My son's coach is an asshole.

learning how to fix problem thgv is not mommy taking care of problem thgv....

I am not necessarily advocating doing nothing, but am suggesting stepping lightly.

Considering the wide range of "adult" choices voiced here, it's not at all difficult to see how a 12 year old would need guidance in a situation like this.

If this was one comment, I'd let it go. If this coach constantly uses your son's pet's death to motivate/harass your son, then get involved. In fact, he should be reported to his superiors.

Absolutely, Punkey.

UPDATE: Mo and I were out doing back to school shopping today so it was the perfect opportunity to talk this over. I started by suggesting he talk to the coach and he gave me his reasons for not being comfortable with that. I suggested he talk to Friend and he gave me his reasons for being uncomfortable with that. I asked if he wanted me to talk to the coach and he said "Yes". I told him that Mr. B thought it was a bad idea but he said he really wanted help so I told him what I was going to say and how I was going to handle it.

So I drive him to practice and park right by where I know Coach always parks and waited for him to arrive. He drives up and parks and I walk up to him and he say "I know why you're here and I'm sorry." (!)

I asked how he knew and he said Friend and Brother called him on it last night (!) telling him he'd been a jerk. He told me it wouldn't happen again. We talked for a bit and left on good terms.

Things went really, really well. I hope things stay going well.

Even though it looks like everything was under control I'm glad I followed my gut and spoke up in Mo's defense.

Before I went I told Mr. B what I was going to do. He wasn't happy about it but I told him I had to do what I felt was right.

Here's hoping I don't have another fire to put out!

He's known me for six years. He'd never have fallen for the "blonde" thing!

You might need to change the title of the thread.

Friend was way more perceptive than I gave him credit for!

You know, you're right, it really was sadistic.



I think you're absolutely right. There have been some other things that have happened but it was easy for Mo to remove himself from those situations.

Holding off might have been a good plan. I just always like to head-butt problems and clear the air as fast as possible. I've never been one to let things fester. I might need to learn to have a bit more patience.

This really makes me think of the whole "damned if you do, damned if you don't" aspect of parenting.

If you aren't paying attention you're a bad parent, if you are paying attention you're a bad parent.

Kids do need help through these things. That's why we don't send them off to live on their own at 12. Parenting has to be more proactive than picking up the pieces when things go wrong.

Actually, Mo did end up handling it himself.

Dad/Coach became abusive/assholish during the time Mo and Friend were hanging out. Mo went home. Chances are good that Friend and Brother challenged Dad after Mo left. Leaving was, in fact, all that needed to be done.

Those bullies are tiny little bugs.

Wow. That's an excellent observation.

I think my brain just made a little "boing" sound.

The beauty of A2K is that you can get so many valid perspectives. Even when you don't agree with a post it lets you know there are alternative ways to view things. Thinking through the posts that urged me to not say anything probably led me more to saying something than the posts that agreed with my position.

You're right!

I guess I missed exactly what the coach said. No, he can't walk away. Teach him (Mo) how to not empower a bully. I'm sorry, I don't know enough about all of this to give detailed advice. Probably not qualified either. How old is Mo? Makes a big difference.

Wow, great conclusion. I'm really glad you were there though. It really drove home the point. It's one thing when your kids get on you but when a parent is waiting in your parking space that makes a statement. Nice job Boomer. That's one of those parenting tests you remember.

Thank you!

I know I'll remember it. I hope Mo remembers it too.

I said:


And I said Mo is 12.

If you tried the "blonde" thing, there'd be plenty of us to kick your ass about it.

Absolutely super, Boomer. You've always seemed like a real heads up Mom, but even if you weren't I think that you've helped Mo to learn one of the most important things in life - facing up to a problem instead of ignoring it. I think we all think that these tough situations are always gonna go south but if a body is honest and fair there aren't too many adults that will fail to see that.

Keep doing what you did and you'll be the role model he will always remember and follow.

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!

I am with Ed, Boomer needed to do nothing because the coach proved to be a stand up guy.