Chemistry Connection is Overwhelming

Then you already know the answer.

Don't be a jerk about this, particularly as there is a child involved. Delete this woman's contact info, unfriend her on Facebook, stop following her on Twitter or Pinterest, throw out all of her texts, emails, gifts, or whatever.

Stop thinking about her and maybe start thinking about your child, who would really be screwed over if you and your wife went through a nasty divorce, and your bank account, which will take a major hit, too.

Oh, and your wife. You know, the person you pledged to love and be faithful to, and all of that stuff?

If you don't want to be with her anymore, then end your marriage. Getting a chippy on the side because you don't want to work on your marriage is just lowdown, selfish cheating.

That's about what I expected as a response, so nothing earth shattering. So is it selfish that a wife just does not have the interest or energy to have sex anymore? So even though we try I am supposed to go the rest of my life with virtually no sex? Divorce-not interested in that, prefer sex but if she doesn't care then what is a man supposed to do? I guess you have never had a major chemistry attraction that overwhelmed you?

'Course I've had chemical attractions. It doesn't mean I hurt people by acting on them. And this isn't about me, anyway. This is your question, your concern, your idea.

And, has your wife gotten a medical workup? Is she tired from taking care of a child all day (you don't mention your child's age, but a toddler is exhausting)? Do you help around the house at all?

Also, this woman might not be interested in the way you think she is. She is, after all, engaged to someone. Perhaps she's playing with fire. Maybe she wants to make her fiancé jealous. Maybe she wants to sleep with a ton of guys before she weds. Maybe she has - and is carrying a nasty little surprise with her.

Sorry that you're not interested in divorce, but if you do this, and you are caught (and a lot of people are; you're probably not being as careful as you think you are), who's to say that your wife won't be interested in it? It may very well find you.

I could never take up with any woman who was already spoken for; call me oldfashioned but I wouldn't like the idea of sharing her with another man

It's so interesting that when you are single you can go out and have all kinds of sex with different people and while the threat of 'little surpise' is always out there why is it so certain that 1 time cheating with 1 person guarantees they have a std? So everyone who is married ONLY/ALWAYS spend their entire life having sex with that one person? I realize that sentence theoretically is what we are all taught to do, but applying to real life over many years....I KNOW does not happen as a high percentage. I would only proceed if all clean, and fully discretion is agreed and no chance of partners finding out.

You've already made up your mind what you want to do, so why come here asking for advice and then arguing when we give it to you?

Yeah, that's the whole idea of marriage. If you are not happy with that, then don't get married. I've been married for almost 32 years and I've never even thought of sleeping with someone other than my wife. Do you know why? Because I LOVE HER. Which is why we got married.

Of course, you could always just sit down with your wife, tell her you want to have sex with others and maybe she will agree to have an open marriage where you can each go out and bang whoever you wish.

CR...another obvious reply...why are you on this site if you are married 32 years and never cheated....you can't offer any real insight. EVERYONE goes into marriage thinking no more sex with anyone but the spouse, but reality happens to a MAJORITY of marriages and you can't tell me different. If ver half are ending in divorce, what about those that get away with it? What about how sometimes it re-energizes a marriage. Can we truly give everything to that same person all the time for so many years? Maybe. You are doing it and that's great...are we all supposed to be YOU?

Meh, anyone here can answer any topic they want to.

But, yanno, if you want to go out and do whatever you want, I do urge you to come to an agreement with your wife. I'm sure you'll be perfectly fine with her doing your next door neighbor, your plumber, the guy who reads the meter, and the pool boy.

'Cause, you know, so many people aren't able to keep it in their pants.

I was hoping for some replies from women that may have had feelings like the woman in my situation. I was hoping for some perspective from a woman's point of view because it seems that this woman is similiar to me and that she is overwhelmed with the chemistry attraction. I would pursue her if not for being married and I believe she would do the same. It's like two people that are struck with this and both feel confused and sad in a way that we can't physically connect because society says we shouldn't.

Temptation is always out there..someone who truly loves you is not. The reason I don't cheat on my spouse is because I would not want to inflict pain and I would never risk losing my spouse (not because I care what society thinks). I know you're not getting the response you expected. That doesn't invalidate your feelings of frustration but cheating is not the only way out. If you're at the point of considering an affair..you have more than likely decided your wife is not that important to you. Talk to her. The outcome may surprise you.

So I basically have to beg my wife for sex? I am finding it hard to understand why she doesn't want it. I can get NOT as often as I prefer, but once a month will not cut it for me. So, why is the fact that I feel neglected not important? At some point most guys and I would think most women would start to look elsewhere if they are not getting ANY sex at all. Does marriage mean...ok no more sex? I don't know of any man who would sign up for that and these days probably most women. So the issues are twofold (1) Wife not into sex like I am and (2) The chemistry attraction with this other woman is overwhelming. I have normal attractions to other women all the time, but I don't think about straying...except for this one woman...that is the dilemma...it's powerful and impossible to ignore and just expect it to go away.

Of course it is obvious. That is why it is the advice everyone is giving you. It is also the correct advice. You just don't want to hear it because you are looking for us to help you justify what you want to do.

This is a relationship forum, not a cheaters forum. But even if it were, if I or anyone else wants to be here to give advice, it is perfectly fine. Again, the only reason you are getting so defensive is that you do not want to hear what we are all saying.

Of course I can. And I did.

I will agree that a majority of marriages end in divorce, but I'm not so sure about the cheating aspect being a part of a majority of marriages. But lets say I agree with you. Just because it happens in a majority of marriages is not a reason to justify you cheating on your spouse. Again, you are looking for any reason to help you justify what you want to do. Everyone else does it is not a reason.

I've never known a marriage where one spouse cheats and then the couple claims that it re-energized their marriage. If you think that will be the case, why don't you ask your wife if she would mind if you had an affair in order to re-energize your marriage and see her response? If she is cool with it, then go for it. There, for the second time today I've suggested a way for you to get your piece of ass on the side.

Of course we can. People do it all the time. Just another attempt by you to justify cheating.

Absolutely not. Very few people are as perfect as I am. But just because you cannot be expected to be like me is not a reason to walk away from your wedding vows. If you want someone else then divorce your wife and then get all the sex you want from whomever you want.

Look, I don't care a lick about what you decide to do. I've given you advice based on my moral compass. Others have done the same. And surprise, it is the same advice. You can go screw anyone you want. We don't care. You asked for advice and you've been given it.

No, of course not.


If you have an issue with not getting enough sex, the answer is not to seek it elsewhere. Talk to your wife. Have her check with her doctor to make sure there is no medical reason she does not feel like sex. Go to a counselor. In other words, work on the problem. That is what married people do.

So tell your wife about the "chemistry attraction" and maybe she will give you permission to get it on with this other woman. Heck, maybe she will tell you about this guy that she has a "chemistry attraction" to and you can come to an agreement with her.

CR---so glad that your life is so perfect and so clearly black and white. I am so sure the entire world functions as you do. I have not cheated but I am considering it and I don't need any justification. I don't just want another piece of ass...I want this particular woman because the attraction is so intense. It's impossible to go through life where this kind of situation will not potentially happen for some people and it's happening now and I just wanted a woman's perspective on why this other woman is giving me these strong signals and seems conflicted. I am seeking some additional experienced insight in a form titled CHEATING...so not too sure where you are categorizing it as RELATIONSHIPS in general.

Maybe the strong signals are coming from your groin.

Maybe you just don't understand the way A2K works. So let me enlighten you. Look at the tags underneath the title of your thread. You'll notice it says "Relationships, Marriage, Cheating." So you see, I saw your thread under the Relationships forum. BUT, even had I been in the Cheating forum and seen it does not mean I cannot offer advice simply because I have never cheated. So please get over the whole idea that I should not be responding to you. It only makes you look silly.

If it did we would have fewer problems, but that is beside the point.

Look back at the posts. Everyone is basically telling you to forget about this other woman as long as you are married. (Or, alternately, get permission from your wife to cheat on her.) And yet you keep responding in an argumentative fashion. The only reason for you to do so is because you wish to have others sympathize with you and agree that you should cheat. Again, we don't care what you do. Take our advice or leave it. But you are only fooling yourself by continuing to claim that you are not trying to justify what you desire to do.

And if you only wanted a woman's perspective, you could have said so right up front and I for one probably would not have responded at all.

Who knows why women do what they do? I can tell you that nobody on A2K, whether male or female, can answer the above question. Why don't you call her up and ask her why. I'm thinking she will have no idea what you are talking about because this whole thing with her is simply your imagination running wild, possibly because of the dissatisfaction you are experiencing at hom. She probably has no real interest in you at all.

You said that much more concisely than I did at the end of my last response. You really know how to turn a phrase.

Yeah - this is a case of the grass is always greener.

It is normal be attracted to someone else, but that is all it is - she could likely lose her appeal once you become involved. Not worth giving up a family that you care and love. I am assuming you love your wife...if so is it really worth it for a little affair? You may not plan on leaving your spouse, but do you really think it is fair for you to cheat on her? If you care about her at all you wouldn't. How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Would you leave her if she cheated on you?

No it isn't fair - but doesn't it make more sense to work on your marriage and solve the problem. How is having an affair going to solve the problem. You are a grown up - grown ups work together to solve problems not run away from them.

And I think pretty much every adult with a pulse has had a sexual attraction with someone other than their spouse. However, most mature people in that situation know the importance of their marriage, vows and love and thus do not give in to pure animal urges. That is something that makes us different than animals.