3
   

Update! Asks me out after rejecting promposal

 
 
mandophon
 
  2  
Reply Tue 18 Feb, 2014 09:06 pm
@chai2,
so in the sense, you're saying. by messing up, you show in that you're not perfectly and in a way shows you for who you actually are? And it's up to the girl to decide if they want to take it or leave it.

Lol are you serious? some guy actually described what toilets he used in Europe. That alone literally made me feel so much better! Razz
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Feb, 2014 09:16 pm
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:
Messes are fun. It shows us for who we are.


could be. It's not how I like to start things off.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Feb, 2014 09:17 pm
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:
What if after that time you realize you're not a good fit? Now you've wasted all that time you could have been having fun getting to know someone else.


the theory is that you'll have had a good time at the movie/concert whatever even if you turn out not to be a good fit

again, not my way of going at it. I like to banter/debate too much.
mandophon
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Feb, 2014 09:23 pm
@ehBeth,
at first I was planning to go with movies but I thought better of it. Movies are for later on when you're actually a couple imo. Because what a movie is is essentially two hours of two people sitting in a dark room watch a screen with no interaction...good talk for after but not ideal for first date imo.

Anyone agree/disagree?
mandophon
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Feb, 2014 09:43 pm
@chai2,
I assume kissing on first date is off the table?
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Feb, 2014 10:29 pm
@mandophon,
mandophon wrote:

so in the sense, you're saying. by messing up, you show in that you're not perfectly and in a way shows you for who you actually are? And it's up to the girl to decide if they want to take it or leave it.



and it's up to you if you want to take or leave the girl. You're part of this you know. And she's trying to make an impression too.

you keep making out like the other person is untouchable/perfect.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Feb, 2014 10:30 pm
@ehBeth,
ehBeth wrote:

chai2 wrote:
Messes are fun. It shows us for who we are.


could be. It's not how I like to start things off.


I'm not saying something huge, like getting in a car accident, or vomiting on someone.

So what if you spill your milk when you pour it in your coffee, or get some spinach in your teeth?
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Feb, 2014 10:37 pm
@mandophon,
mandophon wrote:

I assume kissing on first date is off the table?


Why would you say that?

There are no hard and fast rules.

I've had first dates where I didn't even kiss the guy good night, and others where I had sex with him, and still others at some point in between.

At your age, I'd leave out the sex part.

Go get a coffee with her at Starbucks, then go to a movie, and if it's working well, get something to eat afterwards.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Feb, 2014 10:39 pm
@mandophon,
mandophon wrote:

Lol are you serious? some guy actually described what toilets he used in Europe. That alone literally made me feel so much better! Razz


Yeah. He sure didn't get a kiss goodnight.

This was pre-cell phones, and a few months went by, like 5 or 6, and I came home to find a message from him on my answering machine.

Call did not get returned.

So there you have it. Don't talk about toilets and your golden.
0 Replies
 
mandophon
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Feb, 2014 10:48 pm
@chai2,
I'm asking her tomorrow at work. Not replying back on this thread until I got an answer.
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2014 01:04 am
@mandophon,
Works for me. Don't give up if you pick another night that was already planned, ask her what day works for her & her
mandophon
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2014 06:06 pm
@glitterbag,
so was at work today, I think my inital plan to ask her out at work wasn't the smartest idea. Seeing how there was little time for me to actually say it.

So what happened was that I started saying how I was sorry for friday for turning you down but I ended up only saying "I was sorry for friday." She thought I meant that I was sorry for promposing to her so she asked me "Why are you sorry? You shouldn't be!" Then I asked if she was free tomorrow just as the rest of the guys come to us and she said "I'm never free, you kidding? School and work?" she pauses for a second and adds. "I'm free weekends though." So that was an obvious hint right?

So we're in the changeroom and I ask her. (shoot me if you want to) "Saturday sounds fine?" and then she said "umm Idk." I know I didn't really put my all into this ask out but I'm planning to set it straight tomorrow at school. I think it was I picked a poor time to ask her out. I should have done it at school, not at work. Honestly, I think I left her more confused then offended but I'm planning to set it straight tomorrow after first period. I have a spare then and when she's leaving class I'm going to put in my all.

If she's walking out with a friend, I'll ask to talk to her in private, I'll walk to her class and go from there:

1) I'm not sorry for friday, what i am sorry for is that I didn't take you up on your offer for doing something for valentines.

2) This saturday, movie and dinner at *address here*

What do you guys think of my horrifc performance and my attempt to set things straight once and for all.

I think that I wasn't mentally prepared for it, the workplace has alot of unpredictable elements. (today, I had to cover another co workers area because he was late, adding more stress) you get the point.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2014 06:30 pm
@mandophon,
I agree with you re the movie possibly being a poor idea (depends, naturally). I agree w/ Chai re coffee first if you do a movie.

My first date, at twelve, was a true misery. He stunned me by asking me to go to a movie. Must have had a crush on me, looking back, but that didn't occur to me then. We were both shy of each other. He picked me up at our house and we walked two blocks up to the bus stop. In that time I asked him all the questions I'd figured out to say, including a real clunker - do you like to play basketball? He happened to be quite short. I happened to know it was basketball season. In retrospect, I look back and remember he had a handsome cousin who was much taller than he was, who sent me a valentine with a satin heart in fourth grade, this now being seventh.

We got on the bus, and said no more throughout the date, except some polite stuff when he brought me to our door. The movie was Taza, Son of Chochise, this being very long ago.

The good thing is, I got my lifetime bad date over with very early. It was both of our problem, two shyer than shy people. Life got much better. I learned to talk at last, and I suppose he did too.
mandophon
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2014 06:35 pm
@ossobuco,
You think asking her out straight up again is a lost cause though?
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2014 06:40 pm
@mandophon,
I don't think you did badly.

I would not bring up the apologizing for Friday again. You already said sorry, now drop it. If you brought it up to me again, I'd be thinking "oh God, how many times is he going to bring that up.

Move forward with optimism at this point.

Since she seemed hesitant re Saturday, maybe bring it up like this...."If you like to (fill in the blank), would Saturday be better for you, or Sunday?"

You'll more likely get a positive response by presenting her with 2 choices (no not being one of them Wink )

When you're trying to sell something (you in this case) present her with choices that end up going out with you in either event.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2014 06:42 pm
@mandophon,
Nooo, I didn't mean that. I'm all for it. Just not sure about a movie, or a movie without going for coffee or similar to talk more first, the first time you'll really get to talk by yourselves.

What do you all like to do where you live? go for a walk? go to the zoo? look at art?(whatever..). I'm thinking walking and talking, or sitting and talking.
mandophon
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2014 06:48 pm
@chai2,
ight, no mentioning the past.

******** Hows this. " Hey *girls name, I'd like to take you out to a movie and dinner this weekend, would that interest you?"

then if she says shes interested, then I ask her which day works for her better.

(******) man, that's what a girl friend of mine came up with...and I was going in pieces...what a f*cking idiot...
mandophon
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2014 06:52 pm
@ossobuco,
lol what about switching it then, dinner and then movie? Razz
tbh, i dont really hang out in my neighbourhood much outside of my house. Got no friends there, I literally go down three blocks where all my guys live and we jsut chill at one of their houses
0 Replies
 
mandophon
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2014 06:56 pm
@mandophon,
ya... also, if i WAS planning to ask her for dinner and mini golf, i know a plaza that has both but the last time i played mini gof was when i was seven and i remembered i sucked balls at it.

I changed it to movies and dinner, you think thats a wise choice? dont show ur weakness on the first date right?
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2014 07:06 pm
@mandophon,
Dude, you're still way overthinking this. Relax, if you can. Remember that this person and you are getting to know one another. Allow the fun of getting to know each other take over. It's not what you're doing that matters much 'cause it's about sharing the special gift of friendship. I'd only suggest finding an activity that doesn't rely SOLELY on talking the entire time. Likewise, on the first date, not picking one activity where not talking any of the time (like a movie) is the single activity of the date.
 

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