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My son's coach is an asshole.

 
 
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 09:32 pm
My son, Mo (12) has looked forward to entering the 7th grade so he can play on this guy's team. The coach is his best friend's dad. Mo and Friend have been best friends since the first grade.

Recently something happened (pet death) that has been pretty traumatic for Mo.

The coach has been using this event in a very snarky, surreptitious way during practice.

The coach wouldn't even know about this if his son and Mo weren't friends.

I think it's disgusting and I said I was going to speak to Coach about it.

Mr. B says I shouldn't -- that Mo should handle it.

I think letting Mo handle it would cause both he and the coach a lot of problems.

I want Mo to respect his coach (and he's quickly losing respect for him) so I think I need to lay down the law, for the benefit of them both.

What say you A2K?

Is the coach using personal information in a public way okay or not okay?
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Type: Question • Score: 24 • Views: 7,759 • Replies: 189

 
DoctorGotz
 
  3  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 09:43 pm
@boomerang,
They often are, but don't interfere.

Your son probably won’t appreciate it and if he does, he needs to cut the apron strings.

Making stupid comments about a pet’s death is way down on the list of potential abusive behaviors by adults in positions of power and influence over kids.
Rockhead
 
  2  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 09:47 pm
@boomerang,
welcome to real life.

let him handle it...

what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

and this won't be the last asshole Mo comes into contact with...
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 09:49 pm
@DoctorGotz,
What kind of adult does this kind of ****?

What kind of mean person does this?

I really want to know.

Right now I'm thinking I don't want Mo to play for someone who does this stuff. What a bad influence.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 09:50 pm
@Rockhead,
I understand that people can be assholes.

So does Mo.

But an adult who is such an asshole to a kid.

I'm just all kinds of **** that.
Butrflynet
 
  2  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 09:52 pm
What does Mo think about the idea of you talking to the coach about it for him?

If he thinks it is a bad idea, consider respecting his opinion.
Rockhead
 
  2  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 09:53 pm
@boomerang,
he's a coach.

I only had a couple that I really liked.

and neither of them was necessarily successful.

same with bosses in a way...

he can succeed in spite of the asshole coach.

just keep his head on straight...
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  2  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 09:53 pm
If the coach was being an asshole because of the way Mo was playing I'd be fine with Mo handling it.

This doesn't have anything to do with Mo's performance but it is starting to have an effect on his performance. He's ready to quit.
Butrflynet
 
  3  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 09:54 pm
@boomerang,
Maybe the person to talk with is the school principal. If this coach is doing this stuff to Mo, he's probably also doing similar things with other kids.
Rockhead
 
  2  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 09:55 pm
@boomerang,
what does the friend who's dad it is think?
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 09:55 pm
@Butrflynet,
Mo was fine with the idea of me saying something.

Mr. B wasn't.

I believe kids should learn to deal with bullys. But when the bully is a 35 year old who is 6'7" and weighs more than 300 pounds I think again.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 09:57 pm
@Butrflynet,
It isn't a school team. It's a private league.

I don't want to get him in trouble. I just want this stuff to stop.
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 09:58 pm
@Rockhead,
I don't know. And honestly, I don't really care. He wouldn't be involved in it at all. I'd speak to the coach privately and quietly.

I should add - I love this kid as if he were my own. Love him.
0 Replies
 
Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 09:59 pm
@boomerang,
Are there any retorts you can help Mo come up with that would let the coach know that what he is doing isn't cool?

Something like, "Ya know, Coach, losing Fido was a big loss to me and I don't appreciate you using it in this way," said privately to Coach before practice may put a stop to it.
edgarblythe
 
  2  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 10:00 pm
You might come to a positive understanding with the coach if the conversation goes just right.
DoctorGotz
 
  4  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 10:01 pm
@boomerang,
You are not always going to be able to thrust yourself between your son and the jerks in the world.

If you do it for the rest of his youth what will happen when he's an adult?

The world is full of jerks and dealing with them is a life lesson.

Really, this is nowhere near as horrible a situation as your son is likely to face during the rest of his life.

Better you counsel him on how to deal with jerks then try to save him from them all.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 10:01 pm
@Butrflynet,
Maybe.

But then it makes it a topic of conversation amongst the team.

Like I said, the coach is very surreptitious about it. He knows it's getting to Mo but nobody else (except for Friend) is aware of the import of what is being said.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 10:03 pm
@edgarblythe,
This is what I'm hoping.

I love this guys kid. I call him my other kid. I don't want any bad blood between our families.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  4  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 10:03 pm
@boomerang,
This time, I'm with you, instead of Mr. B. I don't think Mo is in a position to see just how heineous this coach's behavior really is. If it comes down to it, you might have to pull him off the team, in which case I wouldn't take pains to keep the reason a secret.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 5 Aug, 2013 10:06 pm
@DoctorGotz,
Really?

He's 12. He shouldn't have to deal with a giant adult bully at this age.

Maybe I should get him some getting hit over the head lessons and tell him "life sucks, get used to it"

 

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