doglover wrote:Right now, my heart and my gut are about dead even.
That is good. Listen to the gut feelings. Your intuition is trying to tell you something.
doglover wrote:I know this feeling can't last. I'm beginning to think I'm suffering from a case of the 7 year itch...10 years after.
That's entirely possible. These things don't always happen on a 7-year timetable. It hit me around 15 years. It can happen anytime.
doglover wrote:I know that if he lived closer, we would have most likely gotten together by now. The distance, my hesitation and the fact he has business commitments have helped to postpone our getting together.
Keep it up!
doglover wrote:This sure feels like fate. Is God testing me? I don't think falling in love is a decision you make. It's an emotion you can't control. You can't make yourself fall in love with someone by willing it nor can you fall out of love with someone by willing it. Can't love be divided and not be diminished? Do you think there is such a thing as chemistry between two people?
I happen to believe in God, and yes, I knew I was being tested. I had never really been tempted before. Physically, yes, but as you said before, that's nothing compared with a full blown emotional affair. This is the REAL test. You are wrong..."falling in love" CAN be controlled. No, the feelings can't, but your actions can.
One of three things will happen. It's all within your control.
First, you can give in to the feelings. You'll probably have a glorious time for awhile. Then the guilt will set in, and you'll be terribly confused. Your marriage will be seriously threatened. It may end. It will certainly be damaged. So you go through months/years of counseling and rebuilding trust.
Or...what if you left your husband and married/lived with the new guy. It might be a disaster. But for the sake of argument, let's say things worked out great. Still, in time you'd get used to each other and settle down into an everyday routine like you have with your current husband. Do you really want to keep changing partners for the rest of your life, or do you value a long-term relationship? Personally, I doubt things would be as good as you've already got it. Two cheaters don't often make a long-lasting pair. You might end up alone.
Second, you can break off all communication with him. It will be a huge sacrifice. You may have feelings of resentment toward your marriage as a result.
Third, you can decide to love this guy at a reasonable distance without having sex. You'll be frustrated for awhile, but still able to enjoy the attention, the laughter, the glow, and the escape for as long as it lasts. You'll feel 20 years old, all over again. And when it is over, you may come out of it with a friend for life. And best of all, it won't necessarily affect your marriage.
doglover wrote:Why would I take a chance like that? I'll tell ya why. This guy flatters me. He makes me feel special. He compliments me. We have the same sense of humor. We laugh like mad. He's an escape from the day to day world of jobs, money, groceries...etc. My hubby pays lots of attention to me. But, for some reason, I don't feel as special when he says nice things to me or compliments me as when the other guy does. Why is that? Do I suffer from low self esteem? I don't think I do, but it would explain a lot of things. I don't know... [/b][/color]
All of this sounds very familiar. My friend and I had that, too. Still do, in a way, although the novelty has worn off. It's wonderful, isn't it?! Who WOULDN'T like all of that! Enjoy it! Just keep it at a safe distance so it doesn't screw up your life.
I remember a time when my friend and I were in the thick of it and he complimented me on handling something well. He said, "You're a good girl." (I was in my 40s.) I remember thinking, "Oh! I haven't been a girl for a very, very long time...but THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for making me feel like one!"
