I stalled, missed my chance; need to do something bold!

Your and my maturity level, mentality, thinking process, etc is nothing alike. 
You hold my age against me.
You hold my gender against me.
You hold my past behavior, along with my past mistakes against me.
You hold the fact that I have claimed I have suffered severe depression my entire life against me, you not believing, you not understanding, similar like feelings. You choose to refuse. 
You think I am easily fooled, that you can easily fool me.
There's more. I'm stating the obvious.

I need to understand that just because someone messed with my head, whose energy is strong enough to interfere with my life, does not mean they are the love of my life. I believe he who has messed with my head in the past was guidance to knowledge.

You hold my past ignorance against me.

You're a tool.

Should I take that as a compliment.

I truly believe you will live a beautiful life if you reach out, if you live your life to glorify the Holy Spirit, God, and Jesus Christ. To finally actually understand the birth of Jesus means more to me than I feel words can describe.
It is as if God gave us, the people on earth, a miracle that some people choose to refuse to understand.

I don't find anything wrong with I using you or anyone else as a decoy.

If I were in love with you I feel I would be more than your submissive fool.