Can An Internet Connection Become Real Love?

Damn, Jespah, don't be spreadin' that stuff aroun' . . . what if Beth finds out ? ! ? ! ?

DL, aren't you married?

Oops, sorry Set! :wink:

Wow, Jer, I'm impressed! "I don't believe in "soul mates" as an exclusive thing. There are millions of absolutely amazing people on earth that one could have an amazing relationship with (they'd all just be a little different). So I don't think that a "soul mate" is likely."
I believe that too. Most people think I'm a cynic, but I think I know better!
But for those of you who believe you have one, more power to ya!

I have one for each soul.....

Yes I am...and happy for the most part. He is married too...but unhappily.

The situation I'm in is not something I went looking for. He simply sent me a IM and, from the first few words we exchanged, we clicked. We had a chemistry. I had never experienced that with anyone online before. He said from the moment he came upon me in a political chat room and looked at my profile, I had his attention. That was three months ago. At first, the friendship was fun. But, over time, our conversations have become much deeper and serious in tone. The past three weeks, strong feelings have developed and I think about him constantly...as does he me. Over the weekend, he told me he thinks he's fallen in love with me.

I have no one with whom I can discuss this with. That's what makes the situation all the more difficult. I don't believe in chance. I think everyone of substance in our lives is there for a reason.So, I sit here and wonder: What is our connection all about?

Is an emotional affair the same as a physcial affair?

We both want him to come to Baltimore (he is in New Hampshire), but we know that saying goodbye would be like severing an arm.

do you really need 2 arms?

Nope. I'd say better and probably more important.

I'd say: Go for it! All is fair in love and war.

I think you can be emotionally connected with someone without letting it go beyond that. You say that you are more or less happily married, but he is quite unhappily married. You may want to think about the fact that he probably has way less to lose destoying his marriage than yours. Most often, people are far more charming on the 'net than in person. Now, I also do know a couple a recently married couple who met on a LOTR fansite, met at a gathering, and boom...however, they were both single.

DL - I would be pretty cautious.

I think that "real love" can grow from all sorts of situations - but remember that attraction tends to lead to that state of chemical insanity we call "being in love". We really are nutso in that state - and I think you need to think damned carefully before acting on this.

Also - I take it you have not met? How much that is verifiable do you know about this man?

As with any attraction you might have, you need to think about your priorities and overall goals.

I think at this point you have no idea whether this might turn into "real love" (however we might define that) or not. One question is, do you want to give it a chance to? Or not?

At this stage you are in, as far as I can tell, that odd sort of hyper-intimate fantasy stage that the net can provide.

I think the question is, as I said, do you wish to pursue it, in which case you would need to meet and such, no?

But - there are folk on this board with more relevant experience than I on this subject.

DL, I think you need to get your own house in order before you have the open house.

doglover, does the second sentence in that quote refer to your husband?

That's a pretty important piece of information regarding this issue.

I don't mean to rain on your parade, but that particular passage doesn't sound so good. Perhaps i am just an overly cautious type, but that line just sounds sinister to me. My sweetiepie and i got to know one another in a Yahood chat room, well enough to exchange regular e-mails, from whence the relationship really started. However, this was months after we had encountered one another on-line at another site, and after we had already struck up an acquaintance. We were in that chat room (a type of place to which neither of us goes very often) with on-line friends well known to us both.

Could be that i'm just too suspicious, but it also could be that i'm right to react this way--that statement is just too pat for my liking.

dys...I can always count on you to put a smile on my face. Thanks.

OCCOM BILL...I wish it were that easy.

cav...He does have a lot to lose. He has been married for 26 years, but his wife has personal problems she won't deal with. He does love her. He also has his kids (25 and 22) and a successful business. Like I said, neither of us was looking for this. We wanted to be additions to one another's hearts, not divide and hurt our spouses.

Why not just be there for each other without dragging two lives into it? It seems that support from a trusted friend might be better for him right now than starting a new, possibly problematic relationship.

I will offer my advice, and then keep my big yap shut. Do not meet him alone the first time you meet--go with a reliable friend, and insist on a public venue. Do not meet him alone until you've met on more than one occassion. Insist on "Dutch Treat," making sure that until you know this man well in person, that an assured distinction is made between "mine" and "thine."

OK, i'm done, no more suspicious comments from me.

Being completely ignorant on the topic, I hereby retract my earlier statement and refer all discretionary opinions by proxy to Setanta.

We already discussed the possible scenario's that would most likely go down when he flies in to BWI. One, we would meet at the airport bar (he doesn't drink...I do). Or, simply meet at a hotel near the airport. (Please, don't anyone have a heart attack). Neither of us is obligated to have sex, although, we have had many hot and heavy phone 'conversations'.

cav...that's just it. When I think things all the way through, I honestly don't think a few hours of passion are worth the internal longing, heartache and lonliness I will feel when he flies back to NH. Before he came into my life, I was content. Now I find myself drifting away from my hubby emotionally.

gus...my hubby loves me very much and is devoted to me. That's what makes me feel like such a creep.

OCCAM...I've had flings based on physcial attraction, no emotional involvement at all and those were MUCH easier.

DL, have you heard about the new Playboy coming out for married men? Every month they feature the same centerfold.

But seriously, here's my take. Like CJ, I think if you don't face up to the problems that are pulling you away from your husband you'll eventually have the same problem with your internet guy. And another thing, if he's willing to walk away from all those years of marriage and kids in a sprightly manner, what's to stop him from walking away from you in a sprightly manner?