to do, so it is a little silly asking what you should do.

It might already be too late really. If she is aware of you and all this time you have said nothing or attempted to make your relationship with her stronger then she is going to wonder why you waited so long.

It is similar to finding a job. You need to make a good first impression. Not linger around waiting to get up the nerve to ask for a job. I know people will hate this analogy but they hate it because it's true. The same response for a job interview happens with dating. The person doesn't care if you are qualified for the job, they want to see what your personality is like. If you have a terrible personality, lack confidence and can't make up your mind or make choices, chances are you will be a crappy employee.

It doesn't matter if you have dated someone in the past. It is all about who you are now and what type of person you are. If you wait then it shows you lack any confidence. It is not attractive at all. The fact that you came here to ask what you do means you lack the ability to be yourself spontaneously to what ever happens if you approach her. You want a dead locked step by step process and relationships don't work that way.

The fact that you know she might be moving away already says you know too much about her at this point to all of a sudden want to start something with her. Unless she has absolutely no relationship prospects you really have no chance to really make a good impression at this point.

My over all advice is, if you are attracted to someone and you really want to get to know them or possibly see them as a potential romance, you shouldn't hesitate at all. Jump right in and get to know them, ask them out, flirt, make them laugh and show interest. It is better than looking down at your feet, pushing your toes into the ground and cramming your hands into your pockets while your face turns red as she's asking you what you want.
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 11:55 am
@Krumple,
A much nicer way of saying what I think Smile
anonymously99
 
  -1  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 12:00 pm
@Krumple,
Not all women are the same old timer.
anonymously99
 
  -1  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 12:02 pm
@ehBeth,
Quote:
A much nicer way of saying what I think


Eh?
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 12:07 pm
@anonymously99,
anonymously99 wrote:

Not all women are the same old timer.


Actually EVERYONE is the same. We have innate psychological behavior that underlines our "WILL". How we behave is based on experience and reactions to past experiences.

The reason we fear rejection is because thousands of years ago, being rejected meant your death. It is inbred into us to seek acceptance. So this causes social fear. It also means if a potential mate doesn't accept you then chances are none will and ultimately your genes will not be passed on.

Well today we really don't have to worry about being cast out unless you really become an outcast legally. But you still need to learn how to cope with these innate behaviors.

Everyone is the same, regardless if you want to accept that or not. Some have learned how to over come their social fears while others haven't. That is the only difference. And to be honest, you really never get over them, you just learn better ways of dealing with it.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sat 29 Mar, 2014 12:10 pm
@ehBeth,
ehBeth wrote:

chai2 wrote:

Conversely, how many times have you talked to someone, and later thought "I wish I'd never done that." Not often or at all I bet.


I disagree. Not just in a romantic sense. There are some online acquaintances that I really really wish I'd never been convinced to meet up with in real life . I knew I wasn't going to like them and I didn't. I truly regret not standing my ground in those cases. I'm less of a go-along to get-along person now and life is much more relaxing. Getting rid of that piece of 'be a nice girl' socialization has been tremendous.


I agree with you ehBeth. I have met people from online that I just as soon wished I hadn't. Do I regret it. No. Regret is a much bigger thing for me.

The thing is, you (and me) knew in our minds we didn't want to meet them. We should have gone with our minds, and either not done the nice thing, or be convinced. I guess some could call that a regret. I reserve that word for bigger things. Something that is unrepairable. I feel more of "well, that was a waste of time" and gets me back on track. There's been few times I've gone ahead and done something that still has repercussions in my life. That's what I call regret.

This person wants to talk to this person though, and if it doesn't work out, then no harm done. He can look back and say, "Well, I did it and I'm glad." Otherwise he might always wonder "what if"

 

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