Sun 21 Apr, 2013 07:54 am
About a month ago, I recently met a man online through a dating website, and after a month of e-mailing, had a very strong connection with him. We had our first date about 2 weeks ago, it was perfect, we both had a great time, and ended the night with a hot make out session, who could ask for anything more? The problem right now, is that I am long distance, He lives in Nyc, and I am in Baltimore, although I plan to move to Nyc in 8 weeks, and he knows this. Right now I commute to Nyc for work about every other week. Since our date, I told him to call me, which he still has not done! He texts, and sends me FB Messages, but why hasn't he called me yet?? I know he has a very busy and important job in Nyc, But I don't understand why he isn't contacting me more. I told him I would be in the city in a few days, and we could do lunch maybe? and he replied and said that would be nice. I really like him, and don't want to come onto him too aggressive, I don't know what steps to approach. He hasn't given me any impression, that he's not interested or doesn't want to see me again, but why isn't he more aggressive in calling me, or sending me more texts, messages?? He also takes awhile to respond, like a few hours or a day or so, when I send a text, or email, I want a response right away! Please help!!
Recognize that immediate social media responses are not going to happen with a lot of people. And that does not really mean squat. Everyone consumes texting, email, etc. differently.
There is nothing overly aggressive about you sending the next note or text and saying something like, "I will be in NYC on the 29th and would like to see you for dinner. X Restaurant is near where I'll be staying. Do you like Italian? Let's shoot for 8
And then turn off your cel and email and go for a nice walk.
There are a few possible response.
- He says sure. Excellent!
- He says he hates Italian, and would prefer sushi. Excellent!
- He says he doesn't like that place or it got a bad review and suggests an alternative. Excellent!
- He says he is not free at either that time or on that date, and suggests alternatives. Excellent!
- He says he is not interested and wants to be done with things. This, actually, is excellent, too, as you know now, instead of later, when you would have had a much higher emotional investment.
- He does not respond at all. This is a pain, but you should wait it out. What happens if the 29th comes and goes without a response? Then see response #5 and move on.
You had a cyber relationship for two months, and met ONCE?
Wait until you move nearer to him to see what happens with this relationship.
---- And don't move so fast!! Make yourself a little bit of a mystery.
Perhaps you came off as too aggressive or needy or easy for him. You said it "couldn't have been better" but apparently he didn't feel that vibe as much as you.
Thank you Jespah, for the advice! I think you are right, and point out a lot of good things! I did send him a message like that a few days ago, saying I would be back in the city soon, and maybe we could do lunch, he said "Sure, just keep me updated on your schedule", so I am hoping to see him this week, But I will keep you updated on the situation. Thanks! :-)
Thanks for your response, we have been talking online for about 2 months, but very hard to get together, as we live over 300 miles away, and both have very demanding jobs. I agree, I don't want to come on too fast or easy, I am hopefully going to see him this week for lunch, will keep you updated!
He texted back and said "Lets plan it by year, it's hard to plan ahead in advance because my work schedule is so unpredictable. So, I replied back and said, okay sounds good, I will let you know when Im in that area" I will only be in town that afternoon, so I do understand it may or may not work, thoughts??
Don't put all your eggs into the one basket. But otherwise it sounds reasonable to me.
Here's ANOTHER girl who thinks a cyber relationship is real!
Can you REALLY get "real close" by texting or FB or whatever?
A "strong connection"?
Guys do NOT feel the same way, believe me. they are WAY too visual and think all this texting is verbal fluff.