you said yourself that you don't think porn is wrong - start from here and don't think about do you understand it or should you understand it at all.
Focus on real problem and that is if your husband is ignoring or neglecting you because of porn. Then it is real problem and from that point you have all right to be upset.
When I got home from work I new that my husband had snuck home from his job that afternoon and had watched porn. I had evidence. Well, I tried to come on to him for sex and he turned me down. What does that tell me?
bad timing - if it happened once.
you have problems - if it happens often.
As a guy who has struggled with porn since middle school, I have to say that any porn during a relationship is damaging. First of all, whatever you are looking at usually begins to bore you after awhile and you have to move on to more hardcore or weird stuff to keep getting the buzz off of it. And second of all, it makes you want to do things sexually that your significant other probably does not want to do, so then the satisfaction from that mate begins to dwindle. I keep all porn out from in front of my eyes, whether it is as soft as playboy oras hardcore as it gets. The longer I go without porn, the more sexy and sexually satisfying my wife is.
I would suggest getting your husband to talk to someone about, help keep him accountable with it. this is of course if he is willing to work on it.
thehusband, I admire your frankness and your ability to see where this problem could lead, and to discipline yourself accordingly.
It's like any other addiction, recognizing it is half the battle.
Good work!
I really don't want to confront him again to soon about this subject until I can actually find the videos. I know that he is hiding something somewhere. I just don't know where to look. We already discussed this problem about 3 weeks ago and he disposed of the videos. But, I'm sure he has some hid.
Only he can decide to change - you what you will tolerate
Pornography nearly always takes and emotional toll on a relationship. The time he is spending on porn, he could be spending on you. It is intrusive and therefore unfaithfullness. To the me who say it isn't a problem because men are visually stimulated - you cannot have it both ways. It cannot at the same time be Extremely important and no big deal. If you husband is taking time away from you to spend time with hundreds of other women, he is being unfaithful. You need to decide what you will tolerate in your life and take the appropriate action. I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
I'm new here, but I just had to jump in! I'm sorry to say, but I think the same men that like watching pornographic material more than being intimate with their wives, are probably the same men that don't help out much around the house, or spend the time, trying to communicate with their spouses about much else !! I think it's emotional cheating,...and that if a man is doing so much of that, it's time to seriously talk to them!! Right now I'm speaking from experience ,but not expertise. I wish I had answers as well.
Quote:but I think the same men that like watching pornographic material more than being intimate with their wives, are probably the same men that don't help out much around the house, or spend the time, trying to communicate with their spouses about much else !!
I suppose the same could be said of men who like to hang out at the bar with their friends, or who are heavily into sports, or who do not have the same interests their wives have.
Kathsam: why are you trying to find the videos you think he has hidden? If you do find them ir proves you were right. If you do not find them then you are only going to think that he has hidden them well. You lose the ethical high ground if you are being devious as well. Your husband does seem to have a problem. If your husband is doing
anything that constantly and secretively (such as "cooking pasta" to borrow someone's wonderful post) then he does have a problem. Knowing that, you should proceed from there.
Now I am on porn!!
If you have read my past posts, my hubby was/is addicted to porn. Anyway, my sex life was affected by his addiction, becoz he spent more time watching porn than with me. I confronted him, but it has become worse now becoz he spend much much more time at work. I do hope for some consideration from him, but he says that he has heard that from me so many time, that it hardly matters.
So I decided to get back at him. I too started watching porn, and now I am less attracted to him and am more attracted to the good looking people out there!! I do not tell him about it, because it makes me feel better about having my own little secret, since he doesn't take an interest in me anyway. It does make me feel a little guilty, though, and no amount of porn can make up for the real thing. How do I end this? I mean, I don't even find him attractive anymore.
After we fight, he is okay with physical intimacy. But I need to feel loved and cared for to feel something for him physically. He spends so much time at work, and on weekends he is always in front of the computer. Sometimes I find him boring. There is just no excitement or romance. I wish he would dress up for me in something nice once in a while. I can see this marriage going downhill, and the only thing I can think of is 'maybe this will be my chance to find someone better.'
Am I crazy?
Just came into this convo.
U funny ppl saying porn is cheating.
I aggree that porn can be damaging, and can sometimes compromise intimacy.
cheating? that's avery harsh word. I mean, if a guy spends too much time at work, is that cheating? if he goes for a jog a lot and then is too tired for sex? cheating?
geez.
anyway. I myself sometimes indulge in it, but my sex life with my wife is almost non-existent. so hey, i'm sure if i got what i needed i wouldn't want porn...
but the guy who uses it so much that he REFUSES his wife?
man.. he's got some wires twisted somewhere!
hopeless mike can't get ABBA off his brain.
Unless he believes in ghosts. And Dorothy has an opium addiction.
