24
   

My son's coach is an asshole.

 
 
hawkeye10
 
  3  
Reply Mon 19 Aug, 2013 11:12 pm
@Thomas,
I know you are funning but this is a good time to point out that Boomer is one of the more open minded people around here. more would be good. I say this with full knowledge that she does not always think much of me but she will always give everyone one listen and is never mean.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Aug, 2013 07:09 am
@Thomas,
You've been talking to Chai, haven't you?
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Aug, 2013 07:10 am
@hawkeye10,
Wow, hawkeye. Thank you.
glitterbag
 
  3  
Reply Tue 20 Aug, 2013 03:45 pm
@boomerang,
Boomer, I've been thinking about this since others have responded, and I believe it's a larger issue than just a mom speaking up for her son. I think the bottom line is that bullies need to be checked. I can remember stepping in when my younger brother was bullied, even though I'm female my 7 year advantage usually took care of the gender issue. When we became adults, my brother would intercede on my behalf when situations became dicey. I've seen co-workers take a manager to task if his/her behaviour was overly and unnecessarily cruel towards one of the group. As a manager I've had to diffuse employee conflicts before it could permeate the entire workforce. Bullies in all walks of life contribute nothing but tension, resentment and fear.

Personally, I hate to dine out with others when someone starts to treat the waitstaff like crap. If I see tables being particularly nasty to a waiter or waitress I try to let the manager know, not so the manager will toss the jerks out, but to hopefully mitigate any damage to the reputation of the waitstaff. I'm certainly not a hero and I don't go looking for bullies, but we should all do our part to enforce a sense of acceptable behaviour, dare I say politeness in public places.

What I'm trying to say is, I don't think you were babying mo by talking to Coach. I think we all do this when we encounter unfair treatment. Actually, I think a child learns how to successfully deal with jerks when they see how their parents and teachers handle situations.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Aug, 2013 04:23 pm
@Thomas,
Ok, you made me laugh.

Boomer - I just meant the thread and the problem you were talking about interested me.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  2  
Reply Tue 20 Aug, 2013 04:27 pm
@glitterbag,
the problem with your arguement is that getting pushed and pulled by others is critical to our growth and the development of our inner strength. if we were always Angels to each other humanity would be worse off. we are not going to let others push our kids around with out good cause but in this case there is not any certainty that there was not good cause, that Mo likely would not have been better off without mommy ridingto the rescue yet again. at some point the kid needs to learn to deal with this part of life himself. does Boomer want to end up with one of these helpless 25 -year old man/boys that we so often see running around now?

bonus question: did Boomer get to be Boomer by adults taking care of all her problems till she was 15.....or 28????
glitterbag
 
  3  
Reply Tue 20 Aug, 2013 05:08 pm
@hawkeye10,
Well I wasn't trying to say being a victim will help a person to become stronger. I don't think I know anyone who was never treated unfairly. As a parent, it's my job to teach my children how to become independent, not to raise hot house flowers. I don't believe Boomer acted as a helicopter parent, the Coach fessed up before she said anything. My sons are independent, employed and have families of their own. As a parent you really can't protect your children from everything, they simply won't come running every time someone treats them badly. I've been learning over recent years about things my son didn't tell us because he handled it himself.

We enrolled him in Soccer when he was about 9. The local team didn't have openings, so we took him to the next locality. One practice, we were waiting to pick him up after practice. When the coach called them off the field, he was lopping back with a soccer ball under his arm when one of the boys took it and kicked it way back on the field. He trotted after it, picked it up and trotted back again. Same boy took the ball and kicked it back out. He retrieved the ball trotted back, same boy figures he can do it a third time only this time, son had enough and knocked him on his butt. Neither Coach or asst coaches noticed, we were too far away to yell or interfere. Son handled it without adult intervention. I would to mention the other kid was about 9 and only a little taller than my son. If he had been 35 years old, and 6'4" it would have been a different story. Mo's son is 12 and that's a lot different than 14 or 15.

I agree that many parents baby their children way too long. At family gatherings I see young sullen teens whose mothers are begging them to behave and be polite. It's also true that many adult children think their parents should help them maintain a standard of luxury the children can't afford. I don't think Boomer is the kind of mom who still cuts up his food and washes his hair.

It's usually a good thing for parents to set a good example, not just fix everything.
hawkeye10
 
  2  
Reply Tue 20 Aug, 2013 05:38 pm
@glitterbag,
that good example might be to assume that others can run their own lives until/unless they ask for help. I tought my kids that I was always avail to help but if they wanted help they generally needed to come and ask for it. you would not generally find me doing as Boomer did here, asking the kid " do you want me to fix this for you?"
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Aug, 2013 06:58 pm
@hawkeye10,
Since I wasn't in the room to hear verbatim conversation between mother and son, I will assume she abbreviated the conversation, to cut to the chase in order to post. In a face to face conversation with a 12 year old, a situation usually doesn't become clear until some dialog, facial expressions, tone of voice lets you know how to proceed. I didn't think I heard "mom, I have a problem" then "tell me son so I can fix it".
That was my take, you have a slightly different take, I'm not sure it matters which one of is right. Boomer didn't have a blow up confrontation with coach, so what I hear is a good outcome for everyone. I agree that a parent shouldn't be eager to look for battles to fight for their kids, in most cases they will approach you when they need help. Whatever the case, the problem is over.
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Aug, 2013 11:49 am
I did offer to talk to the coach. From my earlier post:

Quote:
Mo and I were out doing back to school shopping today so it was the perfect opportunity to talk this over. I started by suggesting he talk to the coach and he gave me his reasons for not being comfortable with that. I suggested he talk to Friend and he gave me his reasons for being uncomfortable with that. I asked if he wanted me to talk to the coach and he said "Yes". I told him that Mr. B thought it was a bad idea but he said he really wanted help so I told him what I was going to say and how I was going to handle it.


But the fact is -- he brought the problem to me. If he hadn't wanted help I doubt he would have done that.
0 Replies
 
 

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