My son's coach is an asshole.

Yep, he's a jerk.

And if your son thinks these kind of comments are not worth bearing as a price to be on the team, he should quit, but without you as a player.

In that case, it is probably best that you go ahead and talk to the coach.

Why? Because if it was happening at their house and Mo leaves the team, it is still going to happen at their house and there will be no resulting benefit to having Mo leave the team.

That's probably also the best approach to take with Mr. B. Make sure he knows about the weekend events and tell him this is why you need to talk to the coach. Maybe the two of you can invite the coach out to lunch and talk with him about it.

Because there are consequence to not taking ****.

Have you really never taken **** from a jerk? In your whole life?

If you haven't, (really) good for you, but you are an exception. If you've never ever taken **** and want your son to follow suit than God Bless you. I have no comments that are relative.

I just have a hard time accepting that anyone who is old enough to have a pre-teen or teenage son has never taken ****.

This isn't just a situation that involves a coach--it's a situation that involves how his friend's father is treating him.

If this is a long-term friendship between the two boys, then Mo has likely known his friend's father for a long time as well. Has the friend's father ever acted this way toward Mo before?

Has Mo discussed what's going on with his friend? Since it involves his friend's father, and it even goes on when he visits his friend's house, I think Mo should discuss it with his friend, tell his friend how it's affecting him, and ask his friend for advice about how to deal with it, and possibly even ask the friend to talk to his dad about the situation.

I think that preserving the friendship between the two boys is a very important consideration. One way to help preserve that relationship, would be to encourage Mo to share his feelings with his friend. Since it concerns something that involves the friend's father, the friend might have some insight into why his dad is acting this way, and he either might be able to help Mo understand it, or help him handle it, or help him not to get so upset about it, or help to get the situation resolved.

That would also give Mo some way of handling the situation independently, by turning to a friend/peer rather than having you intervene.

How many boys of age 12 can reasonably deal with their father being an asshole?

I really think you have to step back here.

Let your son handle this his way. He has already come home from his friend's house because of the comments. He can tell his friend the reason.

Are you sure this man knows that your son's pet died? The comments seem so personal. Does he do this with the other boys (personal cuts?)

re: about the team behavior. Your son was probably moping around and not giving his best at practice. The coach's comments - while insensitive - were supposed to get your boy focused and put his grief aside when at practice.

Are other parents complaining? If so, speak up. Twelve is such a vulnerable age with boys. Half man, half baby. He just has to handle this himself.

I still haven't decided what to do about this.

After what happened over the weekend we all decided that perhaps it's best if Mo and Friend just hang out here instead of going over to Friend's house. Mo agrees. That doesn't help with practice time though.

I think it's better if I say something quietly and privately. I'm going to talk it over with both Mr. B and Mo today.

Your job is to guide Mo, not straighten out the coach. Help Mo understand he will run into jerks and they are best left alone.

You're justifying your need to intercede. This is a teachable moment for Mo, not the coach. If the coach got physical, that is different. We all have to deal with giant adult bullies, even here.

You've got pear trees to consider, Frank.

Mo and Friend have been best friends for about 6 years. The family has gone through some serious turmoil over the last year and everyone seems to have become really mean.

Because of this turmoil I don't think the kids are communicating with their dad very well (mom is out of the picture). I don't know if Friend will have any advice but I will talk to Mo about speaking to him today.

Preserving the friendship is paramount. I know if Mo flies off the handle during practice that it will cause problems. I know if Mo quits the team it will cause problems.

But I will not require Mo to keep placing himself in an abusive situation.

...but you repeat yourself.

Yes, he knows the pet died. He asked me about it and I said "I can't really talk about it so please don't ask."

Yes it is very personal. It's weirdly personal. It gives me the creeps. As I've said -- I cannot understand the kind of adult who would say this sort of thing to a kid.

If other parents are complaining they aren't complaining to me. I'm not complaining to them either. I don't want to start an insurrection.

If the coach has a problem with the way Mo is playing he should address that, not pour acid in his wound. That's true for any other kid on the team. They're children.

He can't really leave this guy alone though, can he?

Obviously I have an opinion, if that's what you mean by "justifying".

Should the teachable part be "I'm going to throw you to the wolves. Good luck!"?

Did I mention that my son's coach is an asshole?

But...was he wearing any pants? Oopsy. Wrong thread.

It sounds like an old school Drill Sergeant's mentality to toughen up the people he's in charge of. For good or bad, it's his style of getting his training technique across. It might be effective for getting people ready to become soldiers but it can only be so effective for getting students to become more disciplined athletes.

Either let Mo handle it by himself or remove him from the team. I don't think talking to the coach about his entrenched (read stubborn coaching sensibilities) mentality is going to change. In fact, he's the type who will make sure Mo suffers more since he has a caring and interventionist mother like you. Basically it's a lose/lose situation that Mo needs to learn about eventually. Too bad he can't learn it later on in life rather then now.

In my experience, passive-aggressive jerks like this are unlikely to change their ways, and they're unlikely to react well to being confronted.


Your mileage may vary.

The drill-sergeant routine is one thing. But this drill-sergeant routine exploits privileged information that he learned only because he is also Mo's friend's dad. That's dishonorable. Drill-sergeant types tend to be big on 'honor', 'character', and qualities like this. So, come to think of it, perhaps Boomerang should emphasise how dishonorable the coach's invectives are, not so much about how upset she and Mo are about them.