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She still loves me but is marrying someone else.:'(

 
 
bernsky
 
Reply Sun 5 May, 2013 09:55 pm
This might be a long read and it's more for me to get this all off my chest and get some feedback to what people think i should do so here we go.. Me and this girl (sara) have had a thing all through highschool we met in middle school and were awesome friends we would date off and on but just little BS kept us apart. We both loved each other told one another many times.
well fast forwarding to senior year my at the time "bestfriend" started dating her knowing how i felt about her he did it anyway, she gets pregnant him and her are not in the best relationship but she always tells me she wants to be with him for the sake of the baby which i fully understood they end up breaking up and me and Sarah start dating we dated all through the summer and a little longer maybe 5-6 months the happiest ive ever been im about to start school where i have to move an hour away and she starts acting weird and the worse came; we broke up. We didn't talk for a month or so after that I was heart broken. I later find out she's getting married to the father of the child which just killed me more inside. a couple weeks later we're at the same party we end up talking about everything she explains why we broke up she thought her having a kid would hold me back from trying to do well in school and that i'd be meeting new people.
Her new husband joins the marines while hes gone me and her start talking a lot again (we did nothing sexually i would never while someone is in the military) but we talk a lot just like we use to and it turns to how of course she still loves me wishes she would never left me she always says her life is just in a very confusing spot and i know it is. Once he gets back we stop talking again but one of my other good friends tell me she was talking to him at a get together and she was saying how she isnt sure how long the marriage is going to last he hasn't matured at all like she'd hoped and she still really loves me... So i kind of rapped the story up quick in the end but if the marriage does end what do you think i should do? I mean this is the only girl I've ever loved and there isn't a day i dont think about her at least once.. I need some advice.
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Type: Question • Score: 42 • Views: 40,164 • Replies: 47

 
engineer
 
  4  
Reply Mon 6 May, 2013 06:14 am
@bernsky,
My advice would be to do well in school and meet new people the way your best friend wants you to. This woman is married now and has a child. You are very young and every emotion feels so intense, but you will get over this woman and find someone free to return your affection. Staying the path here is only going to lead to more heartbreak.
CoastalRat
 
  5  
Reply Mon 6 May, 2013 06:47 am
@bernsky,
She is married. When/if she gets a divorce, then maybe you can explore the relationship again. But why would you want to wait on her? You will find someone else. Just give yourself the chance to do so.
bernsky
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 May, 2013 07:27 am
@engineer,
I know what you mean and trust me i've tried moving on, but it's like I've almost become to picky with women. I do my best to find another girl to keep her off my mind then realize I'm not interested in these ones they're nothing like her. Her personality is what was so great she was headstrong motivated and mature almost impossible to find it seems.
Mame
 
  4  
Reply Mon 6 May, 2013 08:12 am
@bernsky,
Don't worry about finding another woman, and leave the old one alone. She's married - do you really want to get in the middle of that? If you can, just be friends with her. There are a lot of other women out there but I don't think you're ready for another one, not if you feel the way you do about HER. Leave it alone. Get on with your own life. She chose to marry this dude and what she does with her life is her business.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Mon 6 May, 2013 03:52 pm
@bernsky,
SHE really needs to decide what to do. When she is free, then you two can start up again. You have no power or choice here.

You have no choice but to sit back and see what she does. But know you are wasting your life away for a dream from the past. This gal sounds like she's been around the block.

She is NOT "mature" either.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  5  
Reply Mon 6 May, 2013 04:50 pm
@bernsky,
She has made the decision to be with the father of her child.

You need to start hanging with a different crowd, making new friends in general. Get on with your own life. Don't communicate with her in person or on-line.

Move on.

Time for all of you to grow up.

0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  4  
Reply Mon 6 May, 2013 04:52 pm
@bernsky,
bernsky wrote:
one of my other good friends tell me she was talking to him at a get together


tell your friends that you don't want to be discussed, and if you are, you don't want to know about it

that gossipy **** is kid stuff
0 Replies
 
Jillian007
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Jun, 2013 06:10 am
@bernsky,
wow! this is my life! when i was 10- i met my best frient Josh and am pretty sure i fell in love with him then. Please read the story "everything happens for a reason" under the relationship forum and you will see the whole story as i am STILL dealing with this type of relationship almost 20 years later!!! Everyone will tell you to move on- find new people but when you are in love with that person, and that person is your 'true love' that's not easy. For years Josh and I have come full circle. we have had many of those situations where we start talking again (and same thing- its never sexual) but then drift apart becasue it's whats best for our other relationships. he and i could never seem to make a relationship work but the only way we could make other relationships work was to cut eachother out of our lives (whihc really only lasted for a short while). i ended up marring someone else too. not because i was pregnant but becasue it was what my family wanted me to do- i felt forced and pressured and the man i married "fit better with the type of life i wanted". im a designer in the city and i married a business man- we had a great house, traveled frequently, had nice cars and money and he dressed well and fit in at my social events for work. Josh was a little rough around the edges, works at a saw mill, drives a 'red-neck' truck and just didnt seem to 'fit' my lifestyle. when i got enganged to be married i called Josh and told him i feared few things in life- but my biggest fear was having ot walk down the isle and not see him at the other end. i ended up getting married anyway (and am now in the process of getting dirvorced). my best advice- if you can move on- great. but for some reason there are relationships out there that never really over. support her in her marriage- that is what Josh did for me, because he was my friend- no matter how bad it hurt. we have always been there for eachother and now that he is experiencing one of the hardest things in his life, i get to be there for him. cherish your friendship, because you may never find another one like that.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  5  
Reply Mon 3 Jun, 2013 06:47 am
We fall in love with the past and how we were at that time. It doesn't always transfer into the present.

We are going to live until what - 75 or 80? Put things into perspective!!

There's a whole lot of living to be done and many people to meet. We don't do anyone any good by continuing to live in the past.

Those kinds of love have a special place in our lives, but they do not define the future.
0 Replies
 
Tanyawill35
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Jun, 2013 06:51 am
@bernsky,
I can empathize, although I was the girl in this story, I married someone else even though I had feelings for another guy and he had feelings for me.

I'm sorry you're hurting and really have no advice besides move on because she IS married...
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  3  
Reply Thu 6 Jun, 2013 04:49 pm
@bernsky,
Familiarity sometimes is misinterpreted as love.

Why am I saying that? You were on and off, on and off, due to some BS. She, goes off with your best friend, gets pregnant and decides to marry him but it's not what she is after.

Where you what she was after?

He is not what she is after?

Does she know what she is really after?

You can "love" your best friend but if you sit back honestly and look at that roller-coaster and her, reeling you in, letting the line go, reeling you in, letting the line go..... You may actually see a different picture.
0 Replies
 
lexyfranks
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Aug, 2013 01:52 pm
@bernsky,
You have been told this several times today probably but here goes. She is married with a kid even if things are not so good now she will hang in there and try and make it work. Even if it doesn't she will stay with him for years. Be selfish, go and get the life you deserve. She is the current love of your life, I get that, I have had about six loves of my life over a sixteen year period. Your soulmate is out there honey so do well in life keep your head up get a good job and hunt them out. If at some point in the future you are both single at the same time it is meant to be. But do not make yourself miserable and stay single and celibate just in case she might come running to you at some point in the distant future.
Hope my oppinion helps in some small way sweetheart Lexy
0 Replies
 
livebig23
 
  3  
Reply Tue 29 Oct, 2013 09:56 pm
@bernsky,
hold up hold up!! She gets with your best friend? What da ****!! First of all....If a girlfriend of mine goes to my best friend I'm cancelling both of they asses like a membership. My trust for her and respect would have been out the window a long time ago.
Jane273
 
  0  
Reply Mon 11 Nov, 2013 12:46 pm
@livebig23,
i have the similar situation, he loves me, but married with other girl
0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 11 Nov, 2013 01:17 pm
Bernsky said:
Quote:
one of my other good friends tell me she was talking to him at a get together and she was saying how she isnt sure how long the marriage is going to last he hasn't matured at all like she'd hoped and she still really loves me

Now's your chance mate, tell her to Dear John him..Smile
0 Replies
 
Nom de plume
 
  3  
Reply Tue 26 Nov, 2013 12:13 am
@engineer,
She is "In Love" with the other guy. She may love you, but not the same. You are, unfortunately, the fall back guy. The guy she runs to when the other guy dumps her. You need to man up and not let her use you like this. She will break your heart over and over again. If you didn't care about her, it wouldn't matter, but everytime something better comes along, she will bolt, than everytime she gets dumped she will return. Is the kind of life you want?
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Dec, 2013 06:01 pm
@bernsky,
She doesn't love you. I'm sorry not trying to be a jerk!
0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Dec, 2013 10:58 pm
Quote:
Bernsky asked: if the marriage does end what do you think i should do?

With ex-hub out of the frame you'll have a clear run into the end zone, so go! go! go!..Smile
0 Replies
 
JimmyJ
 
  1  
Reply Tue 17 Dec, 2013 12:54 pm
@bernsky,
She doesn't sound worth it. Let me preface this by saying I don't know much about women. However, if someone is telling you they love you and then going and betraying your trust by marrying someone else a month after they broke it off with you I would just move on. If she truly loved you she'd be with you, not some childish punk/jack ass (may seem judgmental, but if he was your friend and still did this I think I can safely assert that he is a jack ass) who knocked her up in high school.

I just came out of a 5 year long relationship and if anyone knows how to get over pain, it's me. Trust me, you're going to meet people all the time while you're in school. Just enjoy your life.
0 Replies
 
 

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