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Wed 24 Apr, 2013 04:17 am
I recently met a guy online dating. We initially chat a lot online and get along really well. All great we decide to meet. We met and all was just as great. Our conversation flows with each other and seem to have a lot of laughs and happy together whatever we do. He helped me a lot with my house handy work. But one thing I am not sure of. OK it is normal that when a guy meet a girl as a friend especially online and have chat and decide to meet, he would give her a friendly hello kiss on her cheek. He did not. We dated a couple more times, and every time that did not happen. But as usual we get along so bloody well and so happy whatever we do. One night we went out and it was freezing cold, he only had a t-shirt on and we were walking home, we both agreed that it is unbelievably cold but he did not offer to keep me warm. Walking as he usually did, with his hands on his side and chatting along happily. I cannot stand it and asked him to keep me warm. Then he put his arms around my shoulder and he started to shivers, he really did shivers. He was so cold. Finally we reach my place and we he tell me a few more things with his work etc. and I send him to the door to go home. He finally gives me a kiss on my cheek and his voice was very nice and warm. I was very happy. The next day, he suggested lunch. He knock at my door and I would expect since he had break the ice last night, he would continue to do so, I expect he would give me a hello kiss on my cheek when he sees me!! But no, he was back to his old self, standing at the door quoting - are you ready, and I just follow. When he drop me off home, he expect me to hop off and just get out. I am so frustrated inside me, so I have to lean over to him for him to give me a kiss and he did but boy was that hard. I like to ask you all to comment on his actions, you think that is normal? I am thinking he is either still hurt by his last relationship or has he got someone else that he is waiting on to give a clear green lights that he is waiting and not offering me any affection for that reason??? Please help .....
@lululu,
Sheesh, princess, it's
that hard for you to lean into someone you like in order to kiss them?
What you think of as weird, many people think of as a guy being a gentleman. Is he supposed to tear at your clothes the minute he sees you?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you being the initiator at times. If he still appears distant, after you have been initiating for a while, you can always ask,
"Do you like me? Because I can't tell from your signals."
Are you touching him at all - a hand on his hand, rub his back, touch his cheek/ Let him know that you are approachable. Apparently he can't tell that - or he's super shy, a real gentleman.
I hope you learned that an on-line relationship is not one at all. So he is starting fresh with you, as far as REAL contact is concerned.
@jespah,
Hi jespah, thanks for taking time to read my post and a little help. Yes, I have try to touch a little bit here and there. Anyway after the night out, that he initiate to give me a kiss on my cheek, he can be warm and speak softly nicely ? But the next morning, he turn back to himself, I call it the Reptile treatment. Cold...... so why does he act like that. I have plan to talk to him today hopefully we get a moment together without any interuption - and see what he says. Will keep it posted here. any more comments, please all welcome. thanks
@PUNKEY,
I did try a few times, just little ones as I am a bit shy myself and I really can be old fashion that the guy have to do so first making sure we are both on the same story. Yes, I understand the online is not real, but we now have been out 4 times every weekend since we met!! As I said the night we went out, he actually initial to kiss my check before he leaves and say sleep tight. Was so nice!!! But the next day he turn his back again to that old self. So frustrating.
@lululu,
Some people are huggy and touchy but many aren't. This is somewhat related to how we were raised, what our community or just our family and maybe his is like.
My own view is that you shouldn't be pushing him just because you are used to more demonstrative people around you. I think he needs some space to figure this out. Maybe if he ever gets around to touching, he will mean it. Easy touches can be a dime a dozen.
That you call him weird is... weird. People vary.
@ossobuco,
Thanks Ossobuco, so do you think I should ask him why he don't give hello and goodbye kiss? And hug.... and he is waiting for someone else green light?? And treat me as a second option, therefore the distance??? I am thinking hard!!!! xo
@lululu,
He also call me buddy and my friend, instead of honey, beautiful, sweet heart .... sweet names like that you know.... ??? what do you all says... thanks again all out there....
))
@lululu,
I suspect that he thinks of you as a friend and not a girlfriend. Why not ask,
"What's the status of our relationship? Are we friends, or are we more than that?"
@jespah,
jespah wrote:
I suspect that he thinks of you as a friend and not a girlfriend. Why not ask, "What's the status of our relationship? Are we friends, or are we more than that?"
Seconding this post. The only person who can answer your questions Lululu is the gentleman you are presently allegedly dating.
@jespah,
Today I was going to talk to him but I follow yours & others instruction. I got close to him and begin a hug and he responded, he says "how are you buddy". Well, not sure about the buddy bit. Honey would have been better but I can't complain. He promise me to take my door to his place to fix it (I am replacing a solid door), so he did and will give me a bell when he's close to finish and return. He also fix my gym and help put the outdoor set together. So he help me a lot. After all the work, we sit down and had a coffee. Oh I had a 9 yr old and he is with us today. So I did not really talk to him yet. I offer to cook him dinner and he stayed. When he leaves, he gave me a kiss on my cheek and thank me for dinner. So that was all good. But not sure if he would do it the next meeting?? If he don't should I still talk to him ?? What do you say.
@lululu,
You have a nine-year-old child and you are this unfamiliar with relationships? You are this insecure that you cannot just up and ask someone what's going on with them?
@jespah,
I can ask but should I ask or should I be patient. Everyone is different and hopefully asking others can give me an idea if that could be normal or am I asking for too much too soon or is he really so WEIRD. Well, having a 9 yr old doesn't mean I am unfamiliar with relationships. I am insecure emotionally, you are right but I have been so all my life, not just this time. This friendship is only new, I understand but if I am going out, I like that person to show some form of affection so I can see my time worthwhile. Don;t you? instead of just go out as a buddy friend. I got better things to do than that. But if he is not interested in me, that is not true. He must have quite a lot of interests in me if he spend all his spare time with me and help me with everything that I need help with. Besides what he help me with today, he also sort out epoxy paint for my garage floor and help me painted it. He install a lock for me the first time he sees me. I only known him for over a month now. I have met a few other guys before this online as well. That is the only form of dating I could do and so popular these days with middle age group. OK he is 48 and I am 49, we are not young. What do you mean with your last message? Do you think I am a little crazy??? I appreciate your comments and thanks for your response.
@ossobuco,
Ossobuco, can I ask you to comment more, if you read my other posts for jespar answers, do you think the same as him or if you different comments?
I like the fact that you are right with quoting "maybe if he ever gets around to touching, he will mean it." I agree with you. Thanks
The buddy business sounds like a clear signal that he is at least making an effort to take things slowly and that it is not his way to be sexually affectionate right away. Or, he may not ever be interested in you as a lover, including now, but is as a friend. We naturally don't know. Men and women can be friends, although I suppose some people don't think so.
Jespah is right, simply ask.
And again, you are calling him weird. He doesn't sound weird to me.
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